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I don't care about respect as much as being appreciated. I make significant sacrifices for my family in terms of effort, time and energy all of which far exceed anything I'd ever imagined would be required to make things work. As long as my wife appreciates what I do and it's conveyed in how she treats me I'm perfectly happy.
As for her wanting to be desired, I don't know if that's important to her or not, only that it's never been an issue since I've known her because she's still my happiest distraction.
I get your point. Not to burst your bubble OP, saying men want respect and women want to feel loved negates the fact people need both.
They go hand in hand.
On a more superficial level, I think what you're saying is relationships are like a dance, one follows, feels protected, masculine/feminine energy.. all that!
Eh, between love and respect, I prefer respect. And I'm a woman.
Same here.
I really don't think there is much of a difference between genders, especially in the U.S., where both machismo and female dependence on males are increasingly frowned upon. We all want to be recognized for our achievements, we all want to feel desired by the gender of our affection, we all want to feel capable and competent, we all want to feel respected and appreciated, and we all want love.
Well for me personally when a GF says things to me like "You are my hero" or "You are a great man" it has a more positive impact on me then her saying "I love you".
I also agree that respect is earned. If I want my woman to respect me then I need to be respectable.
To this and others who have made the same point, the premise behind the book the OP mentioned is not that men want one and women want the other. Of course we all want both. It is just that to men, respect is a higher priority than love, and to women, love is a higher priority than respect. It doesn't even attempt to claim the two are mutually exclusive.
I'd venture to say that, while I found the book repetitive and therefore hard to read on a stylistic level, a lot of our CD regulars would probably do well to give it a once-through.
To this and others who have made the same point, the premise behind the book the OP mentioned is not that men want one and women want the other. Of course we all want both. It is just that to men, respect is a higher priority than love, and to women, love is a higher priority than respect. It doesn't even attempt to claim the two are mutually exclusive.
I'd venture to say that, while I found the book repetitive and therefore hard to read on a stylistic level, a lot of our CD regulars would probably do well to give it a once-through.
I've read the book, and the author presumes that women value love as a higher priority based on the results of a poorly worded survey if I recall. I have no doubt that men value respect, but the author really misses the mark when he tries to say what women value or what the experience of women is. Very much a "all men this", "all women that" book.
There are a few good points here and there in the book, but for the most part I didn't care for it. When the author is talking about respect, I think he is hinting at something else that goes beyond respect, but I'm not sure what word I would use.
If you haven't read it the book is written by a minister who tries to extrapolate some bible verses into an all encompassing guide for marriage.
The parts about the book that stuck with me is that the author couldn't be bothered to put his wet towels in the right place after showering or make sure his candy wrappers made it into the trash....but he didn't see that as being disrespectful to his wife....her making comments about it OTOH he found troublesome.
I don't agree with this statement. I think women and men want to be respected and loved equally. And these two really go hand in hand. They can't be separated in a romantic relationship.
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