Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Lol last time I met up w/ a guy we met at a Mexican restaurant he suggested......
Really good food- a place I've never considered to check out.
But honestly....I don't like bars.....
Coffee- not a good setting.
A girlfriend of mine wants me to meet a guy she thinks is perfect for me tomorrow night, lol
But I don't do bars.
Now if it was a cigar lounge....
Hell yes
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,940,305 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24
Really? So much hate for coffee but really the quality of the date has so little to do about the beverage and everything to do with the atmosphere and ability to comfortably communicate and get to know each other
The atmosphere is the issue most of us were commenting on re coffee.
since the guy invited her out to dinner, he is already getting what he wanted, a date, aka a chance at a future relationship. he chose to use his time in this manner, she accepted that invitation, so she does not own the guy anything. sorry if your feeling were hurt by my response, but it is the truth.
So she didn't want a date, a chance at a future relationship? She's not choosing to use her time in this manner? Then why did she go? Sorry, but when someone invites me to dinner, I don't assume that they're paying just because they asked. Sometimes, they do pay, but that's a very generous and unnecessary gesture.
To be clear, I often do pay for the first date, and I don't complain, but it's not because I think it's right, it's because I just don't feel like swimming against the social currents.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate
Agreed. And the way some guys say "all she has to do is look good", as if that's easy. Now, if the woman cares anything about the date or the guy, he'll see it by how she dresses. Did she look like she just climbed out of bed, or does she looks like a nice and groomed lady a man would want to be seen with.
Money to do nails
Money to get pedicures
Money to get hair done
Doing make-up
Buying a new outfit
Now, even if you just do nails, that cost a good bit. I had my nails, and lashes done, and that cost $60. Going and just getting my hair straitened cost 35. So, that's to 95 dollars spent trying to look good, or groomed to say the least.
And lets say she doesn't buy anything, and does it all herself, that's alot of time, over 2 hours invested on yourself to look good. So, 2+ hours spent for a guy.
I know it's not paying for dinner, but a good bit of effort, and money, if she paid to get made-over, did go in on the woman's part, if she actually cared about the date.
Wow. Believe it or not, I spend time getting ready for dates too, and sometimes I buy new clothes.
Most people don't go on dates with people with whom they have no desire to be intimate. Granted, either person or both may decide upon meeting, or at any other point during the date, that they no longer have that desire, but it's silly not to at least have an atmosphere that makes it possible or more likely to happen if the chemistry is there. If you're going to shoot yourself in the foot like that, why bother going on the date at all? The best first dates start off between two strangers and end with intimacy.
I don't see it. They're bright. People are studying. Not intimate at all. A nice tavern/lounge/bar with subdued lighting and people being social, laughing, whispering, flirting, etc is far more intimate.
For sure. There are still some intimate, lounge-y potentially romantic cafes out there, but the Starbucks-type places have really taken over. Even many of the local mom-and-pop type places have that bright/studying/working kind of environment now. Even at the more chill places, though, you're still consuming a stimulant, which still puts me more in "get work done" mode than romantic mode. Of course, those chill, romantic-type cafes also often have alcohol, which says something.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
and going to a brewpub and getting a tasting flight or two is a good start to a date.
Yum. I've found that an increasing number of women appreciate a good craft brew these days, too, which is nice. (At the very least, they often have their one go-to type, like a Hefeweizen, Beligian White, or cider.) Some of my best first dates in recent years have been at craft beer establishments. Just to be safe it's usually good to choose a place that also has wine and cocktails, though.
Really? So much hate for coffee but really the quality of the date has so little to do about the beverage and everything to do with the atmosphere and ability to comfortably communicate and get to know each other
True. That's exactly the point we're making, though-- alcohol and the establishments that serve it do more for the atmosphere and ability to comfortably communicate and get to know each other than coffee and the establishments that serve it, at least in the opinion of many of us.
This is probably a halfway decent litmus test, now that I think about it. If a woman insisted on coffee for the first date, I would have to question how much we have in common. Unwinding with a drink while getting to know a new love interest at the end of a long day is a favorite pastime of mine, and seems to be enjoyed by the types of women I hit it off with, as well. I'm not saying I haven't done coffee dates or wouldn't do them again for the right person, I'm just saying it's not a very strong indicator of good things to come for me.
That's a problem with OLD. People who suggest these dates look at it as a casual meet and greet rather than an intimate activity between two people that may be interested in one another. It should be looked at no differently than a blind date.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
I might not need to be intimate with them, but I want an intimate setting, if possible. It sets the mood. It helps get beyond that interview-ish first phase and if things are good, into the more fun stage.
Bingo.
I cringe when people on forums like this use the term "meet and greet" to describe a first date, and I hate first dates that feel like job interviews. If I'm meeting someone, I've already decided from our past exchanges (whether they were online, via phone/text, or in person) that this is someone I am likely to hit it off with in some way. If I didn't think that, I wouldn't be bothering with them. Of course, I may end up being wrong (win some, lose some), but I've decided that this person is worth the gamble. I'm not going to start hedging my bets before we even go out.
That's a problem with OLD. People who suggest these dates look at it as a casual meet and greet rather than an intimate activity between two people that may be interested in one another. It should be looked at no differently than a blind date.
Those who suggest these types of dates go in with their guard up from the start, and rarely do they let it down. So the dates at these places usually fizzle out. They're not dates. They're general meet and greets, no different than a job interview. Romance/intimacy isn't even given a chance in these settings.
Okay, herein lies a big part of my answer. I got around before the days, of OLD...y'know, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and things were a bit more spontaneous and less distrustful and suspicious. While on one (dinner, not coffee...his idea, and he was so attractive, I wouldn't have minded feeling 'indebted to him' ), I was thinking of it as more of a blind date, while he seemed to be scrutinizing me closely like I was on trial or on a job interview, rather than a more natural flow of conversation. He extended the date by taking me for a drink, which I really needed to take the edge off, but he was a non-drinker. I didn't live up to whatever expectations he had of me, so that was the last time I ever saw him, too bad.
I never minded the "meet and greet" character of a first date that's an online or blind date, to be honest... but then, I've always been good with interviews. It really doesn't seem to be an odd approach when meeting someone about whom you have no real background knowledge.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Might as well err on the side of making it more likely.
), I was thinking of it as more of a blind date, while he seemed to be scrutinizing me closely like I was on trial or on a job interview, rather than a more natural flow of conversation. He extended the date by taking me for a drink, which I really needed to take the edge off, but he was a non-drinker. I didn't live up to whatever expectations he had of me, so that was the last time I ever saw him, too bad.
