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Who says these women are that well adjusted? They've had just as little experience with men...probably even less considering the conservative culture. If she is not as conservative she can try for a love marriage herself...kids can go against their parents in many cases....
Precisely! Two inexperienced people together. What a perfect match indeed. I personally think it's a great idea if you're from a culture where arranged marriages are the norm.
So I'm 28 years old and was born and raised in the US to an indian family. Unfortunately I'm also completely inexperienced when it comes to relationships. I'm still a virgin. Indeed I've never been on a date, had a girlfriend, or even kissed a girl. Hell I haven't even held a girl's hand. The thing is though is that most of my indian friends my age have already gotten married and many even have kids (they aren't really my friends, just people in the indian community that I know). I've always wanted to have the experiences boys have with girls when they're in their teens which I unfortunately missed out on. But at the same time I wonder if I'm too old for this, for my first date, kiss, etc. I feel socially stunted and perhaps a loser for still not having done this. Maybe I should just have an arranged marriage and get it over with. I'm not really attached to indian culture at all but I'm thinking maybe I've missed the boat and it's time to ask my mother to pick a girl for me. Part of me also feels that these experiences won't be the same as a 28 year old as they would've been when I was a teen. I could technically have my first kiss and sex with an arranged marriage but I guess theres a difference in my mind between convincing a girl to go out/sleep with you and just having one chosen for you. I guess maybe I look at an arranged marriage as an easy way out.
Any opinions?
I'd say go with the arranged marriage; or wait 2 years, and if nothing happens, and go with the arranged marriage. Look at all the time, effort and money people put into online dating, and it's still hit or miss (especially for guys). Here, someone is doing all the work for you.
With the situation you described, at 28, you're way behind the curve. It's like being behind 56-0 at halftime. Nothing wrong with that, but it will make things tough meeting women, especially American women.
For a guy to get to 28 yrs of age in US society (regardless of which culture his parents are from) without ever having so much as kissed a girl is a bit weird, to be perfectly honest. I sense there's something you're not telling us, or the picture you've portrayed isn't entirely accurate.
What's kept you so long from getting out there? Have you even tried? Do you actually feel attracted to women (and what kinds?)? Do you have issues with arousal? I ask these not to mock or belittle you, OP, but your situation seems highly abnormal so if there's unresolved issues, you probably should work those out before you even think of getting married.
As an Indian male of similar age myself, I totally understand that dating in general isn't as easy for us as it is, say, for those perceived as more "American" - ie, Caucasian/Black/Latin/Asian etc., but even so, that shouldn't have been much of a hindrance if you were pursuing Indian or Indian-American women...so...what gives?
For a guy to get to 28 yrs of age in US society (regardless of which culture his parents are from) without ever having so much as kissed a girl is a bit weird, to be perfectly honest. I sense there's something you're not telling us, or the picture you've portrayed isn't entirely accurate.
What's kept you so long from getting out there? Have you even tried? Do you actually feel attracted to women (and what kinds?)? Do you have issues with arousal? I ask these not to mock or belittle you, OP, but your situation seems highly abnormal so if there's unresolved issues, you probably should work those out before you even think of getting married.
As an Indian male of similar age myself, I totally understand that dating in general isn't as easy for us as it is, say, for those perceived as more "American" - ie, Caucasian/Black/Latin/Asian etc., but even so, that shouldn't have been much of a hindrance if you were pursuing Indian or Indian-American women...so...what gives?
Well I was a introverted loner. Didn't have any friends. Sat by myself at lunch. No friends meant no parties. No parties meant no girls. And naturally no girls meant no kissing, sex, etc. I went to a handful of parties in college (literally the number of parties I went to in college can be counted on one hand) where girls basically ignored me and unfortunately after college I've sort of gone back to my high school state. Unfortunately once you've missed out on girls and partying it seems its pretty much impossible to a make up for it.
Well I was a introverted loner. Didn't have any friends. Sat by myself at lunch. No friends meant no parties. No parties meant no girls. And naturally no girls meant no kissing, sex, etc. I went to a handful of parties in college (literally the number of parties I went to in college can be counted on one hand) where girls basically ignored me and unfortunately after college I've sort of gone back to my high school state. Unfortunately once you've missed out on girls and partying it seems its pretty much impossible to a make up for it.
You sound like my cousin, he had a mail order wife. Marriage sucked, but they are still together till today.
Doesn't mean arranged marriages don't work. You basically have to gamble and take a risk.
Unfortunately once you've missed out on girls and partying it seems its pretty much impossible to a make up for it.
If you are serious about doing it the american way then everything you missed out on still exists now. Are you ready to start going out and making serious attempts? It seems that you never stepped out of being traditionally indian. Do you still live in an indian community?
If you are serious about doing it the american way then everything you missed out on still exists now. Are you ready to start going out and making serious attempts? It seems that you never stepped out of being traditionally indian. Do you still live in an indian community?
I live by myself. I eat meat. So yes I have stepped out of being a traditional indian. The issue is not about indian culture but whether or not women would even consider dating a man like me. I imagine being with a woman or even a bunch of friends discussing their first kiss, sex, etc. and everyone is saying they were 14, 15, 16 and I have to say that I was 30. Yeah I'll stand out.
Story of my future life, when I absolutely abhor arranged marriage . Why don't Indian parents trust their kids while making choices on their lifestyle ?
What should I do, satisfy my parents and live miserably or satisfy myself and make my parents die in misery. Ideally, I'd like both of us to be happy, but that will never happen. One of is going to suffer. Living in desperation will hurt me ( but hey, my parents will be happy). Putting my expectations forward comes off as selfish, but at least I'll be contended. Sometime soon after I start earning, I'm throwing the towel.
Last edited by Adi from the Brunswicks; 11-07-2014 at 10:27 AM..
I live by myself. I eat meat. So yes I have stepped out of being a traditional indian. The issue is not about indian culture but whether or not women would even consider dating a man like me. I imagine being with a woman or even a bunch of friends discussing their first kiss, sex, etc. and everyone is saying they were 14, 15, 16 and I have to say that I was 30. Yeah I'll stand out.
Dude, most have sex around 18-19. Not many say their first night of sex was at age 16.
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. Why don't Indian parents trust their kids while making choices on their lifestyle ?
