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Old 10-30-2014, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Geauga County, Ohio
1,503 posts, read 1,852,129 times
Reputation: 1547

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This past spring, my husband introduced me to a woman he works with. We both have a lot of the same interests, so he thought we'd make good friends. She actually lives in our neighborhood, so we have met up a few times now and have become friends - she and I really do get along well, and I don't have many other women friends here in OH.

I'm 37 and so is my husband. This woman is 28, single, and gorgeous. I have no reason to believe my husband has any alterior motives here, he rarely talks to her outside work in person unless she and I are doing something and he comes along or she's at our house. They do text but she initiates it 99% of the time.

However, here and there, I've suspected that this woman has alterior motives regarding my husband, and might have more of an interest in him than would be appropriate. She does occasionally text him at home, usually for work purposes (he fully discloses and doesn't hide anything), but then they usually chat a bit about other mundane stuff once the work discussion is over. She texts me too, however, often simultaneously.

Then it got a bit worse. Several times, she has made comments to me (usually without hubby around) that my husband is adorable or that I'm lucky to have him. These comments are becoming more frequent.

I told my husband about the "adorable" comment. He said "yeah, she says that at work sometimes, too, but says it to a lot of people".

However, last week we went for a walk around the neighborhood (hubby, kids and I) and she saw us, looked straight at my husband, got these big wide eyes and smile, and then came up to talk to us.

I'm starting to think she's trying to use me to get to him somehow. I don't have a reason to distrust my husband, but it makes me a bit uncomfortable, even though I'm sure my husband wouldn't take her up on it if she tried to make a move on him. Just the idea she may try. Or, it could be her personality, since she is the type of woman that calls a lot of things "cute" that she likes. What do you think? Am I overthinking this?

I really don't believe an affair is happening, there are no odd late night meetings, my husband rarely goes out of the house for non-work reasons for any length of time, etc. No odd behaviors that would suggest he's hiding anything. If anything, I think he's totally oblivious to the idea that this woman might have a crush or worse on him. Our sex life hasn't changed, either.
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Old 10-30-2014, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,725,995 times
Reputation: 98359
This is one of those things that is best handled by your husband. Right now it sounds like he is not flirting, which is good.

HE has to be the one who sets and maintains those boundaries with her. Any message will be much more effective coming from him. YOUR job is to remain the much more attractive option, with all that entails. If you start to "face off" with her (or worse .. with him ABOUT her), YOU will become the jealous, shrewish wife which will turn him off and possibly encourage HER to become more aggressive.

You can keep being friends with her if you want, but maybe tone it down a bit. As the old saying goes, she does appear to have her nose in your butter.
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Old 10-30-2014, 01:48 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,423,810 times
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Keeping my own beliefs out of male/female relationships in this post...

Don't fool yourself into thinking just because it's a coworker "it's a professional" relationship.
She spends just as much if not more time with your husband than you do. Things can and will cross the line of professionalism by introducing personal interaction in to the mix.

If you know your husband isn't interested you shouldn't have much to worry about.

Are you worried he is getting to personally invovoled and won't be of right mind to turn her down if it comes to it?

This is an issue to work out with your hubby. The women has her own motivations in life and doesn't owe you anything....not even her respect.
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Old 10-30-2014, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
545 posts, read 630,409 times
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definitely setting the stage to cheat with her in the wide open.
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Old 10-30-2014, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Geauga County, Ohio
1,503 posts, read 1,852,129 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
Don't fool yourself into thinking just because it's a coworker "it's a professional" relationship.
She spends just as much if not more time with your husband than you do.

If you know your husband isn't interested you shouldn't have much to worry about.

Are you worried he is getting to personally invovoled and won't be of right mind to turn her down if it comes to it?
Naa, I'm not too worried about that. He doesn't flirt with her, but she does give him flirty looks and says some things to him.

I guess it's that I really enjoy her company, and friendship, but if she's got her eyes on him it makes me think of her in a different way, as in, now, she's the kind of woman that goes after a married man.
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Old 10-30-2014, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,768 posts, read 11,979,989 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrueRulz View Post
Naa, I'm not too worried about that. He doesn't flirt with her, but she does give him flirty looks and says some things to him.

I guess it's that I really enjoy her company, and friendship, but if she's got her eyes on him it makes me think of her in a different way, as in, now, she's the kind of woman that goes after a married man.
...and a friend's husband.
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Old 10-30-2014, 02:01 PM
 
5,198 posts, read 5,261,804 times
Reputation: 13249
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrueRulz View Post
Naa, I'm not too worried about that. He doesn't flirt with her, but she does give him flirty looks and says some things to him.

I guess it's that I really enjoy her company, and friendship, but if she's got her eyes on him it makes me think of her in a different way, as in, now, she's the kind of woman that goes after a married man.

Does she "say some things to him" in your presence? What does HE do? Does he discourage her? Some women may interprete doing nothing as a green light.
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Old 10-30-2014, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Geauga County, Ohio
1,503 posts, read 1,852,129 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty View Post
Does she "say some things to him" in your presence? What does HE do? Does he discourage her? Some women may interprete doing nothing as a green light.
Interesting point. When I've been around and she has made comments, he usually tries to reference it back to me - she says he's cute, he puts his arm around me and says "yeah, XXXXX is a lucky woman, isn't she". Trying to assert our marriage.

However, I think she interperets it as a cocky, playful thing instead. I haven't said it directly. Maybe tonight I'll tell my husband straight out that I think she has a crush on him and see what he says.
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Old 10-30-2014, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,725,995 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cruerulz View Post
maybe tonight i'll tell my husband straight out that i think she has a crush on him and see what he says.
Why?????????
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Old 10-30-2014, 02:11 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,423,810 times
Reputation: 9548
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrueRulz View Post
Naa, I'm not too worried about that. He doesn't flirt with her, but she does give him flirty looks and says some things to him.

I guess it's that I really enjoy her company, and friendship, but if she's got her eyes on him it makes me think of her in a different way, as in, now, she's the kind of woman that goes after a married man.
All I can say to this is the people we allow in to our personal lives are the people who have the most influence over us.

I would talk to my SO about my concerns and discomfort with the whole situation.


If my wife ever came to me with this concern and expressed how uncomfortable me being around another women made her, I wouldmt be keeping that women in my life in any personal way.

I'm not in a marriage to make my wife feel uncomfortable, let one every day of the week

Last edited by rego00123; 10-30-2014 at 02:52 PM.. Reason: Typos due to auto correct
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