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So I had a date today. My goal is to find a long-term girlfriend that will lead to marriage in the somewhat near future. In the past, I've been pretty aggressive with women, which has led to a lot of sex, but no meaningful relationships. All of my married friends and female friends say that chivalry works. So I figured I'd give it a shot with this girl.
This girl is an example of someone that chivalry SHOULD be endearing to. She's 32 and a professional that is supposedly looking for marriage and has supposedly had bad experiences in relationships. She claims to want children in the near future.
During the date, at first, she said all of the right things, talking about her career, how serious she is, where she would be willing to move, how good she is with children blah blah blah. She also kept going back to her favorite topic of her ex-fiancee that cheated on her 3 years ago.
While this was happening, I was opening doors for her, pulling out chairs for her, paying for the meals, etc. She didn't seem to appreciate anything (surprise, surprise).
We seemed to get along pretty well. She suggested a change in venue. So we went to this ice cream shop. There, as she was talking to me, she literally checked out EVERY guy that walked in (at first, I thought I was imagining it, but she clearly was checking them out). I found this to be extremely disrespectful and a complete turn-off.
At this point, I just wanted to get her out of there. So I drove her back to her car. I was too turned off to make a move. We talked for a bit. I decided to set a second date, just in case I changed my mind after thinking about it for a bit. I asked her what she was doing next week. She said that she has this and that to do and that she'll see me when she comes to visit our mutual friend in a month. I asked her if this was actually a first date (because I was confused at that point) and she said yes. So then I clearly asked her on a second date and she said something along the lines of "If you want to drive down here...".
I realize at this point that I've obviously been friendzoned. So I go for the exit. I shake her hand, but then she jumps in my arms. I'm so beyond turned off at this point that I just leave. I will not be contacting her again, but, if I did, I guarantee that she will not respond.
What really sucks is that my friend wanted to introduce me to another girl, but because this date lasted for 4 hours, I wasn't able to make it on time.
Anyway, I talked to my friends after the date and they seem to believe that I overreacted. Personally, I don't think that I did. I've met women like this in the past and I've found that if they are blatantly disrespectful on the first date, then it will only get worse when they are comfortable with you.
Also, I was hesitant to get involved with her to begin with because of her age. However, I figured that she would be more mature than the girls that I usually date (early to mid 20s). This doesn't appear to be the case though.
So what do you think? Did I overreact here?
She sounds like a pill. I would have said something to her as soon as she kept bringing up the ex. I never do that because I'm over him. She's obviously not.
Dump her and move on.
As far as the younger girl, at your age, you won't have much in common.
She sounds like a pill. I would have said something to her as soon as she kept bringing up the ex. I never do that because I'm over him. She's obviously not.
Dump her and move on.
As far as the younger girl, at your age, you won't have much in common.
Don't forget the possibility that she was sabotaging the date as soon as she decided she didn't really like him. For all you know, she could be quite pleasant with someone she does like. Of course this is all the more reason not to give her another chance.
Dude, how did the date last 4 hours? Who allows a date that isn't working out to drag on for 4 hours? Especially when there's another potential date waiting? (How did you get set up for 2 dates in 1 day, anyway?) 4 hours, and all you know about her is that she's not into you, she is into marriage and kids, and she hates her ex? You're doing it wrong. You should've put both of you out of your misery as soon as dinner was over. And now you want to go back for more? WTF?!
I wouldn't give her any more of my time if I came away feeling like that after 1 date. She's too caught up in her own BS and wouldn't make a good GF or wife anyway. RUN!
As I told you on your last thread, you are very lucky to have good friends who actually care enough to try to help you. You need it.
Is he? As we discussed in the other thread much of the "advice" he was given was truely crappy. And now it sounds like there was no "click" on the date.
Had they not given him such poor self serving "advice" and he had shown up and simply been himself - rather than the self his "friends" wanted him to be - could or would the date have gone any different?
I do not know - you do not know - but we certainly have grounds to suspect it might be so.
Do his friends want women to meet him - or some "him" they construct first based on their own poor opinions?
Is he? As we discussed in the other thread much of the "advice" he was given was truely crappy. And now it sounds like there was no "click" on the date.
Had they not given him such poor self serving "advice" and he had shown up and simply been himself - rather than the self his "friends" wanted him to be - could or would the date have gone any different?
I do not know - you do not know - but we certainly have grounds to suspect it might be so.
Do his friends want women to meet him - or some "him" they construct first based on their own poor opinions?
I thought that too as I read this thread. I think the OP needs to take a break, get to know himself more and go from there. OP, there's nothing wrong with taking a break... there should be no time table with dating and I think that is what stresses you out - you place a time table on when things should get done from other peoples' standards.
Is he? As we discussed in the other thread much of the "advice" he was given was truely crappy. And now it sounds like there was no "click" on the date.
Had they not given him such poor self serving "advice" and he had shown up and simply been himself - rather than the self his "friends" wanted him to be - could or would the date have gone any different?
I do not know - you do not know - but we certainly have grounds to suspect it might be so.
Do his friends want women to meet him - or some "him" they construct first based on their own poor opinions?
Well the OP has a lot of posts on the subject of how he wants a LTR but cant get a woman despite his efforts and he wonders why that is. If he discusses this with his female friends its no wonder they are trying to help him out.
People who meet, for whatever reason, sometimes hit it off, and sometimes they don't. You can't make it happen. If it isn't there, it isnt't there. Say goodbye and move on. Maybe the next one will be a winner.
As usual the simplest response is the correct one.
Well the OP has a lot of posts on the subject of how he wants a LTR but cant get a woman despite his efforts and he wonders why that is. If he discusses this with his female friends its no wonder they are trying to help him out.
Oh I do not question their motivations per se - they may actually want to help - I am more questioning their implementation. They think the best way to sell him to women is to basically change him to someone he is not. That is not likely to help. Many of us would rather remain single forever than spend forever with someone who likes us for a false front we put up - and not the real us.
Most often in the people who come to _me_ for assistance in finding a partner - are not failing because anything about themselves per se. But are failing because they are over investing in getting a partner as a goal. And people can smell an agenda a mile off. Sometimes the best way to find a partner in this life is simply to stop trying.
Oh I do not question their motivations per se - they may actually want to help - I am more questioning their implementation. They think the best way to sell him to women is to basically change him to someone he is not. That is not likely to help. Many of us would rather remain single forever than spend forever with someone who likes us for a false front we put up - and not the real us.
Most often in the people who come to _me_ for assistance in finding a partner - are not failing because anything about themselves per se. But are failing because they are over investing in getting a partner as a goal. And people can smell an agenda a mile off. Sometimes the best way to find a partner in this life is simply to stop trying.
This is very true. It's pretty well known within my friend circle that I'm wanting a relationship. I went on dates with pretty good women, but I led to early with wanting a relationship. In the end, they likely felt that they were just supplying a role in my life. It wasn't the vibe I wanted to put off at all, but it was the vibe they felt. I doubt my desire for a relationshp will die down anytime soon, but I need reevaluate how I come off to eligible women.
None of us are bad people, it's just that dating really isn't all that easy anymore.
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