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Over the summer this guy (23) contacted me (21) on OKC and while we kept trying to make plans to meet up, they never worked out. He was either busy or I was (with school), bad timing mostly. I let it go but he'd occasionally try again. A few weeks ago I contacted him while I was at a party and we exchanged numbers and texted for a bit, that was that. So about 2 weeks ago, he drunk texts me (more like tipsy texts me) saying he's horny, it was about 2am. I invite him over, because I had gotten stood up that night and wasn't thinking straight, probably a bad idea. Anyway, he comes over, we have sex, talk about our lives, and sleep, he leaves the next morning.
He contacted me again later that week asking if I was interested in getting together again, so I ask what he expects from me, he says he doesn't want anything serious at the moment, which is fine, but that we can be cordial. Last Friday I spent the night at his place, we had sex, talked a lot about our personal lives, cuddled, slept. The next morning he goes to work after cuddling me for a while, and lets me sleep in longer, then comes back for lunch, we cuddle more, until it's time for me to leave. He came over that Sunday too, we have sex, talk, watch some TV, sleep.
So I think I'm getting slightly attached though I know it's way too soon for anything. He seems to like me enough but I'm trying to keep in mind what he said about not wanting anything serious. My question is, if I wanted to turn this into more how should I proceed? Or is it not possible and should I leave now before things get messy?
Possible? Yes. Probable? Not as along as he says he doesn't want anything "serious."
The thing is ... he can act like your BF, treat you like his GF, and go through all the motions. But as long as he keeps saying this ^^^, you will get hurt.
Over the summer this guy (23) contacted me (21) on OKC and while we kept trying to make plans to meet up, they never worked out. He was either busy or I was (with school), bad timing mostly. I let it go but he'd occasionally try again. A few weeks ago I contacted him while I was at a party and we exchanged numbers and texted for a bit, that was that. So about 2 weeks ago, he drunk texts me (more like tipsy texts me) saying he's horny, it was about 2am. I invite him over, because I had gotten stood up that night and wasn't thinking straight, probably a bad idea. Anyway, he comes over, we have sex, talk about our lives, and sleep, he leaves the next morning.
He contacted me again later that week asking if I was interested in getting together again, so I ask what he expects from me, he says he doesn't want anything serious at the moment, which is fine, but that we can be cordial. Last Friday I spent the night at his place, we had sex, talked a lot about our personal lives, cuddled, slept. The next morning he goes to work after cuddling me for a while, and lets me sleep in longer, then comes back for lunch, we cuddle more, until it's time for me to leave. He came over that Sunday too, we have sex, talk, watch some TV, sleep.
So I think I'm getting slightly attached though I know it's way too soon for anything. He seems to like me enough but I'm trying to keep in mind what he said about not wanting anything serious. My question is, if I wanted to turn this into more how should I proceed? Or is it not possible and should I leave now before things get messy?
Thanks in advance!
Depends on those involved as to how successful things will be.
Ask him and see what he says, otherwise continue to guess and ask random strangers on a public forum what to do with your life.
Possible? Yes. Probable? Not as along as he says he doesn't want anything "serious."
The thing is ... he can act like your BF, treat you like his GF, and go through all the motions. But as long as he keeps saying this ^^^, you will get hurt.
Honestly if I were you, I wouldn't expect anything more to develop. At least not this soon IF anything develops at all. It's possible things can go that way, but I wouldn't get my hopes up.
Over the summer this guy (23) contacted me (21) on OKC and while we kept trying to make plans to meet up, they never worked out. He was either busy or I was (with school), bad timing mostly. I let it go but he'd occasionally try again. A few weeks ago I contacted him while I was at a party and we exchanged numbers and texted for a bit, that was that. So about 2 weeks ago, he drunk texts me (more like tipsy texts me) saying he's horny, it was about 2am. I invite him over, because I had gotten stood up that night and wasn't thinking straight, probably a bad idea. Anyway, he comes over, we have sex, talk about our lives, and sleep, he leaves the next morning.
He contacted me again later that week asking if I was interested in getting together again, so I ask what he expects from me, he says he doesn't want anything serious at the moment, which is fine, but that we can be cordial. Last Friday I spent the night at his place, we had sex, talked a lot about our personal lives, cuddled, slept. The next morning he goes to work after cuddling me for a while, and lets me sleep in longer, then comes back for lunch, we cuddle more, until it's time for me to leave. He came over that Sunday too, we have sex, talk, watch some TV, sleep.
So I think I'm getting slightly attached though I know it's way too soon for anything. He seems to like me enough but I'm trying to keep in mind what he said about not wanting anything serious. My question is, if I wanted to turn this into more how should I proceed? Or is it not possible and should I leave now before things get messy?
Thanks in advance!
This is what some men to say to women, because they can practically smell the ones who want to get "serious" But they don't want to scare them off, especially is they enjoy their company and the sex is good. Personally I don't think you're going to get any more than you're getting right now. And if he finds someone he finds more appealing, even LESS.
If he was that into you, he wouldn't treat you like a FB. You aren't even FWB, because you only see him when he wants some. FWB are also friends outside of their sexual relationships.
He likes you enough to sleep with you and be cordial. That's it. Sorry.
If you're already catching feelings, you should leave before things get sloppy. The thing is, of course it's possible for FWB to become more. However, both parties have to want it. if he's adamant about not wanting anything serious, you can't change him, or proceed a certain way to make him want to date you officially.
The FWB situations I hear about, mostly from girls, on 13 separate occasions, ended the same. Girl catches feelings, wants something more serious, but the guy has not changed his mind, and they end up upset, hurt, and start feeling used because they're going along with the casual relationship to be with the guy, and they want more.
A quote from another thread. Just pasting. And spoiler, as it's lengthy.
Spoiler
Well alot of women-not all. So not to generalize. But many women tend to become enamored with men after having sex with them for a bit. I think, it's a hormone released. And it endears them to their sex partner. But, men can become attached as well. It just seems women are more vulnerable to it. And some men release a hormone, but it's not emotional like with the women, but physical.
And some guys have even stated that the only women they have casual sex relations with, are women they don't see as relationship material, or don't see as good matches for them. That way, the risk of feelings developing are lowered.
And in case of some women, they do the opposite, and sometimes genuinely like a guy already, then go into the FWB or FB relations with him, and the feelings get stronger. It's not good to have these kinds of relations with people you already have deeper feelings for, because if it doesn't develop into more, it leads to one person feeling used, and hurt. And some girls don't want FWB or FB. But the settle for that for the guy's sake, and hope that the guy will fall for them after having good sex for a bit. But sometimes, that doesn't work.
It's not really a gender thing. It's an individual thing and how 1 views sex. Some place more sentimental value on it. Others view it as a fun physical activity. Sex is one of those controversial things where many will have very different beliefs on it, and thus it may effect people differently.
And sometimes, feelings can make us see what we want to see. Like if a girl and guy have a casual sex arrangement, the guy may be very sensual, kind, interested in her life. And if the girl has feelings, she'll get more attached, thinking he loves her. But really that's what she wants to think. It's really just the guy being nice, and maybe caring for her as a person, but he's not in love with her. Because some think casual sex is "wham, bam, thank you ma'am." And it's not always like that. Some people are decent, an even if not dating you, they still like you. Sometimes, when you like someone on a deeper level, you'll over analyze, and read too much into everything they do. I am guilty of that.
It's possible, younger and more inexperienced women will suffer from getting attached, or becoming enamored. All the FWB relations I have seen are with women who aren't even 26 yet when it started. But I never see, or hear about women who are 30+ having this issue, sans 1.So, it may be something young girls get whipped by moreso than older more experienced and seasoned women.
But, if you 2 mainly meet for sex, I would say you're sex buddies rather than FWB. Unless he can appreciate your company and you can just hang-out without it always having to be sexual. With FWB, the sex is a perk/extra. But it's not the whole paycheck. If sex is the main motivation, it's sex buddy aka F. Buddy relationship, which is more disconnected.
Ask him out to do some "date" things, or a day time lunch with no sex for desert and see what he says.
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