Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Cleaning your car ranks higher than knowing how to iron, in my view. Good luck OP!
Agreed! The flowers thing is over the top too IMO.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I didn't meet half or more of the requirements listed here to get my past and current GF's. And neither do all of my friends. Relax, jeez, most women don't really care about all those niceties so long as you treat her decently, make her laugh some, make her think a bit, etc.
I think the OP is just overwhelmed by the "requirements". In this day and age, men have to be the perfect guy. Even if it is not really them. Then, if you get married, you have to be that someone else for the rest of your life. That being said, be yourself OP. Her friends are trouble and you can tell because they are already in the relationship and it hasn't even started yet.
No, men don't have to be perfect. They just have to behave like adults--which includes taking responsibility for their own state of affairs instead of blaming an entire gender for supposedly having too many "requirements" or "impossible standards."
A female friend of mine is setting be up on a date with her friend. I'll be seeing her this weekend. I have never seen her, not even a picture, and don't want to. My friends have seen pictures of her and told me that she is very beautiful. We also spoke on the phone and it was enjoyable. We seem to have a lot in common (though I know that this really doesn't mean anything, it's still nice lol).
I was feeling good about this until I spoke to other female friends. I've generally avoided traditional dating and was very involved in the hookup culture. Basically, I didn't have to put any effort in at all (beyond approaching and making a move). I am comfortable with this method.
However, I get the feeling that this girl is different. My female friends told me that I have to do such things as pull out her chair when she goes to sit down and buy her flowers on the first date (I think this is a bit much). Also, they jumped on me for not knowing how to iron (I usually just bring my shirt to the dry cleaners) and not knowing how to do manly things like change my oil. They also suggest that I do "manly" things like watch sports (which I find boring). They also suggest that I ask her to kiss me on the date instead of just going for it (wtf?). Apparently, my shoes suck as well and they are taking me out tomorrow to get me new shoes.
Honestly, if I have to completely change myself, I really don't want this girl. Had my other female friend not set up the date, I'd probably just cancel. I feel a lot of pressure now and I honestly like who I am. I'm not sure if I'm good-looking, but I'm very ambitious and have a six figure job in my late 20s with goals of doing MUCH more than that. I also have some online side gigs that I make some money from.
My point of creating this thread is to simply state that I don't think I can live up to these impossible standards that women seem to have when selecting a long-term partner. Has anyone ever felt the same way?
BREATHE and calm down. Girl friends often go a little overboard. Be yourself.
Flowers are too much for a first date.
The chair stuff - yes, do that!!
New shoes - probably if they say so.
Who cares if you can iron if you have the money for dry cleaners???
Watching sports is not necessarily a good trait.
I find asking for a kiss a turnoff. Just do it!
A man either needs to know how to change the oil or has to have enough money to be able to easily afford it IMO.
Seems like you are meeting a quality girl, so try not to get her into bed the first 3 dates.
Most of the guys I met and who were seriously interested in me, didn't even try to kiss me the first time we met. Either they kissed me on my forehead or just hugged me very long.
Don't be insecure, be yourself and apparently you have been so far on the phone and she liked it. Good start!
A female friend of mine is setting be up on a date with her friend. I'll be seeing her this weekend. I have never seen her, not even a picture, and don't want to. My friends have seen pictures of her and told me that she is very beautiful. We also spoke on the phone and it was enjoyable. We seem to have a lot in common (though I know that this really doesn't mean anything, it's still nice lol).
I was feeling good about this until I spoke to other female friends. I've generally avoided traditional dating and was very involved in the hookup culture. Basically, I didn't have to put any effort in at all (beyond approaching and making a move). I am comfortable with this method.
However, I get the feeling that this girl is different. My female friends told me that I have to do such things as pull out her chair when she goes to sit down and buy her flowers on the first date (I think this is a bit much). Also, they jumped on me for not knowing how to iron (I usually just bring my shirt to the dry cleaners) and not knowing how to do manly things like change my oil. They also suggest that I do "manly" things like watch sports (which I find boring). They also suggest that I ask her to kiss me on the date instead of just going for it (wtf?). Apparently, my shoes suck as well and they are taking me out tomorrow to get me new shoes.
Honestly, if I have to completely change myself, I really don't want this girl. Had my other female friend not set up the date, I'd probably just cancel. I feel a lot of pressure now and I honestly like who I am. I'm not sure if I'm good-looking, but I'm very ambitious and have a six figure job in my late 20s with goals of doing MUCH more than that. I also have some online side gigs that I make some money from.
My point of creating this thread is to simply state that I don't think I can live up to these impossible standards that women seem to have when selecting a long-term partner. Has anyone ever felt the same way?
Where I come from, pulling the chair out for a lady, opening the door to your vehicle, buying her flowers, thats just good manners.
I know how to iron, my mom taught me, and had to learn it in the military.
You don't have to watch sports to be manly. I know lots of "manly men" who don't regularly watch sports. Hell, most of the time I fall asleep when watching sports outside of a bar. Its nap time at my house.
Be yourself, but nothing wrong with taking a few extra steps to make her feel better. I rarely go for a kiss on the first date, unless she is making obvious inroads to such an event.
Agreed! The flowers thing is over the top too IMO.
Agreed, especially for a blind date.
And guys? If you really want to give her flowers, send them to her home or office. If you hand her a bouquet, she has to take care of them immediately or carry them around.
Honestly? Honestly truly? Please don't take this the wrong way, but in your shoes, I wouldn't date at all. From all of your posts and from this, it just doesn't sound like you are in a good place for it for several reasons:
1. It's entirely too stress-inducing for the state of mind you're in. Dating is supposed to be fun, not an exercise in anxiety.
I've gotta agree with this. IIRC, you have depression, and possibly PTSD. This isn't a good time to get into a relationship. If you want to date for the fun of it, that's one thing. (Except that it doesn't sound like you're having fun.) But think of it this way; would you want a woman who's clinically depressed and may have a PTSD diagnosis to get involved with you? Would you want to deal with that baggage? Even if, on a good day, you might think, "Oh, yeah, I'd be down for helping someone out and being supportive", the reality would be a lot different than you think.
But since you're probably gonna go through with the date, relax and have a good time.
I was feeling good about this until I spoke to other female friends. I've generally avoided traditional dating and was very involved in the hookup culture. Basically, I didn't have to put any effort in at all (beyond approaching and making a move). I am comfortable with this method.
My female friends told me that I have to do such things as pull out her chair when she goes to sit down and buy her flowers on the first date (I think this is a bit much).
Also, they jumped on me for not knowing how to iron (I usually just bring my shirt to the dry cleaners) and not knowing how to do manly things like change my oil.
They also suggest that I do "manly" things like watch sports (which I find boring).
They also suggest that I ask her to kiss me on the date instead of just going for it (wtf?).
Apparently, my shoes suck as well and they are taking me out tomorrow to get me new shoes.
Honestly, if I have to completely change myself, I really don't want this girl.
I feel a lot of pressure now and I honestly like who I am. I'm not sure if I'm good-looking, but I'm very ambitious and have a six figure job in my late 20s with goals of doing MUCH more than that. I also have some online side gigs that I make some money from.
Based on what my female friends told me, not only do I have to be good-looking and intelligent with a good job, but I also have to have multiple "manly" interests, need to know how to iron, need to be clean, need to be chivalrous, and need to develop interests that I have no interest in to begin with.
This seems like a pretty long list of requirements.
Quote:
My point of creating this thread is to simply state that I don't think I can live up to these impossible standards that men seem to have when selecting a long-term partner. Has anyone ever felt the same way?
Yes! Men expect me to be polite, attentive, affectionate, not swear excessively or talk too much, laugh at their jokes, agree with their point of view, to shower, do my hair/nails and wear nice clothes and sometimes even a DRESS. Have feminine interests like sewing and baking and crafts, be interested in football, video games and fixing cars.
Seriously,
For a LTR men have a standard of hotness, I can never weigh more than 130 lbs. or age past 30, have any kids or have slept with more than 2 people yet I need to be aggressive and kinky in the sack. I have to pay for my own food and provide my own transportation although it doesn't matter if I am intelligent of have a decent job. I am required to take his name upon marriage, bear his children and take care of them even if I must sacrifice my career and earning potential, do his laundry and keep his house clean, shop, make Dr. appointments, cook, especially holidays meals, oh and farting, belching or taking a poo doesn't stack up to a mans standards.
Ok really serious this time.
Oh where to begin?
First of all how did you ever get to be in your late 20's with a six figure job and consider yourself ambitious and intelligent without ever learning to think for yourself? Not to mention being stressed out and finding insignificant suggestions from friends to be impossible standards.
So basically you want to just hookup and go for it.
You really don't want to have a relationship or gf or you are just incredibly lazy.
And yet you post about how you don't understand why you aren't able to date.
If having basic manners, the ability to do basic adult tasks and to be presentable in public is a complete change for you I suggest you forget dating and stick with the f-buddy system.
Ok, second. A couple of your friends telling you what they find attractive in men is NOT impossible standards and requirements that WOMEN have. It is their personal opinion.
No, men don't have to be perfect. They just have to behave like adults--which includes taking responsibility for their own state of affairs instead of blaming an entire gender for supposedly having too many "requirements" or "impossible standards."
Pulling out a chair for someone: requirement
Doing " manly" things like watching sports and changing oil: requirement
Being told to buy flowers for a first date: requiement
Being a gentleman: requirement
Having a job: requirement
If a man lacks any of this above list, it doesn't make him any less of a man/adult. A girl I am seeing now always says I'm a gentleman, and I've never even opened my car door or pulled her chair out for her. BTW, being a gentleman starts with a mindset, not what you do. I know plenty of guys that open doors and such for women that ARE NOT gentleman once you get to know them.OP, make sure the girl gets to know YOU instead of her judging whether or not you held a door for her!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
