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This thought just came to my mind. I know from a guy's POV that there aren't many quality women online. The few ones there are probably get guy spammed because they rarely respond. I am guessing the reasoning why there are few quality women online is that they don't need to be online. My friends say that the reason why you don't see many good looking women on dating sites is they don't need to use a dating site.
So flip that around for men. Men that have their act together, good looking, professional, etc. maybe they don't use dating sites for the same reason why good looking women don't. It would kind of explain some of the complaints the women are having about the trashy men online.
Well, I don't think there's a LOT of those who look good, got their act together, are professional, etc. of either sex. I think it's perceived that those who are in the category of having it all (or nearly having it all) would not be using OLD sites. Well, they could be like the story you gave where there was divorce. They could be if they were in a relationship for a long time and had a breakup and they can't meet people through their normal networks. There's many more reasons for why there are quality people using OLD, but the fact is, there's a limited supply of such perfect people makes it even harder to find them online, let alone, in real life. The odds of encountering one of those quality people is slim, and the odds of having compatibility with one of those people is even slimmer. The reality is, there's more trash in numbers in real life and so logic dictates that they'd migrate online as well, so trash makes a really heavily saturated representation.
The issue for me would be that the woman has kids, not that she makes <40k. The last woman I was interested in was on foodstamps, one child, broke but seemed responsible with her money, no college yet, was a CNA and just joined the army reserves to better her future. She was in her 20s, beautiful, slender, and a great person. Unfortunately for me she met another guy 2 weeks before I met her and is in a LTR with him now. I still feel the disappointment of not being able to date her now. But I totally would have been more then willing to be her man.
Now back before I started my business and was broke, I still would have dated her but I wouldn't let her be a financial burden on me. She would have had to carry her own weight and not be asking me for help all the time.
Men with means naturally want to provide because it makes us feel like a man. A man that has his own house without roommates often times offer their GF to move in with him once they get serious. It is a bit of a man thing and an ego trip to have the means and assets to take care of a woman that we are attracted to. What he is looking for in return in affection and appreciation.
I'll agree to that most men would want to provide for their female and be her protector. However, that's becoming less and less common, esp. amongst guys under the 35 yr old bracket.
I don't have kids, I take care of myself, I'm well educated, and I worked in all sorts of jobs, I was in a small business partnership with a friend at one point, and this was all before I decided to quit the film industry job I had in order to move to be closer to my mom and decided to go back to school to get a 3rd degree. I have plans on what I'm going to do to earn a living and have set goals, however, most guys when they find out that I'm a student again and I have a little part time job, they get freaked out. They think I'm not "serious" enough and I'm too different because I have opposing values and views- I think money can be made at any time through any means and I hold a disdainful regard towards status. My views on money also clashes as I believe money is power and freedom, but I would want to make money to live, NOT live to make money (as most guys are driven to). I'm not interested in chasing paper for the sake of it, I'm learning ways to better master the material plane and I'm setting the foundations for the little business I want to do. A lot of guys are focused and even obsessed with working, career building (ego boosting), competing, and making money. I'm not interested in any of that. I want to make money, but only what would be viable to live off of and spend some of it for modest comforts and nice things, but I don't believe in excess. Most guys I encounter are obsessed with earning excessive amounts of money so they can flaunt to others how "successful" they are, and with that viewpoint/personality, they are going to attract a lot of gold diggers who are primed as trophy wives.
As for me, I can't find a guy who's level headed enough to want to build a solid life with a decent female and live in a high quality but modest life, nor is he optimistic enough to believe in me or my abilities to earn a sustainable wage so we can have a partnership. Guys are mostly interested in how they appear to others and only want what other guys want. I'm too different, and I often get overlooked. I'm not beautiful enough to be a trophy, but I'm not cleaver/ambitious enough to be a career power woman.
I've had a really hard time finding my match, and it wasn't for the lack of trying, but I see a lot of women who have baggages where they're uneducated, poor, have kid(s), and they can trap men like flies to honey. I can't get a good man to save my life, probably since the ones that I'd get along with are already married to someone else.
I have made the same experience and I don't have children.
Also guys who don't ever ask me out and when I finally ask then they don't have money to go out for a drink. Last one even was a CPA.
I only get contacted by obese guys, losers, too old guys, guys with tons of kids, ...
My pictures are classy, nice clothes on, nice hair, I have all my teeth, not showing any cleavage, not sl utt y, no partying or bikini.
My POF profile says I am a "professional" working in "executive", no kids, no drugs, longest relationship over 8 years.
I think it's just that the losers are trying more than the better looking guys.
I hate to say this, but I think the better quality bachelors are not online looking.... they are meeting people IRL, at the market, at family bbq, being set up by family and friends...
They are not looking online cold. I am beginning to think that the guys online are looking online for a reason.... they are not serious (looking for hookups/casual sex) or they have issues (social dysfunction, under/unemployed, basically a jerk, obese, seriously height challenged, homely... or a combination of above.
I think there a few gems, but they get paired within days of joining site... what's left are the undesirables and players.
I have been on and off OLD for about a year. I am amazed of the ones that have been on there consistently for a year... throughout the year they have emailed me... I get on after a few months and find a dozen flirts/views/emails from them. They never match up with anyone and leave...
I hate to say this, but I think the better quality bachelors are not online looking.... they are meeting people IRL, at the market, at family bbq, being set up by family and friends...
They are not looking online cold. I am beginning to think that the guys online are looking online for a reason.... they are not serious (looking for hookups/casual sex) or they have issues (social dysfunction, under/unemployed, basically a jerk, obese, seriously height challenged, homely... or a combination of above.
I think there a few gems, but they get paired within days of joining site... what's left are the undesirables and players.
I have been on and off OLD for about a year. I am amazed of the ones that have been on there consistently for a year... throughout the year they have emailed me... I get on after a few months and find a dozen flirts/views/emails from them. They never match up with anyone and leave...
When I talked to a few, I realize the reason why.
You may be correct.
I have hinted to friends that I would like to meet someone. When out and about I am making eye contact and looking for someone that is physically attractive to me, that is not with a woman or wearing a ring.
I may just give up the online thing. I am talking to a guy that had a great job, similar interests, financially together and I enjoy talking to him on the phone. We talked about meeting next week. He will be number 32... Since the beginning of August.
I hate to say this, but I think the better quality bachelors are not online looking.... they are meeting people IRL, at the market, at family bbq, being set up by family and friends...
They are not looking online cold. I am beginning to think that the guys online are looking online for a reason.... they are not serious (looking for hookups/casual sex) or they have issues (social dysfunction, under/unemployed, basically a jerk, obese, seriously height challenged, homely... or a combination of above.
I think there a few gems, but they get paired within days of joining site... what's left are the undesirables and players.
I have been on and off OLD for about a year. I am amazed of the ones that have been on there consistently for a year... throughout the year they have emailed me... I get on after a few months and find a dozen flirts/views/emails from them. They never match up with anyone and leave...
When I talked to a few, I realize the reason why.
It really doesn't surprise me. Before free OLD sites, there was Craigslist Personals. Craigslist had the same crappy reputation for luring the most socially inept people to its personal ads. Most likely, these same creepers have just migrated to the free OLD sites.
I have hinted to friends that I would like to meet someone. When out and about I am making eye contact and looking for someone that is physically attractive to me, that is not with a woman or wearing a ring.
I may just give up the online thing. I am talking to a guy that had a great job, similar interests, financially together and I enjoy talking to him on the phone. We talked about meeting next week. He will be number 32... Since the beginning of August.
OMG that is a lot of men. You have been really focused on this. I have only gone out on ... WOW! I've been on 8 dates..... that seems like a lot to me. I guess it is easy to meet a few duds...
I can understand why you are getting exasperated. I am chnaging my "goal". My goal is not to find a LTR or husband to be.. my goal is meet new, interesting and fun people. I think if I change my focus I won't get so upset about the outcomes of these meetings.
So by focusing on meeting with people who are compatible and attractive to me... and not finding a "great catch"
Seems like a lot of duds to me as well. So either the exceptionally crappy ones are the only ones attracted to me, or I am rightfully picky and wil still be single when I get to the 132nd. :-)
I'm trying to figure this out. How can you not find good guys with on-line dating? You're in the greater LA area. I'm assuming that means you're pretty close to the city - one of the biggest in the country with a lot going on to attract hip, single people. Judging by the pictures you posted on C-D, if you don't mind me saying, you are very attractive. I can understand you would get tons of wacky responses, but I would expect you would get lots of potential dates, too.
A short story, if I may. My brother and his wife were good friends with a couple in their (fairly affluent) neighborhood. A few years ago, that couple split up (the husband cheated). After they were separated, but before the divorce was even final, the (ex) wife started using match.com, with the intent of an LTR and eventually marriage.
Now, this woman was in her mid-thirties with 2 young daughters (she kept the house and they were living with her), but fairly attractive, and she had a good, high-paying job. She was also extremely high maintenance. (On a weekend trip to Key West, she packed 4 suitcases with, among other things, 7 pairs of shoes).
When she did her profile (I got all this from my sister-in-law) she set the bar very, very high. For example, the guy had to make >$100k, and if he didn't, that was a deal-breaker. And she got a lot of dates out of it, with some good guys (my sister-in-law met one or two). Most of those didn't last long term, because, as I said, she had really high standards. Well, she did eventually meet someone through match that she married about a year ago. I would think someone like you would have this woman beat by a mile.
I'm interested in this, because I know some people who have sworn by OLD, some who haven't had any success, and then there's posts on C-D that completely dismiss it. How are people having such different experiences?
By the way, what did the drug dealer guy list as his profession in his profile?
I live 60 mls away from LA. That is too much to drive for many people in LA. There are too many options for them closer and they dont want to do the drive. In my area, there are hardly any singles. If you have 4,000 girls to choose from (just an example), why pick the one that doesnt live around the corner?
The drug dealer has a cover up roofing business. I was wondering how he could text me all day long but apparently works on roofs. He even showed me tshirts with his logo and a truck with his last name and roofing business printed on it.
Well, can you maybe meet and socialize with some who are in the friend zone because they are lacking some of your qualities? This is assuming you would like to go out with male companion at times... maybe not because you are busy with kids and work...?
If so I would let the guys know up front that I don't feel a "love" type connection with them but think they are nice/fun to be with and wouldn't mind hanging out. I would then expect to go dutch when we do go out, and no sexual interactions... just friends.
2 things, first these guys may have brother/cousin/friend that maybe better suited and second you have an opportunity to have fun/socialize and build your social network.
These guys would be like the 20 something year olds, or some that don't fit your education preference. But it would not be jerks, or "clingons"....
Well, can you maybe meet and socialize with some who are in the friend zone because they are lacking some of your qualities? This is assuming you would like to go out with male companion at times... maybe not because you are busy with kids and work...?
If so I would let the guys know up front that I don't feel a "love" type connection with them but think they are nice/fun to be with and wouldn't mind hanging out. I would then expect to go dutch when we do go out, and no sexual interactions... just friends.
2 things, first these guys may have brother/cousin/friend that maybe better suited and second you have an opportunity to have fun/socialize and build your social network.
These guys would be like the 20 something year olds, or some that don't fit your education preference. But it would not be jerks, or "clingons"....
The main reason I want a relationship is for the sexual interactions,cuddling and affection.
I do things with friends all the time. Please do not assume I sit home because that is not at all my situation. I have a great friend base and have guy and girlfriends I talk to daily. Being social and getting out is not an issue for me.
I have plans every day this weekend and no time for dates. Tonight is bingo, tomorrow is breakfast with Santa and kid craft activity at local camp and sunday is town winter celebration and parade.
I really book a schedule or look for things to do all the time.
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I guess it is easy to meet a few duds...
