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I wanted to get everyone's opinion and experience when it comes to their attraction towards someone.
I'm guilty, just like most, that I place a lot of emphasis on my physical attraction to someone and pick me who I find extremely attractive. I think that is also a result of the society we live in.
I hear a lot of stories from my guy friends about how they pursue women who are VERY attractive but the relationship ends up failing because they don't have any substance behind their looks.
Currently, I have exchanged quite a few emails with a guy I met on match. I am very skeptical of online dating since because 1. People put up the BEST photos of themselves and 2. I've encountered the creepiest of the creepy online.
We seem to have a lot in common. He is very successful in his career, which I admire, and he tends to be out of town a few days out of the week for work, which I like because it allows me to have time for myself or my friends, without feeling the pressure to spend all my time with my SO. We also have the same viewpoints on a lot of important things in life.
The small problem is, I wonder if I find him REALLY attractive (I know that sounds ridiculous).
For those of you who are in a relationship, or know people in a successful one, were you initially really attracted to your SO, or did you find that that was something that developed over time?
Attraction is as individual as the individuals who are attracted to each other. There is no one blanket statement because one I am really really attracted to initially may not work out because of other reasons. Then the next one may have been a slight attraction but is a long term relationship or marriage.
Have you met this guy yet? If you have not even met him yet why are you worrying with "what if"? You can't plan your life around "what if" I actually meet this guy and you can't force attraction when you see someone no matter how great they are on paper.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Yes, I've been initially attracted to all my SOs.
But I've never, ever been able to gauge if I'm attracted to someone before meeting them. A two dimensional image and a profile is not enough to gauge attraction. It is just enough to determine if I want to meet them or not.
You're putting the cart before the horse. Just meet and have fun.
One more thing, if/when you are in a relationship and you feel pressured to spend all of your free time with your boyfriend/husband you are with the wrong man.
I am with CSD. Who will look inside will get a better room who look just only out side will get a room but with a broken roof.
This is good.
Some guys I have been physically attracted to, or least thought they were good-looking. But then the personality isn't great, if not outright bad, so out the window any attraction goes. If all they have is looks, and I don't care for them as a person, and we have nothing in common, that won't work. lol
Then some guys I paid no attention to. I mean, I wasn't attracted or unattracted. But as the personality came out, and I saw more of them, they became very sexy. lol
Then, some guys I have outright thought were physically unattractive, but they had a personality, or personality traits I loved, and bam. They became sexier, and I even started to find them cute physically.
Guess I am using the wrong word. Sexual interested, and attraction have never been instant for me. It's something that had to develop over time, as I see more of them. Now how long varies.
So, basically, I may see a man, and think he's very good-looking. But sexual feelings and real attraction doesn't come if I don't know him, and chances are, won't know him. So, I notice, then go about my business. Just the way I, personally, am wired.
So, attraction can't be forced. You have to see who the person is, and get a feel of them. Sometimes, looks alone, or something that sounds good, may be totally different when you see it in action.
Some guys I have been physically attracted to, or least thought they were good-looking. But then the personality isn't great, if not outright bad, so out the window any attraction goes. If all they have is looks, and I don't care for them as a person, and we have nothing in common, that won't work. lol
Then some guys I paid no attention to. I mean, I was attracted or unattracted. But as the personality came out, and I saw more of them, they became very sexy. lol
Then, some guys I have outright thought were physically unattractive, but they had a personality, or personality traits I loved, and bam. They became sexier, and I even started to find them cute.
Guess I am using the wrong word. Sexual interested, and attraction have never been instant for me. It's something that had to develop over time, as I see more of them. Now how long varies.
So, basically, I may see a man, and think he's very good-looking. But sexual feelings and real attraction doesn't come if I don't know him, and chances are, won't know him. So, I notice, then go about my business. Just the way I, personally, am wired.
So, attraction can't be forced. You have to see who the person is, and get a feel of them. Sometimes, looks alone, or something that sounds good, may be totally different when you see it in action.
Me too... I mean, I can notice if a man is good looking, but attraction doesn't happen until I know him. I think that's part of why online dating never worked for me. Everyone is looking for something instant and it just takes me time to get to know a man and get to know if I am interested in him. Only after I am interested and then it develops into attraction do sexual feelings kick in... and that takes time.
And like you, someone whom I don't find physically good looking DOES become good looking over time if his personality is right for me. And someone whom I find good looking (if he has a horrible personality) ends up looking uglier to me.
It's really not that unusual though. The things women say they find most attractive in a man tend to be things that you need to figure out over time: What Makes A Man Attractive?
I look back to men that I've dated in the past and wonder "What was I thinking?!" as far as attraction. When the feelings disappeared, they really aren't THAT attractive to me anymore. I guess it was the connection we had at the time, rather than the physical attraction.
But there is also a man I dated that is very attractive, but I find him repulsive because of the way he treated me and just how he acts in general.
There are also guys that are in my circle of friends - one specifically that I thought was VERY attractive when I first met him. Well, after witnessing his relationship with his on and off again girlfriend and how he continues to stay with her when she repeatedly cheats, in addition to his constant diary postings on Facebook, I do not find him attractive AT ALL.
I was extremely attracted to my SO when we met. We were also extremely compatible in every way from values and character to interests and sex. Over time, both the attraction and compatibility have grown for us.
I suggest you find someone who is both very attractive to you and compatible in most other ways. They MUST also find you as attractive and compatible, or there will be a mismatch that will grow with time. Only time will prove whether the attraction and compatibility are sustainable, so I also suggest taking your time in making permanent relationship decisions.
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