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It's the public assistance/2 kids/2 different fathers/"professional" job that doesn't earn you enough to keep you off assistance combo.
This is your real problem.
Get yourself off assistance. You apparently have enough money for 2 cars and a house.
Cut back to one car, get off assistance, and keep the parentage of your kids to yourself.
You probably should consider working on a degree part-time. Guys like smart women who are actively working to better themselves.
People keep giving the same obvious advice. Which is why I think OP has an entitled attitude.
No way would I ever think I would be attractive to the type this poster is looking for, if I was a college drop out, with 2 kids by 2 men, and on public assistance. I am beginning to think poster either thinks her looks will get her by... and it did with daddy #1 and daddy #2.
Now you either going to have to do some real work on yourself (not just working out at the gym or new lip gloss) or settle.....
I am trying to date in the age range of 32-40. I have gone out with ages 22-45. I am just not attracted to older guys. I still look like I am in my 20's. (Might even still act like I am...lol) A guy I dated in high school came into my work today. He did not even say hi, he just said I have not changed one bit. And I really have not changed much at all.
I am just not finding what I am looking for, in the men that have an interest in me. I do try to look for and attract men in other avenues.
You make look young for your age but with online dating people know your age and they know you have two kids. I think with the age range you are seeking combined with the fact you have two kids and don't want more is a tough sell. They either want kids of their own and if they don't there are plenty of women out there who don't have kids they can date.
I think you need to really consider dating older than 40. You don't have to give every guy 40 pulse a chance but I have a hard time believing there are no decent men over 40. If the pickings are that slim in your area then expand the distance you are willing to date.
actually I didn't ignore your clarification.... I'm fully aware that you are merely listing what you believe are attributes based on general perception.
I even posted a subsequent post to convey this very thing. My exception is and continues to be this perception that merely being white is some sort of attribute. And I want it to be perfectly clear that no one was making a comment about you desiring to date within your own race. To erroneously chalk it up to people not understanding you wanting to date within your race diminishes the point I was making.
But then again you are an intelligent woman.... you are fully aware of this. So stop it... stop trying to shift the attention that *I* made it a race issue...
You have 2 children with 2 different fathers, you are out of work and on public assistance. Sorry, but all those things trump being attractive, well spoken, no tattoos or body piercing... and yes being white.
There are scores of white women who can say the same, and they are employed, and they aren't on government assistance, and they aren't unmarried mothers with multiple baby daddies. Just like you think you can do better, evidently the type of men you are seeking out think they can do better.
Being white is not an attribute. I am looking for a white man and listed that I am white, to emphasize that it is not a typical deal breaker to most men I am seeking. You are very much making this a race issue. It is not at all.
Also to clarify, i am not out of work. I work 40-48 hours every week, at a worldwide, legitimate company.
Not that it is any of your business, but I was legally married when I had my oldest. I wanted to marry my sons father.
You make look young for your age but with online dating people know your age and they know you have two kids. I think with the age range you are seeking combined with the fact you have two kids and don't want more is a tough sell. They either want kids of their own and if they don't there are plenty of women out there who don't have kids they can date.
I think you need to really consider dating older than 40. You don't have to give every guy 40 pulse a chance but I have a hard time believing there are no decent men over 40. If the pickings are that slim in your area then expand the distance you are willing to date.
Honestly, forget looking at 40's. I am struggling to find a guy my age that I am attracted to. I have spent the last 10 years dating guys 5+ years younger.
if I can't find attraction there is zero point to have a man.
I do not share that I get assistance in dating, so it has zero to do with anything. I do not share at all even with friends and family.
I would not get it if I received child support.
How old are your kids?
And why (if you have a good, professional job) do you qualify for public assistance?
Believe me, I would never knock a person who could not do better and needed assistance, but I seem to recall some sort of thing from your previous thread about gaming the system to be able to own multiple vehicles (which do not seem necessary for a single adult) and buy real estate.
Gaming the system doesn't strike me as an admirable trait.
I have 3 kids. One is an adult now. The other 2 are teenagers. I have a white-collar job, I receive no child support.
I'm remarried. I'm white. So is my husband. He's also younger than me. I've never dated a 40-plus yo and I AM over 40.
It can be done. I feel like you're leaving out some key pieces of info.
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And why (if you have a good, professional job) do you qualify for public assistance?
Believe me, I would never knock a person who could not do better and needed assistance, but I seem to recall some sort of thing from your previous thread about gaming the system to be able to own multiple vehicles (which do not seem necessary for a single adult) and buy real estate.
Gaming the system doesn't strike me as an admirable trait.
I have 3 kids. One is an adult now. The other 2 are teenagers. I have a white-collar job, I receive no child support.
I'm remarried. I'm white. So is my husband. He's also younger than me. I've never dated a 40-plus yo and I AM over 40.
It can be done. I feel like you're leaving out some key pieces of info.
I qualify based on my income. Assets are not a factor. One of my cars is more of a toy and not something that can be driven daily.
I do not game the system in any way. I provide all my financial information including bank statements, pay stubs, utility bills, daycare bills, and mortgage statements. Having real estate does not disqualify.
Being white is not an attribute. I am looking for a white man and listed that I am white, to emphasize that it is not a typical deal breaker to most men I am seeking. You are very much making this a race issue. It is not at all.
Okay, fair enough.... you were listing what you perceive would be desirable for your intended subgroup. I won't comment to you about this, (since you have clarified your statement) but if anyone else tries to misconstrue what *I* was saying... I will defend it.... because I was not wrong in my feeling and what I said about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
I would not get it if I received child support.
and that is really unfortunate....
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
Honestly, forget looking at 40's. I am struggling to find a guy my age that I am attracted to. I have spent the last 10 years dating guys 5+ years younger.
if I can't find attraction there is zero point to have a man.
I have to agree with you here. and age is going to be a hard one for you as someone said, you are looking in an age group that the men want their own children... and you said you are all done, or if they don't want their own children they surely don't want anyone else's..... You are going to compromise on some issues... either the age, or ruling future kids, or not as much money, or shorter than you, or not as good looking. Because even though it is not politically correct..... kids ARE a deal breaker for some... havein money issues, no degree will be an issue for some as well.
But truly I think you need more time and patience and a better disposition. I haven't even talked to you on the phone yet I have notice a condescending tone you take with people. I can imagine it is even more evident in verbal conversations....
I qualify based on my income. Assets are not a factor. One of my cars is more of a toy and not something that can be driven daily.
I do not game the system in any way. I provide all my financial information including bank statements, pay stubs, utility bills, daycare bills, and mortgage statements. Having real estate does not disqualify.
I need to print this out thread out the next time someone talk to me about milking the system. OP you are absolutely correct... if you (or anyone) qualifies for welfare you should get it.
Just sounds so much more believable coming from you than me.
Honestly, forget looking at 40's. I am struggling to find a guy my age that I am attracted to. I have spent the last 10 years dating guys 5+ years younger.
if I can't find attraction there is zero point to have a man.
Everyone 'reaches' when dating. You are used to dating younger guys and the guys didn't mind because you still look good. Once you get into the wrong side of 30 the shift starts to happen which is exactly what you are experiencing now. You would have more luck if you didn't have kids but you can't change that, but you have to account for it. The best looking and successful men can do better then what you have to offer, not being mean, just being blunt. You aren't getting younger but the women that these type of men are attracted to are getting younger.
So if the 'A' list men aren't interested in you then you need to look at the B list. 300 pound dudes are obviously in the D or F list.
I don't date guys but this is the kind of guy that you could probably expect:
33-45
Employed with a decent full time, if he makes more then $50k probably a catch
Already has kids of his own, doesn't want more because you don't want more. Good luck trying to find a guy in his late 20s or early 30s that doesn't want kids but is ok if you have kids unless he has some serious drawbacks.
Height/weight proportionate but not hot, reasonably good looking. If he is hot he can do better or he lacks charisma to get the kind of woman he really wants.
Every guy wants a woman like this:
This is the type of woman you are competing with for A list guys, these women are probably also child free. Most men are realistic and know they can't get a woman like that unless they are crazy good looking, great job, great personality, and probably some luck because women like this aren't typically single unless she wants to be. Just keeping it real for you.
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