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This a crush you're gonna act on unless you remove yourself totally from it. You're already laying the groundwork/justification by pointing out all the ways you're just not happy with your wife/girlfriend/whatever she is. Yet, you're still with her, despite being unhappy, so your unhappiness obviously hasn't reached critical enough mass to warrant breaking things off, and ceasing to access whatever it is you ARE getting out of it (from your posts, potential access to a financial safety net?) Figure out what you're gonna do about THIS situation, and quit looking to the crush as an escape/ way of avoiding addressing it.
I don't think that "address the issue of your unhappiness in your current relationship," is "morally unrealistic" in the least. It's called "manning up."
I know ... but I am astonished about how quick people “throw stones” at you regardless of the acknowledgement of your mistakes and ratification of acting according to moral standards.
I know ... but I am astonished about how quick people “throw stones” at you regardless of the acknowledgement of your mistakes and ratification of acting according to moral standards.
I guess it depends on your definition of "stones."
Thank you guys! It is indeed very stressful to have a crush while you are in a relationship. I respect all poster's answers but I feel in some cases some have unrealistic moral standards, or demonize the fact that sexual attraction cannot be controlled. It just happens, you never plan it. We may always feel attracted to more than one person but I think that what makes a difference is refraining from acting on a inappropriate crush due of its devastating consequences for all people involved.
OP I think some people have taken you to task on some actions that you DID do in response to your sexual attraction....
getting this woman's phone number to text her... talking to her about her personal life, in fact getting her the job that puts in even more in contact with this woman... all the while being married.
These aren't unrealistic moral standards... they are the "nip it in the bud Barney!" attitude that people do to avoid the situation you find yourself in.
The key is to avoid being in a situation where "now you have to make a choice..." If you don't put yourself on that pathway, you won't find yourself later scratching your head wondering "how did I get here?"
If you don't understand this... you will inevitably find yourself in this same position again.
OP I think some people have taken you to task on some actions that you DID do in response to your sexual attraction.... getting this woman's phone number to text her... talking to her about her personal life, in fact getting her the job that puts in even more in contact with this woman... all the while being married.
These aren't unrealistic moral standards... they are the "nip it in the bud Barney!" attitude that people do to avoid the situation you find yourself in.
The key is to avoid being in a situation where "now you have to make a choice..." If you don't put yourself on that pathway, you won't find yourself later scratching your head wondering "how did I get here?"
If you don't understand this... you will inevitably find yourself in this same position again.
I thought my crushed died during the summer vacation. I thought I was strong enough to not fall again, and it got worst because our conversations while working together went more in depth than our brief interactions in the gym. I also felt that she opened herself and had fun while talking to me. Maybe, realizing that we got along well was a surprise for her as well. I don't know! I wished we had very boring conversations, and lots of disagreements, but we didn't ... Here is when my crush came back again.
I have it clear, I won't mix her in my current life. I have nothing to offer. I need to tackle my relationship problems first. I don't even start any relationship with anybody if I break up. I may need time to detox, and not fall into rebounds. Even if I break up, the odds of finding her available and willing to retake our friendship in future are null. Sorry guys I am in mourning period.
I have had a crush that didn't materialize.... It is probably worst than a full fledge relationship that went awry... because at least with relationship you have realistic interactions... some good some bad that helps you put things in proper perspective.
A crush 90% fantasy... which means things will be idealized to be just the way you want them... perfect. That is not realistic and what you are mourning is the lost of your fantasy... not the potential relationship. Once you realize that you are mourning lost of your own fantasy, you will be on your way to happiness in the real world.
Your post reminded me of what needs to be done regarding setting boundaries regarding opposite sex friendships when you are either 1) in a committed relationship or 2) are married.
So I posted on another forum I belong to... What are some boundaries regarding opposite sex friendships when one member is either 1) in a committed relationship or 2) is married.
Here are some replies.
If you focus on your partner/husband and love your husband, your partner/husband is your focus and your partner's/husband's the one you love. There isn't a problem when you make sure your relationship is committed, renewably so. You'll know the answer if you and your partner/husband are secure in yourselves and trust each other.
If you are in a relationship, you just don't get too friendly with the opposite sex, don't be alone with them, don't touch for any reason. A person of the opposite sex does not need to know much about you personally, especially things that bother you.
I respect your opinion and suggestions snugglegirl, but it easy to say to others “don't do, don't feel” when everybody knows how powerful sexual attraction is. Attraction to other people isn't something that you can turn on or off at will. We are humans, not robots!
Nevertheless, I already decided that I am not going to act on this crush.
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... Here is when my crush came back again.
