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My ex husband set up our I want a divorce conversation (obviously a lot different situation but still) by sending me a "we need to talk tonight" text and I had to go to work and feel awful all day knowing what was likely coming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
You could text him and say, "On second thought, hold off on that until I get there. We'll figure it out then."
Lilac, I'm afraid that if I were to send that text I'd be doing something similar to what Kiki experienced with her ex. I don't want him to have a miserable day at work knowing that something's up.
So, I think I'm not going to do any more texting, I'll be sure to show up right when he gets home from work (hopefully before his roommate gets home), and take care of things before he starts fixing dinner. There's a chance that I'll chicken out, or that the mood wouldn't be right, but that risk is always going to be there. I don't particularly like using alcohol for anything but meal pairings, but in this case I'll have a Manhattan before I go over.
In response to other responses, for whatever it's worth, I'm not a woman. We're both two guys. Dawn Davenport is my favorite character from my favorite movie, Female Trouble. I didn't correct any of the earlier posts because in this situation I don't think gender makes much of a difference. But I just thought you all should know.
Thank you all for your kind wishes and your thoughtful advice. I'll keep you posted on what happens. Being accountable to you all really helps. Thanks.
Last edited by Dawn.Davenport; 11-06-2014 at 11:33 AM..
I'd like to hear others comment on this. I'm torn between talking about how we're so different and incompatible (such as our politics, preferred weekend activities, and long-term plans to stay in the Baltimore area) and just keeping things short and brief.
I'm hoping we could still be friends.
I would not be friends with a woman who dumped me. But that's just me.
I would. It's different if I caught him in bed with someone. If the other person is honest and wants out? I might be hurt for awhile but I'd get over it. I am still friends with every guy I've ever gone out with, except my ex-husband.
Let us know how he takes it, hopefully it all goes at least as well as it could in this kind of situation. I had a good friend who procrastinated forever breaking up with a guy and it just made it so much worse. Better to get it over with! And I'm sure he know something is amiss. I'm sure he was hoping you would say you miss him and can't wait to see him too. You both deserve better! Good luck!
Let us know how he takes it, hopefully it all goes at least as well as it could in this kind of situation. I had a good friend who procrastinated forever breaking up with a guy and it just made it so much worse. Better to get it over with! And I'm sure he know something is amiss. I'm sure he was hoping you would say you miss him and can't wait to see him too. You both deserve better! Good luck!
Thank you so much, Kiki. Your post was the last thing I read before I left to talk to him. Your words and support really helped give me courage.
In all honesty, it all really f-ing sucked. I still feel like crap about it all. He took it okay-too-poorly. He didn't see it coming at all and at first was completely in shock. Then he cried, but he didn't fight it and didn't beg me to stay.
I stuck to my guns. I said, "you've done nothing wrong; I just don't doubt the relationship has long-term potential, and if I were to continue feeling this way, I'd be leading you on, and I don't want to do that." He pushed for specifics, and I said something vague about differences in lifestyle.
It was really hard to pack all my s--- up. Though I was moving as quickly as I could, it felt like slow motion. I forgot my toothbrush and tooth paste. I really don't care about those two items; I just feel bad for him when he finds them/has to throw them out. It was hard as hell not to look back as I drove away.
But it's done.
Thank you all. Though my situation here seem small compared to the problems that others have on this forum, I really appreciate all your help. You have no idea how much I needed your support. Thanks.
Here's the thing. The "I'm passive so the rules are different for me" just doesn't cut it, especially when it comes to matters from the heart. Life is filled with unpleasant duties, and a personality tic doesn't give one an out.
Mind you, the OP is actually being stand-up about matters. She wants to do this in person.
We are giving advice to others, not taking in ourselves. At the time, she hadn't decided on whether to do it over the phone, by letter, or in person but I suppose you have already made up HER mind for her. Just doesn't cut maybe a thing for YOU. We can't start imposing our own beliefs and abilities onto others. Just because you have a way or train of thought based situations you have overcome doesn't mean she has had the same experiences- which is the reason why she is here.
We have to be careful and stick to how SHE IS FEELING vs trying to be one up on the other people giving advice....
Just do it soon and please do it in private and don't set the conversation up beforehand by saying we need to talk tonight, or anything like that. Just say hey mind if I stop by and say hey and then do it. My ex husband set up our I want a divorce conversation (obviously a lot different situation but still) by sending me a "we need to talk tonight" text and I had to go to work and feel awful all day knowing what was likely coming. If his roommate is there ask him if you can talk in his bedroom or wherever. I know it's hard, but the sooner the better. You're just making things worse for you both by delaying it. Good luck!
Those four little words is the sound of the trigger of the gun pulling on a relationship.
Ok. Now the question is when to do it. I was hoping to swing by his place today at 4:15, right after he gets home from work. I was preparing myself to finally get this over with.
But then he sends me a text about ten minutes ago saying, "I missed not waking up next to you this morning. Planning on getting home from work early today to make a big dinner for us. Can't wait to see you."
I replied, "That sounds nice. Hope you have a nice day at work."
Crap. How am I supposed to breakup with someone who is planning on cooking a nice meal for me tonight? What would be less cruel, breaking his heart today while he's cooking for me, or waiting until Saturday morning to talk to him in his bedroom away from his roommate? I don't want to push this to next week. I feel so bad about all of this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Sorry. Don't buy it.
Here's the thing. The "I'm passive so the rules are different for me" just doesn't cut it, especially when it comes to matters from the heart. Life is filled with unpleasant duties, and a personality tic doesn't give one an out.
Mind you, the OP is actually being stand-up about matters. She wants to do this in person.
What did I say cpg35223? Talk to me now.... Didn't I predict what would happen and then she freaked out over his texts. Don't sleep on me, people are all the same and will react the same. It's a pattern and if you have to anticipate it. If she can't deal with that text, how can she deal in person?
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