Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You are obviously not into him for some reason and looking for excuses. I think it has very little to do with your feelings for someone else. It is that you are not feeling it for HIM. Don't blow smoke up his butt and play the tortured maiden who is "still getting over a bad relationship."
Guys fall for that line all the time and it is almost never true. Tell the truth. Don't be one of those girls.
I'm extremely interested in a girl whom I think is emotionally unavailable. It's awful.
It is indeed awful! The former fling was emotionally unavailable and therefore wouldn't commit to anyone I believe. He preferred to sleep around. I wasn't aware of this until I "dated" him. Then he hurt my feelings when I gathered he was only in it for sex.
I wouldn't want to put this new man in the position I was in a couple months ago. Sure, my goal isn't to sleep with him and dump him, but the core element of the matter is the same: "emotional blockage". I resented the former fling for dating me even though he knew I wasn't the hookup type and he wasn't ready for something serious. Therefore, I don't want to date someone knowing that I won't be able to deliver anything. I could try, but it would be playing with fire. Don't treat others the way you don't want to be treated is a principle to bare in mind here.
You are obviously not into him for some reason and looking for excuses. I think it has very little to do with your feelings for someone else. It is that you are not feeling it for HIM. Don't blow smoke up his butt and play the tortured maiden who is "still getting over a bad relationship."
Guys fall for that line all the time and it is almost never true. Tell the truth. Don't be one of those girls.
Yes, I think there's a bit of truth to what you just said. I didn't get the "instant connection" feeling I usually get with guys I'm into. Sure, we have great conversations and he's great on paper, but is it enough for me to push my feelings aside and date him? I tried it once and it didn't end too well.
I recently met a guy who looks great on paper (good looking, smart, kind, classy, well-mannered, ambitious, financially stable and successful). He seems like a perfect match on many levels as we're "equals" when it comes to career and success.
I technically should date the guy because he ticks 85% of my criteria. The problem is that I am still hung up on some guy who rejected me months and months ago when he didn't get the milk from the cow. This former fling has no career prospects and his educational achivements are limited to high school. I can't seem to be able to move on from him though. I already rejected plenty of great guys because I was still into him but this time around I'm not sure what to do.
Sure, the fact that I am on the verge of giving this new man a chance is a proof I'm moving forward but I remain very confused.
This new guy seems like a great catch yet I'm still hoping for the former fling to come back. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to go out with this new guy if I'm not 100% available emotionally. I don't want to string him along.
Additional "cons"
✧ One little thing that bothers me is his name, but I can get past this.
✧ Another "issue" is that he comes from a background which expects the practice of a certain religion. Although he regards himself as "liberal", I'm quite scared I'd end up being trapped in some kind of cultural drama. I'm usually wary of very religious guys. I don't want to be controlled, not to mention he's almost 30 and I'm 24.
How should I handle this?
Thanks,
What do you think from reading your own written words?
Let's break it down:
he ticks 85% of "my criteria":
It sounds like you are shopping for a used car
still can't get over the last loser I was with:
Apparently he was closer than you thought to a 95%
"one little thing that bothers me is his name, but I can sacrifice myself and get past this"
On the top 5 list of being very shallow
"he comes from a certain religion and I'm scared I'll end up trapped"
On the top 5 list of being judgmental
Yes, I think there's a bit of truth to what you just said. I didn't get the "instant connection" feeling I usually get with guys I'm into. Sure, we have great conversations and he's great on paper, but is it enough for me to push my feelings aside and date him? I tried it once and it didn't end too well.
Of course not. Don't date someone you are not attracted to. Ever. But don't feed him a line that will make him think you just need time to "get over" something, or he will wait and pine and end up on here posting like a little ***** and we don't need more of them!
I think religion plays a part in most relationships whether you want to admit it or not. It'd be a lie to think it wouldn't have any effect whatsoever on the dynamic. It's a matter of cultural differences. I want to make sure I can dress/act the way I want without being criticized or deemed "unpure".
His name ... As I said, it's no big deal and I can get past it. It's not being shallow in my opinion. It's a matter of taste but he didn't name himself, so it's no big deal really.
We all have certain non-negotiables when it comes to dating, we all have standards. When I use %, it's with regards to the standards I set for myself. I'm not using an actual list of pre-defined criteria.
It is indeed awful! The former fling was emotionally unavailable and therefore wouldn't commit to anyone I believe. He preferred to sleep around. I wasn't aware of this until I "dated" him. Then he hurt my feelings when I gathered he was only in it for sex.
So why are you still hung up on him and hope he wants you back?
You're not emotionally unavailable, you're just not into him. Just be honest about it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
