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Are you coming on really strong in the beginning? You mentioned "slowing down on" the texts. Are you sending tons of them in the beginning? If so, considering you're dating younger than your age, you may just not be "getting" the culture entirely. To the girls, you may be coming across as very attentive and interested. That's the person they're becoming attached to. They think they've "finally" found a very attentive, communicative guy. That's just my guess.
Then when you just cut things off, yes, of course they're angry. They feel misled.
Again, could just be the age gap and lack of understanding of how this type of communication works. Your age group didn't really "grow up with" texting. Theirs did. That would be my first guess; just a feeling I got off your posts and your description.
If not, another possibility is that (and I'm not trying to be mean here) you are simply attracting, well, desperate women. They want to form an "instant" connection. Again (not saying this is definitely it), if you come on very strong in the beginning, you're much more likely to attract this type.
Barring those possibilities, I really don't know. Again, these are just thoughts that came to mind.
i am a 39 year old game developer. i have dated everything from 23-42 in the past few years; i take care of myself and look quite a bit younger; i don't drink and i don't discriminate by age
the oldest girl i ever dated was 25 going on 50... everybody is different.
Wait, confused...you say you've dated up to age 42...then in the second paragraph you say the oldest girl you ever dated was 25...???????
Wait, confused...you say you've dated up to age 42...then in the second paragraph you say the oldest girl you ever dated was 25...???????
yeah i meant like, in the poetic, literal sense. she was actually 25, but it felt like dating my aunt or something... she was a very old soul. i may be 39, but i've never been married, never had kids, but definitely been in love. i still have that optimism and curiosity; and the 25 year old acted like she had been jaded for 10 years lol...
i judge people's ages based on who is inside them, not how long they've been on the earth. seems a lot more accurate. the 42 year old i dated was an ex-rugby player and she was a blast. a shallow but mutually entertaining 7 months.
Are you coming on really strong in the beginning? You mentioned "slowing down on" the texts. Are you sending tons of them in the beginning? If so, considering you're dating younger than your age, you may just not be "getting" the culture entirely. To the girls, you may be coming across as very attentive and interested. That's the person they're becoming attached to. They think they've "finally" found a very attentive, communicative guy. That's just my guess.
Then when you just cut things off, yes, of course they're angry. They feel misled.
Again, could just be the age gap and lack of understanding of how this type of communication works. Your age group didn't really "grow up with" texting. Theirs did. That would be my first guess; just a feeling I got off your posts and your description.
If not, another possibility is that (and I'm not trying to be mean here) you are simply attracting, well, desperate women. They want to form an "instant" connection. Again (not saying this is definitely it), if you come on very strong in the beginning, you're much more likely to attract this type.
Barring those possibilities, I really don't know. Again, these are just thoughts that came to mind.
i don't think i come on any stronger than normal; and to be fair the middle girl of the last 3 i dated didn't really get pissed at all... she was very "country" as she put it and just had no interest whatsoever in anything high tech, current, sci-fi etc... which is my career lol. i told her we were just too different and she said np i kinda figured. but the before and after went semi-psycho and i talk about it here im realizing i'm definitely part of the problem- i see red flags but im so attracted at first i push through them and talk up her resume to myself (she went to berkley! she speaks german! etc etc).
this last girl was so insecure over text she talked herself out of our first date like 4 times; it was dinner and a haunted house and it was an absolute blast... but maybe i should have let her talk herself out of it. that's a red flag. it's true i didn't text in college but it definitely doesn't feel new- my field is all tech so i love the toys; texting is great because fire-and-forget messaging is ideal for a home office.
i don't think i come on any stronger than normal; and to be fair the middle girl of the last 3 i dated didn't really get pissed at all... she was very "country" as she put it and just had no interest whatsoever in anything high tech, current, sci-fi etc... which is my career lol. i told her we were just too different and she said np i kinda figured. but the before and after went semi-psycho and i talk about it here im realizing i'm definitely part of the problem- i see red flags but im so attracted at first i push through them and talk up her resume to myself (she went to berkley! she speaks german! etc etc).
this last girl was so insecure over text she talked herself out of our first date like 4 times; it was dinner and a haunted house and it was an absolute blast... but maybe i should have let her talk herself out of it. that's a red flag. it's true i didn't text in college but it definitely doesn't feel new- my field is all tech so i love the toys; texting is great because fire-and-forget messaging is ideal for a home office.
lol! This is a good realization to have. I think this is pretty common, to get excited about someone new and be into the interesting parts, and overlook the flags. Part of gaining experience is learning to pay attention to the red flags.
but you are correct in that there were some serious red flags i ignored on this last one... like a text before the second date where she said 1) are you religious, 2) do you want kids and how many and 3) are you republican or democrat. maybe she read somewhere it's a good idea to get that stuff out of the way first, when in fact it's like dating suicide. anyone who isn't scared off is just going to tell you what they think you want to hear.
Whoa. I've always understood that religion and politics are taboo topics on a first date (or even the first few). They certainly aren't topics I'd care to discuss when first getting to know someone...too much potential to be inflammatory.
I'm not surprised you like texting, even at 39. I'm 45, and even a few years ago when I was still dating, guys just loved to text. I just figured it's because it's so noncommittal. I always hated it as a form of getting-to-know-you conversation -- much too limiting, with too much potential to go wrong.
I've dated a lot online over the past few years and I've semi-learned how to spot the clingy/emotionally unstable types before you go on a date. First you can't use tinder b/c there is almost no info about them other than pictures. Not to mention if you want a relationship, tinder really isn't a good site. I would go with match. Make sure they have a social life (ie not a bunch of selfies) instead look for pictures out w/ friends, hobbies, etc. That at least tells you they're socially adjusted and living a life of interest. Then when you start talking to them, I would make sure they aren't bombarding you w/ messages and getting way too into you upfront. After a while you can sniff out who's desperate and who's not, before you ever exchange numbers or go on a date. Good luck, it's not easy.
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