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this forum is not for the sensitive types expecting support without constructive criticism or comment. you gotta figure out what suits your personality and situation and disregard the rest.
No, I just have little tolerance for presumptuous and ignorant people. Criticize away, I'm open to it if it will help. But at least know what you're talking about first and don't make assumptions based on whatever personal bias you have against people on this forum. I only care about objective opinions.
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Originally Posted by Dr. Clean
sorry, i see things differently than others: she was into you but you couldn't lean toward her as much as she was leaning toward you, for whatever reason.
Yeah, I thought she was into me by how she acted towards me (we clicked, she was touchy, she was flirty, etc). But she wasn't willing to break it off with her boyfriend. What else could I have done without raping the girl against her will?
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Originally Posted by Dr. Clean
on the plus side, tomorrow is another day so not all is lost, you could probably explain it away and recover if you really wanted. and i so think ruth's advice about tell her how you feel was on the money, and yeah i know you said certain things to that effect, but was a phone call, text or in person?
No, I'm not doing this. It's over and I think it's best for me to move on at this point. There is no redemption here.
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Originally Posted by Dr. Clean
in other words, i would have at least step up the the plate to allow myself to get rejected in exchange for the risk of getting a real good idea if there was any gf potential. for as loveless as you are, this woman was into you and you rejected her on principle. imho, the real possibility of being in love with her and her returning that love is surely more important than her lack of courage and strength to be able to stand on her own two to leave bf.
Again, I told her I liked her...a lot. And when I told her I was going to back off, she told me 'sorry'. She made her bed. Now it's time for her to sleep in it.
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Originally Posted by Dr. Clean
obtw was she hot? scale of 1-10
cuz the hotter they are, the more likely they are not as familiar with living life without a bf...
I found her attractive in a multitude of ways. I'll leave it at that, because I find attraction to be subjective.
Yeah, I thought she was into me by how she acted towards me (we clicked, she was touchy, she was flirty, etc). But she wasn't willing to break it off with her boyfriend. What else could I have done without raping the girl against her will?
okay OP, i gotcha and i certainly wasn't suggesting anything like that. so if my suggestion offended you, was just trying to be helpful.
Again, I told her I liked her...a lot. And when I told her I was going to back off, she told me 'sorry'. She made her bed. Now it's time for her to sleep in it.
With that extra little tidbit, it sounds like you dodged a bullet. It comes across to me as if she used you for whatever needs her BF wasn't meeting. As I said elsewhere in this thread, find someone else who will be as willing to give to you as you are to her, not just take, take, take. Being frustrated with the dating process just means you need to step back a bit, focus in other things and let connections happen naturally, don't force them. Easier said than done, but at least try to relax!
...and I don't appreciate it. She's in a terrible relationship with a guy who treats her poorly, yet she remains devoted to him. She is constantly complaining about this guy to me, he never goes out with her, and he pays little attention to her. Last weekend, during Halloween, this woman was hanging out with me; not her BF. Now she's wanting me to go to concerts to see her favorite band.
I wouldn't be opposed to having a relationship with this woman, but as it stands now, there is no chance of it while she remains blindly devoted to the current BF.
I don't appreciate this situation, because I feel like she's getting the emotional/intimate attention she needs from me, which is lacking from her romantic relationship, while the BF is still getting the "benefit" of being in the relationship. I really don't think that's fair.
I hate to throw away a good friendship, but this is one of those situations where timing is bad and the "stars are not aligned". Have you been in this situation before? Did you walk away, or did you stick it out? What was the end result?
At this point, your only option is to take control of your own self and not allow for yourself to be her emotional tampon.
OTH- (Idk if she may start to like you) you also don't want to be a rebound, not that I'm saying you are.
Make yourself less available. Making someone emotionally dependent on you creates unhealthy attachments.
...and I don't appreciate it. She's in a terrible relationship with a guy who treats her poorly, yet she remains devoted to him. She is constantly complaining about this guy to me, he never goes out with her, and he pays little attention to her. Last weekend, during Halloween, this woman was hanging out with me; not her BF. Now she's wanting me to go to concerts to see her favorite band.
I wouldn't be opposed to having a relationship with this woman, but as it stands now, there is no chance of it while she remains blindly devoted to the current BF.
I don't appreciate this situation, because I feel like she's getting the emotional/intimate attention she needs from me, which is lacking from her romantic relationship, while the BF is still getting the "benefit" of being in the relationship. I really don't think that's fair.
I hate to throw away a good friendship, but this is one of those situations where timing is bad and the "stars are not aligned". Have you been in this situation before? Did you walk away, or did you stick it out? What was the end result?
Let me get this straight...your friend is leaning on you for emotional support and asking you to hang out and do "friend" things...and you and are not happy about it...hm...is that not what friends do?! You decided to become emotionally invested in someone you KNEW was in a relationship. It seems to me she see's you as a friend but you developed feelings...now it's her fault and she's "using" you? I don't see that she is doing anything wrong...you need to either accept she is with someone else and continue to be her friend or do what you said you want to do and move on.
Let me get this straight...your friend is leaning on you for emotional support and asking you to hang out and do "friend" things...and you and are not happy about it...hm...is that not what friends do?! You decided to become emotionally invested in someone you KNEW was in a relationship. It seems to me she see's you as a friend but you developed feelings...now it's her fault and she's "using" you? I don't see that she is doing anything wrong...you need to either accept she is with someone else and continue to be her friend or do what you said you want to do and move on.
You apparently missed the part in the thread where I indicated that she's also being very flirty and touchy with me as well. I understand though, it's a long thread. And you just have to trust my judgment that she is being this way. I'm not an idiot, I know what flirting is. And she's doing it in addition to using me as an emotional crutch because her BF is distant.
Secondly, maybe I'm a little traditional in this sense, but it is my personal belief that you don't get too close to someone of the opposite sex when you're already in a relationship. You particularly don't get close to someone of the opposite sex when your real relationship is on the rocks. If she wants a guy friend to lean on heavily while she struggles with her BF, she needs to find a gay best friend. I'm not it. That's why I chose to cut things off. Sure, if she were single, I'd be open to the possibility of dating her. But in reality, I made the decision to severe ties because I found it to be extremely unhealthy; not only for us, but for her and her BF. If she wants to talk about her problems or text someone daily or get flirty/touchy or hang out all the time, she needs to be doing that with her BF. Not some single guy friend of hers. In that sense, she is using me, because she's not getting it from him.
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