Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-15-2014, 05:46 PM
 
1,324 posts, read 2,009,084 times
Reputation: 1075

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I'm trying to figure out what her redeeming qualities are.
yup, pretty much this. she isn't a keeper, not gf committment material. almost sounds like borderline personality disorder or other mental health condition. i would disenage and keep it friends at best.

good luck disconnecting OP.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-15-2014, 05:54 PM
 
19 posts, read 15,894 times
Reputation: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Clean View Post
yup, pretty much this. she isn't a keeper, not gf committment material. almost sounds like borderline personality disorder or other mental health condition. i would disenage and keep it friends at best.

good luck disconnecting OP.
She used to self harm and also got PTSD from a single incident in her late teens.

Self harm and PTSD are common in borderline folks. They get PTSD more easily.

Also, she has a history of early childhood abuse, which seems to trigger BPD in females especially.

I've thought she has borderline traits for months now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-15-2014, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
10,379 posts, read 10,879,090 times
Reputation: 18713
And what is there that is positive about this woman. She's guaranteed to be unfaithful and use you, based on her past history. In fact, judging by her behavior, she probably already is or has been unfaithful. Save yourself a lot of money and heartbreak and break it off. She's seriously damaged goods. People that have these problems like bipolar, BPD, are basically completely self centered and could care less about your feelings. They only see things from their point of view because that's all that really matters to them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-15-2014, 05:59 PM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,287,003 times
Reputation: 50370
Quote:
Originally Posted by raisins1234 View Post
She used to self harm and also got PTSD from a single incident in her late teens.

Self harm and PTSD are common in borderline folks. They get PTSD more easily.

Also, she has a history of early childhood abuse, which seems to trigger BPD in females especially.

I've thought she has borderline traits for months now.
Are you sticking around just so you can keep running her down on this forum? Or do you want folks to feel bad for you? You've made the case...now move on!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-15-2014, 06:01 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by raisins1234 View Post
She used to self harm and also got PTSD from a single incident in her late teens.

Self harm and PTSD are common in borderline folks. They get PTSD more easily.

Also, she has a history of early childhood abuse, which seems to trigger BPD in females especially.

I've thought she has borderline traits for months now.
OP, it's the childhood abuse that would set her up for PTSD. She may have already had some low-level PTSD from the chronic abuse. Once those neural pathways are laid down, it's easy to re-trigger PTSD. You seem a bit judgmental of her for getting PTSD "from a single incident". For most people, that's all it takes, depending on the nature of the incident. One bad car accident, or an assault or being the victim of some other crime, etc.

Anyway, it seems like not only are you two not compatible, but you're not really cut out for handling someone with this kind of baggage, so calling it off is the right thing to do.

Oh, and btw, compulsive lying and sometimes promiscuity are part of the package with PTSD after chronic abuse in childhood. Especially if there was sexual abuse involved. But lying can be an adaptive response to try to avoid any kind of abuse. From there, it becomes habitual, or at least, the person doesn't view it as a moral concern.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-15-2014, 06:01 PM
 
19 posts, read 15,894 times
Reputation: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Are you sticking around just so you can keep running her down on this forum? Or do you want folks to feel bad for you? You've made the case...now move on!
I think you need to ask yourself this:

Why do you care so much?

Why did you originally state that you are tired of MEN talking bad about WOMEN, specifically?

You'll notice, my original intent was to ask 'is this as bad as it seems to me?'

I don't see how getting support that I am not viewing this oddly is so bad. Especially, when my original post was a recounting and then honest question related to how others would view this situation. I did not know I would be so supported.

Just don't check the thread. And don't get mad over an anonymous male speaking ill of an anonymous female.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-15-2014, 06:05 PM
 
19 posts, read 15,894 times
Reputation: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, it's the childhood abuse that would set her up for PTSD. She may have already had some low-level PTSD from the chronic abuse. Once those neural pathways are laid down, it's easy to re-trigger PTSD. You seem a bit judgmental of her for getting PTSD "from a single incident". For most people, that's all it takes, depending on the nature of the incident. One bad car accident, or an assault or being the victim of some other crime, etc.

Anyway, it seems like not only are you two not compatible, but you're not really cut out for handling someone with this kind of baggage, so calling it off is the right thing to do.

Oh, and btw, compulsive lying and sometimes promiscuity are sometimes part of the package with PTSD after chronic abuse in childhood. Especially if there was sexual abuse involved. But lying can be an adaptive response to try to avoid any kind of abuse. From there, it becomes habitual, or at least, the person doesn't view it as a moral concern.

Good post. I am not judging PTSD. I've just read that people with BPD are more likely to get PTSD, so getting it from a single incident would be more understandable and fit with BPD. Also, child abuse relates to BPD, so I've heard, but I have no doubt it makes PTSD more common too as you said. So, it is a big spider's web.

Also, her dad was diagnosed with narcissistic PD which is in the same cluster as BPD, and is supposedly genetically based to some degree.


For some, promiscuity to an excess beyond their sexual taste is another form of self harm, I believe. I'm speaking of having sex when you don't really want to for non-sexual reasons.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-15-2014, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,287,003 times
Reputation: 50370
Quote:
Originally Posted by raisins1234 View Post
and 3. the sex is great (which is common with women like this, I hear).
I have to say this really bugs me....you treat her like a fetish - you're plain vanilla by your own admission....so you wanted a bad girl because "you hear" they're commonly good in the sack. You could see her tattoos and all the rest that supposedly meant to you she'd be great in bed...then you hold it all against her like you were duped somehow?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-15-2014, 06:11 PM
 
1,324 posts, read 2,009,084 times
Reputation: 1075
Quote:
Originally Posted by raisins1234 View Post
She used to self harm and also got PTSD from a single incident in her late teens.

Self harm and PTSD are common in borderline folks. They get PTSD more easily.

Also, she has a history of early childhood abuse, which seems to trigger BPD in females especially.

I've thought she has borderline traits for months now.
then consider yourself warned.

there are articles online on how to break up with these BPD types, and their relationship challenges.

don't be a white knight trying to understand to hopefully save her. i've noticed your replies are more assessment type responses. be careful, the sex and gf companionship are not worth it.

she is a reckless flame with a history of trashing relationships and men she was previously involved with, and you are now dancing with her. good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-15-2014, 06:11 PM
 
2,776 posts, read 3,969,192 times
Reputation: 3049
To the OP - oh my fricken gawd the drama and personal nature of your post is among the worst I've ever seen! Yes it is as bad as you think... and clearly that's what makes your post so hard to read; it's painfully sad. The solution is simple - break up with this lady; move on now, just move on. She probably needs psychological help and you may want to seek some counseling yourself as there is so much negativity presented in your first post alone that you may want to figure out why so you can cease and desist (that much negativity will hurt you brother!).

I've been in similar situations and yet much deeper involved before I learned of things similar to what you've posted. You will not be able to heal her no matter how hard you try. The "great sex" you think you may have with such a crazy lady is not worth the damage she is doing to your psyche being with her, thinking of all this crap you brought up, worrying, etc. This is not typical and you are above this craziness.

Seriously, you're not married to this lady and don't have kids with her... you are just dating... that should mean its relatively simple for you to move on without massive drama. You will find someone else better, there are millions of other single women out there not likely to come with the baggage this one seems to have. God bless you sir, it will be ok.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:41 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top