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No need to really think about things to much, if you want to stay friends stay friends. If you want to end a relationship because someone cheated than do it or don´t if you don´t want to.
If somebody is not being satisfied and cheats just for sex, for me maybe not such a big deal, it´s just sex people rubbing body parts together because it feels good. A partner having an emotional relationship with someone else would bother me more but whatever, do what is right for you, there are no set rules.
I don't see how it's irrational to choose to end a relationship based on betrayal of trust by physical cheating. I specify physical because there's also emotional cheating, which I can agree is realistic to try to work through because certain lines aren't crossed. Having sex with someone without the knowledge of your partner can potentially put their health in danger if we're bringing up diseases. It also creates a possibility of pregnancy if the cheating was done recklessly. He/she is causing problems for their relationship partner that go beyond emotional distress and he/she is doing it after ample opportunity to stop and go, "Wait, I shouldn't be doing this right now."
Why is someone's behavior unrealistic or irrational if cheating is grounds for them to immediately terminate the relationship?
Meh....Not "irrational" per se, just less rational, IMO. Of all the problems couples can and do have to work through in relationships, it just seems very arbitrarily black-and-white to pick ONE problem (albeit a significant one) out of all of them as a culture to declare to be an automatic dealbreaker. Not everyone does, of course, but that seems to have become the mainstream default in the U.S. I'm just not sure it's very realistic given the imperfection that is humanity and human relationships. Europeans in general tend to be a little more realistic and a little less obsessed with romantic (and religious) myths than the U.S. when it comes to things like this.
That's on you. If you think you can do it without catching feelings when she's dating someone else (or vice versa), then I go for it I guess. I depends on whether you can properly detach from your romantic yearnings, and whether you can stay friends without getting so close your unusual bond gets in each other's way when it comes to moving on. Most people can't do it, but that does not mean you two are most people.
But do so knowing that if either one of you gets into a serious relationship down the line, your friendship will almost definitely have to end.
I can't do it with out catching feelings because I still am in love with her. This is the 1st time that I've ever been actually in love with someone.
I know that I look like a fool for even considering it, but I guess I am just hoping that she realized that she had someone good, that she messed up and that if we were friends we could try again later seeing as how we didn't have any other problems. I have friend who has been cheated on a few times by the same person, and they are together now and stronger than before. Maybe I had to go through that for a reason. I will probably never understand. I really don't know why bad things happen to good people. Makes me not want love anymore. At least for right now I just want to be alone. Thanks to everyone that replied it really helps me get clarity on this situation.
By wanting to remain friends, she wants to use you, if she finds it necessary. Unfortunately, this is much the way some women see men, people that they can use and call on when they have needs. Its completely one sided, is my guess.
I can't do it with out catching feelings because I still am in love with her. This is the 1st time that I've ever been actually in love with someone.
Then my humble opinion is that you need to nix this offer. Make a clean break and don't look back.
We've all been there with the hanging around hoping someone you love will change and realize what they have with you. Don't do it to yourself. Rip the bandaid off and move on.
I don't think you can be friends with someone you still have feelings for. You'll only hurt yourself by being around her always wanting more and watching her date other guys. I think it's possible you guys could be friends in the future when you're over her and you've dated other people. But to try to be friends with her as part of some grand plan to win her back later isn't a good plan. And also - she cheated on you! She broke your trust big time. Why would you want her back right now?
People overcome amazing obstacles sometimes and end up happy together. Sometimes people lose touch for awhile, they date others, and then one day the stars line up again and they find themselves together again. You never know what might happen. But, I think it's in your best interest to let her go for now.
My ex girlfriend would like to remain close friends even though she cheated on me. I was in love with her and wanted to get marry her. We had a connection that I've never had with anyone else I've been in a relationship with. The great thing about our relationship was that we were REALLY great friends and could do mostly everything together. Our sex life started out good and then it went downhill, we talked about it and we tried to work on it but it just got worst. She was more experienced and was frustrated with giving me direction, as was I with taking them. She ended up cheating on me. Well after I discovered I broke up with her, but she would like to remain friends. Plus we are kind of in the same circle of friends. Is this a yes or a no?
If you are not compatible, someone is bound to cheat. It's not just a sexual issue. There are many levels where people go without and these are the breeding grounds for infidelity. Yes, some people cheat because they can. Some cheat because their needs are not being met. We do not align ourselves with others to go without. But walking away is easier said than done if you truly care about someone.
You were not sexually compatible. You acknowledge that you both tried to make it work so, clearly, neither of you were willing to end it. She probably stayed longer than she should have, but she tried. The same goes for you. Still, she cheated. That doesn't necessarily make her a bad person. As distasteful as this sounds, her needs were not being met. I don't think leaving you first to meet the moral code and immediately hooking up with someone new would make her look or you feel any better.
If she is generally a good person, why not be friends? Give it some time, let the smoke clear and build on that. If you truly can't get past it, that's fine as well. You don't have to be her friend. Move on.
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