Keep maiden name? (marriage, women, young, family)

[jaredC]

So, should the guy feel hurt or mad when his fiancé announces to him that she will keep her maiden name? Marriage has always been on the table for us for many months. And I guess it's not the first time she has said she will keep her last name when we marry. Early on I kind of shrugged it off, thinking she will change her mind and accept mine after we marry. Yesterday marriage topic came up and she once again said she will keep her last name. I don't really know exactly how I feel about this. I want her to take my last name, but she is adamant about the issue. I don't want to start a battle with her, and she knows how important it is for me that she take my last name. Is it disrespectful to hold onto her last name? Should I just let it go?

[SD4020]

That's solely her choice. Nothing wrong with keeping her maiden name.

[Dewdroplet76]

It's disrespectful for you to not respect her wishes. A person's last name is a part of their identity. Some women want to hang on to that. It's important to them. It doesn't have anything to do with you - it's about her.

[timberline742]

let it go
it is her name

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76

A person's last name is a part of their identity. Some women want to hang on to that. It's important to them. It doesn't have anything to do with you - it's about her.

And all of that ^^^ can be said of the groom as well.

It has EVERYTHING to do with him since the traditional view of marriage was a merging of the families, two becoming one, etc etc etc.

I get his feelings. He doesn't need to be slapped away like he invented this idea. One of them will have to compromise, and based on his other threads we all know who it will be.

[glenmorangie]

I think it's really outdated (or is conservative the better word?) to expect the woman to take the man's last name. There are plenty of women who want to do it, but some have their reasons for keeping theirs.

I'm an only child and the last member of my family in this country in terms of lineage. I don't think I want kids, but I do plan on keeping my last name so it doesn't disappear when I marry. I don't want that to happen to my family's name for that reason.

OP, if it means a ton to you, you could consider double-barrelling your names if she's up for it. That's sort of a compromise?

[gardener34]

Pre marriage, I brought it up: My current spouse pitched such a fit, I did not keep my maiden name. I use it as my middle name. To this day I am kind of resentful I have to say. I would let it go.
Although I would say it would be confusing in school for the kids. BUT we live in an area where many of the parents are young and unmarried, in the school phone list, the parents do not have the same last name anyway. I think it is more common than I previously thought.

[MJ7]

I'm not a believer in marriage, but I do like it more when people keep their own name sake. I'm not a fan of the double last name though, like Haha Clinton-Dix.

[Mikala43]

Why is it important to you? Why is it important to her?

At the end of the day, it is her decision. If I were you, I wouldn't be offended. It's hard to up and leave the name that is part of your identity.

[jaredC]

See, I've always viewed this as traditional.