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I never said I haven't ever felt extremely elated to be with a particular person. I've felt that way with at least a couple different people up to this point in my life. But guess what? Both relationships failed or fizzled out, because that's just the nature of relationships in general.
"The one" is only an idea reinforced by years of conditioning. It's just an idea in your brain, and it only applies to the particular person you're with at this time. More than likely, there are a bunch of "the ones" for any particular person out there. It's all really a matter of timing though. In other words, "the one" for you today may not be "the one" for you tomorrow. If "the one" was in fact a tangible, provable concept, then divorce would be obsolete.
Oh, that's elaborate pseudophilosophical nonsense, reinforced by the fact that you haven't experienced it yet. You just haven't. You might as well be holding forth on other transformative experiences you haven't been through. You've had two connections with people that fizzled, so you're ready to write off the idea.
Then you hoist up the tired and lazy canard that the existence of divorce somehow invalidates the premise. Given the fact that the majority of marriages don't end in divorce, and the majority of those putter along happily until one partner dies actually proves my point and refutes yours. In truth, the seeds of most divorces are planted before the marriage vows are even said, because two incompatible people try to make something work.
I'm twenty-three years into my marriage with MrsCPG and we've had one argument. One. Over a vacuum cleaner attachment. If that doesn't speak to a confluence of values and mutual respect, I really don't know what does. Hey, it's not the Elysian Fields. There are times when we disagree. There are times when we're annoyed with one another. But there's never the hint of doubt that we were meant for one another until the end of freaking time. Sad that you don't get that.
Back to my experience. I certainly wasn't looking to find The One. In fact, I had pretty much sworn off being in relationships for a while. But when I met MrsCPG it was just there, as if a door had opened and all I had to do is step through it. It was as if, in that first thirty-minute conversation, the gears of the universe clicked into place. Everything in our lives, our values, our humor, our approaches to situations are pretty much in sync, no matter what we've been through. Part of it has to do with the fact that we're communicators. But a larger part has to do with the fact that we simply understand each other and like each other, an underrated quality in any relationship. We've gotten to the point that we complete each other's sentences and know what the other one needs without having to ask.
These are things you haven't experienced yet. Hopefully you will be open to the possibility of it. Because when people on this board speak of this, people who have been through this and had long-lasting relationships as a result, the wise person is apt to listen.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I don't think people really believe "the one" to be the only person in the world for them. The odds of meeting that person would be almost 0 if that was the case.
I always thought of "The One" to be the one for me; as in I have no desire to look further, I found "her".
Oh, that's elaborate pseudophilosophical nonsense, reinforced by the fact that you haven't experienced it yet. You just haven't. You might as well be holding forth on other transformative experiences you haven't been through. You've had two connections with people that fizzled, so you're ready to write off the idea.
Then you hoist up the tired and lazy canard that divorce invalidates the premise. Given the fact that the majority of marriages don't end in divorce, and the majority of those putter along happily until one partner dies actually proves my point and refutes yours. I'm twenty-three years into my marriage with MrsCPG and we've had one argument. One. Over a vacuum cleaner attachment. If that doesn't speak to a confluence of values and mutual respect, I really don't know what does. Hey, it's not the Elysian Fields. There are times when we disagree. There are times when we're annoyed with one another. But there's never the hint of doubt that we were meant for one another until the end of freaking time. Sad that you don't get that.
Back to my experience. I certainly wasn't looking to find The One. In fact, I had pretty much sworn off being in relationships for a while. But when I met MrsCPG it was just there, as if a door had opened and all I had to do is step through it. It was as if, in that first thirty-minute conversation, the gears of the universe clicked into place. Everything in our lives, our values, our humor, our approaches to situations are pretty much in sync, no matter what we've been through. Part of it has to do with the fact that we're communicators. But a larger part has to do with the fact that we simply understand each other and like each other, an underrated quality in any relationship. We've gotten to the point that we complete each other's sentences and know what the other one needs without having to ask.
These are things you haven't experienced yet. Hopefully you will be open to the possibility of it. Because when people on this board speak of this, people who have been through this and had long-lasting relationships as a result, the wise person is apt to listen.
I think it's ironic that someone who portrays himself as pragmatic and logical relies on a concept that is completely left to fate. The fact that you and your wife get along so well may very well be a result of you two being fairly laid back people. And the fact that divorce is at the rate that it is now (between 30-50%) is pretty telling about all the fairy tale "the one" stories that people conjure up in their minds. I bet all the people with failed marriages thought they had found "the one", too.
Yes, I don't buy into the idea that there is "the one" and only "the one" for any particular person. I think there are several "the ones" out there for any particular person. But as I said before, it's all a matter of timing. "The one" for you today may not be "the one" for you tomorrow.
I don't think people really believe "the one" to be the only person in the world for them. The odds of meeting that person would be almost 0 if that was the case.
I always thought of "The One" to be the one for me; as in I have no desire to look further, I found "her".
The only thing I'd add to this is "for the time being". Clearly, the timing has to be right for any of "the one"-type relationships to work out. If CPG's wife had just gone through a brutal divorce and had been recently widowed, the timing may not have been right for either of them to get married.
I think it's ironic that someone who portrays himself as pragmatic and logical relies on a concept that is completely left to fate. The fact that you and your wife get along so well may very well be a result of you two being fairly laid back people. And the fact that divorce is at the rate that it is now (between 30-50%) is pretty telling about all the pseudo-fairy tale "the one" stories that people conjure up in their minds. I bet all the people with failed marriages thought they had found "the one", too.
Yes, I don't buy into the idea that there is "the one" and only "the one" for any particular people. I think there are several "the ones" out there for any particular person. But as I said before, it's all a matter of timing. "The one" for you today may not be "the one" for you tomorrow.
I agree with the second part. The person I've been dating for a few months is leaving after this week and I don't know what's going to happen. I do believe he could be one of my "ones," but perhaps because he is leaving means he isn't the one, or at least not for right now. Maybe in the future he will be.
The idea of there being the "one" is romantic sure, but it's also depressing to believe there is only one. What if your one gets hit by a bus? You'll be alone forever because the only person you could ever be truly happy with is gone? However, I long to meet someone and get married and know just all the way down to my core that there are the right person for me and that whatever crap life throws at us we will always work through it and never give up. I don't want to get lost in romantic fairy tales and fantasies, but I can't help but long for a love like that.
I think it's ironic that someone who portrays himself as pragmatic and logical relies on a concept that is completely left to fate. The fact that you and your wife get along so well may very well be a result of you two being fairly laid back people. And the fact that divorce is at the rate that it is now (between 30-50%) is pretty telling about all the pseudo-fairy tale "the one" stories that people conjure up in their minds. I bet all the people with failed marriages thought they had found "the one", too.
Yes, I don't buy into the idea that there is "the one" and only "the one" for any particular people. I think there are several "the ones" out there for any particular person. But as I said before, it's all a matter of timing. "The one" for you today may not be "the one" for you tomorrow.
First, let's use the word 'irony' correctly. Irony is the opposition between words and action, and it certainly isn't a synonym for 'incongruous.' I have an ethical code for how I treat my wife, but that's because she is the most precious thing in my life. Pragmatism does not preclude being open to life's possibilities when they stroll up to you at a party, for that would be stupid.
And you totally blew past my point. The 50% divorce rate is major distortion when, according to the Census Bureau, 71% of all people who are married are still married to their first spouse. So if you have a 71% chance to have a life partner, those are pretty great odds.
Back to your last paragraph. You haven't experienced it, so you don't believe it exists. That just means you know nothing about it.
First, let's use the word 'irony' correctly. Irony is the opposition between words and action, and it certainly isn't a synonym for 'incongruous.' I have an ethical code for how I treat my wife, but that's because she is the most precious thing in my life. Pragmatism does not preclude being open to life's possibilities when they stroll up to you at a party, for that would be stupid.
And you totally blew past my point. The 50% divorce rate is major distortion when, according to the Census Bureau, 71% of all people who are married are still married to their first spouse. So if you have a 71% chance to have a life partner, those are pretty great odds.
Back to your last paragraph. You haven't experienced it, so you don't believe it exists. That just means you know nothing about it.
Irony: happening in the opposite way to what is expected, and typically causing wry amusement because of this.
That's exactly what I meant when I used "ironic".
Divorce rate is more like 40-50% in the US. (Source: Marriage and Divorce) Nonetheless, my point is the same. Plenty of those people probably thought they had found "the one", too. But clearly that was not the case.
However, stick to your hubris and fairy tales. I'll stick to reality, logic, and my own humble opinion of "what is".
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