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Yes, OP, why don't you get right on that casual dating and doing hookups? What's stopping you?
It's been my experience that "other women" are usually what's stopping a man in this situation. "Just go out and start casually dating/hooking up" is great in theory, but in practice, it may not be a practical solution for a lot of men.
I want a girlfriend, but I don't want to hang out all the time. 2 nights a week would be plenty. I'd like to find a very motivated woman who spends a lot of time studying, working out, etc.
That's a good question. What I need right now is a woman to have sex with. I think every aspect of my life would improve if I had a friend with benefits. I don't care if she's 18 or 40.
Two Nights in a week? That's too often.
If you could agree to one night every two weeks, give me a call ... Lol
"Two Nights in a week? That's too often. "
If it was two nights every week it would seem like a routine after a while. For me, 2 or even 3 time a week might me be right and other times 2 or 3 times in a month would work.
Life experience does have a role (a never married 20-something has more time to date than say a 30-year-old divorced person with kids and a retired person has more time than both combined!)
But what I am talking about when you first meet someone. Of course you aren't invested in them yet... that's why you are only dating 1-2 times a week. Once you start to build that connection and those feelings, then you start seeing each other more and more over time... get closer and closer. And yes, I would fully expect, early on, when I first start dating someone that he probably is seeing someone else because it's just dating... not a committed relationship. That commitment of inter-twining your lives should come later (at least in my opinion) when you really know the person and get the feeling, "hey, this might work. I am going to date this person and no one else."
This is what I seem to run into: I go out with a man a few times and it's like so many of them want a microwave 60-second instant connection and deep commitment. I am sorry, I need time to get to know a man to know if I want to commit to him. And if a man is demanding I spend just about every scrap of free time I have with him... where does that leave time for my family, my friends, and even me? Sure, when you are in a committed, long term relationship, your mate is your priority. But again, this is about first meeting people and starting new relationships. To me it just feels too rushed and these guys seem desperate and lonely... like they don't have lives outside of dating. Doesn't he have family, friends, and things he wants to do for himself? It just doesn't feel healthy to me to have someone be so clingy that from the get go, they need to be out dating several times a week. Feels more like a hot and fast burning fling than the foundation of a relationship to me.
I read it as all the OP wanted was 1-2 days a week or every other week period. It wasn't going to grow to anything more anytime soon.
The OP essentially wants an FWB as was stated. I had a woman approach me about FWB situation about 2-3 months ago. Guess what happened? After having sex only 2-3 times, she found herself getting attached. She would get a little upset when I wanted just to stay in, watch a movie, hookup, and not go out and see live music. These FWB situations do work, but most still want the commitment in the end. Either they only wanted sex at first and it grew into something else for them, or they wanted a relationship all along and hoped by sleeping with me, I'd want more.
The only time I ever failed in an FWB was with an ex I wanted back in my life badly. She thought she could handle an FWB, but she couldn't either. It was too much red tape and history for us.
Last edited by weezerfan84; 11-24-2014 at 12:24 PM..
Plus, this (hypothetical) guy has NO responsibilities? At all? He has free time every single night of the week? That would just put us on different levels entirely. Neither is better or worse than the other, and neither is the higher or lower ground...but it would be a significant difference in our entire overall styles and lifestyles, IMO.
In the case of the guy I was dating, it wasn't quite every day of the week, but 3-4 times a week with calling every night and texting all day long. He worked, had a full time job and had two sons... but one son was in college and the other in the Army, so it wasn't like he was caring for them. He said he had a large house--I wonder if he ever cleaned it or did yard work (although I suppose he may have had enough money to pay someone to clean it and do the yardwork). Seemed like he always wanted to be out doing things.
I read it as all the OP wanted was 1-2 days a week or every other week period. It wasn't going to grow to anything more anytime soon.
The OP essentially wants an FWB as was stated. I had a woman approach me about FWB situation about 2-3 months ago. Guess what happened? After having sex only 2-3 times, she found herself getting attached. She would get a little upset when I wanted just to stay in, watch a movie, hookup, and not go out and see live music. These FWB situations do work, but most still want the commitment in the end. Either they only wanted sex at first and it grew into something else for them, or they wanted a relationship all along and hoped by sleeping with me, I'd want more.
The only time I ever failed in an FWB was with an ex I wanted back in my life badly. She thought she could handle an FWB, but she couldn't either. It was too much red tape and history for us.
I don't think a situation like that "has" to be a FWB situation. It only is if you make it. If he doesn't have the time to date a lot and he meets a woman like him who doesn't have the time... why can't they just date each other when they can and be committed to each other? FWB implies they are possibly having sex with other people and are looking for a serious relationship (and when either do, their dating ends). What's wrong with having a serious relationship/committed relationship where you don't happen to be attached at the hip? People do it all the time where they can't be around their SO several times a week (truckers date, fishermen date, military guys date, etc).
As for not growing into more... there are three outcomes. They both like it and it always stays as is (like he wants right now), it's not sustainable and they grow apart until they stop dating, or they find that they slowly want to spend more and more time together and start seeing each other more often. But whatever happens, happens. You don't have to have a plan and an agenda going into a relationship. Try things and see if they work.
I don't think a situation like that "has" to be a FWB situation. It only is if you make it. If he doesn't have the time to date a lot and he meets a woman like him who doesn't have the time... why can't they just date each other when they can and be committed to each other? FWB implies they are possibly having sex with other people and are looking for a serious relationship (and when either do, their dating ends). What's wrong with having a serious relationship/committed relationship where you don't happen to be attached at the hip? People do it all the time where they can't be around their SO several times a week (truckers date, fishermen date, military guys date, etc).
As for not growing into more... there are three outcomes. They both like it and it always stays as is (like he wants right now), it's not sustainable and they grow apart until they stop dating, or they find that they slowly want to spend more and more time together and start seeing each other more often. But whatever happens, happens. You don't have to have a plan and an agenda going into a relationship. Try things and see if they work.
You are talking like someone who hasn't really had FWB experience. In my experience, when I was asked if I was sleeping with other women, they hated to hear me say yes. If a woman likes a man enough to be somewhat emotional with him, the last thing she wants to do is share. Truth be told, I wouldn't want to share the woman I'm sleeping with either, but if I don't want the truth to a question, I better not ask it. Sometimes it's better to just play stupid.
I'm not saying attached at the hip. When I say 1-2 days a week or every other week isn't always having to be a planned out evening. It can be as much as working out together or grabbing lunch together. If I really like someone, I'm going to want to see them more than someone I don't like. If we both like each other, than naturally you should want to spend more time with them. I absolutely understand wanting a relationship to grow with someone, but how much time do you need it to grow? When you start talking about time to grow is when you start talking about those pesky ultimatums as well. Someone is sooner or later going to be like I need more time than this.
That's my point. When you know you really like someone more than other people you have met in your past, is it too hard to unwind your schedule, even a little bit? Even if you have only been seeing the person a week or a month, if you like them, live in the moment.
I had a meet up with a woman last night and she said the same thing. We connected on Saturday and met up last night. In the end, she felt that she enjoyed talking with me enough to "rush" meeting me in person. There was no point of her putting it off a week. She had nothing going on, so she was like let's meet ASAP. I agreed. She's a single parent and her ex-husband gets her daughter every weekend like clockwork. Heck, even if that wasn't the case, I think she would have slid in a lunch during the week with no hesitation.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to take things slow, but too slow can be dangerous as well. It's all about finding that person that fits your schedule.
WHAT the heck...after all this, all you want is a (blank)-buddy?
Honey, you better be bringing something to the table, and I am talking something physical. Are you super-hot? If so, then sure, some woman is going to want you just for your body and may be willing to keep that going.
If not, are you wealthy?
Don't rely on your charm, depth, love of history or other yadda-yadda that internally glows about you if what you're looking for is an F-buddy. It's only when you're looking for an actual relationship that those things (rightly so) come into play. Otherwise, your shallow motives will draw shallow results, but again, only if you are bringing something (equally shallow) to the table.
If not, there are always those channels on DirectTV that start in the 400s.
Oh well that does not help. I never date married men. I end up in relationships for years with men that do not want to marry me. Like 5 to 7 years. I want to be married the next time.
That was just an example of being "Unavailable" to fulfill one's needs. I don't want to belabor this.
Good luck.
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