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First of all - she is who she is. You don't like who she is. So just break up with her instead of telling her how much you don't like who she is.
This! I'm starting to think the OP likes being in a position to feel superior, and recite her flaws to her, "helping" her to "improve". I think his ego's getting a kick out of this. Like training a circus animal he gets to show off.
She might be unbearable but you're no walk in the park either. She wanted to tell you something on the phone and you brushed her off, claiming you didn't have time to talk, but then proceeded to spend that time, you didn't have, telling her off and calling her childish and created the impression to her that she doesn't matter.
Why not just break up with her?
I am not claiming I'm not. She stayed with me that night and she knew I did not get any sleep. I literally did not and went to work so I did not sleep for close to 30 hours. I just told her to come home later and ended it briefly.
I talked to her later about this when she was at my place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Is this the one you have been off-and-on with all year and who you cheated on in July?
Why on earth are the two of you still together? Is it the sex? It must be horrible to lack such control over your own libido.
Nah I never cheated on her. Yes same girl. Also no it's not the sex.
Dude, anyone can see it's not working out. Trying to rearrange her personality isn't an option. She is who she is, take her or leave her. I recommend the latter, instead of dragging this out, torturing yourself and her.
What are her redeeming features, btw? Why are you even with her? Why did you wade in to this extent, knowing she was whiny and spoiled? You said you'd been dating her, then you both got more serious. Wasn't that a weird choice to make, in view of your opinion of her immaturity? Seriously, dude, what were you thinking?
Anyway, it's time to bail.
Yes it was weird. Maybe because I felt like I owe her something. Really I won't say that I am 'lonely'.
Her good parts she has helped me feel more at home and realize I have people that care for me since moving. She is sweet and hard working. I do feel we have a connection.
She does have a huge only child syndrome I'm starting to notice more I allow myself around her and spend more time. Perhaps I should have been more cognizant of that prior. That is starting to be more of glaring issue me with her.
Also I've noticed that when I explain this to her she takes it as extremely personal when I am trying to be constructive. I've been told by other people things I need to work on or be aware of but I don't always take them as hyper critical.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster
Wait, what? There's a backstory here? So she's hot, is that it? I was gonna post that, but I held back. That's always at the bottom of these situations, though.
There's other girls that pursue me and are attracted to me. She isn't the only available option heh.
Perhaps I made my judgement in haste and maybe should have distanced myself earlier. I'm no expert in this haha.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
This! I'm starting to think the OP likes being in a position to feel superior, and recite her flaws to her, "helping" her to "improve". I think his ego's getting a kick out of this. Like training a circus animal he gets to show off.
Meh it's not that. I may come off as a know it all but I really don't lol. I need advice and guidance like anyone else.
Also I've noticed that when I explain this to her she takes it as extremely personal when I am trying to be constructive. I've been told by other people things I need to work on or be aware of but I don't always take them as hyper critical.
That's the worst kind of criticism "I'm just being honest, I'm only trying to help, don't take it so personally". Instead of trying to correct her to your standards, let her go and be who she is and find someone you don't have a desire to fix and correct.
That's the worst kind of criticism "I'm just being honest, I'm only trying to help, don't take it so personally". Instead of trying to correct her to your standards, let her go and be who she is and find someone you don't have a desire to fix and correct.
That's the worst kind of criticism "I'm just being honest, I'm only trying to help, don't take it so personally". Instead of trying to correct her to your standards, let her go and be who she is and find someone you don't have a desire to fix and correct.
Exactly. If I had someone that told me that all these things that were wrong with me - I'd wonder why they were even with me!
OK, what I get from your recent post, OP, is that she had some attractive qualities and things seemed promising. Then as you got more involved, you're seeing other sides of her personality that aren't working for you. We can't foresee everything in a relationship, it's often a process of personalities unfolding in stages. So now that you're getting to know her better, you're learning you two may not be compatible after all, so you have a decision to make.
Well, this is going to be a messy breakup, but I don't see any way around it. I don't remember the whole history that zentropa's referring to, but if there were breaks from the relationship, maybe she'll agree in the final analysis that it just isn't in the cards, it hasn't been working out.
OK, what I get from your recent post, OP, is that she had some attractive qualities and things seemed promising. Then as you got more involved, you're seeing other sides of her personality that aren't working for you. We can't foresee everything in a relationship, it's often a process of personalities unfolding in stages. So now that you're getting to know her better, you're learning you two may not be compatible after all, so you have a decision to make.
Well, this is going to be a messy breakup, but I don't see any way around it. I don't remember the whole history that zentropa's referring to, but if there were breaks from the relationship, maybe she'll agree in the final analysis that it just isn't in the cards, it hasn't been working out.
She has helped me out in many ways, yes. I also realize no one is perfect. I'm not. I wasn't in a relationship in a while since I broke up with my ex last year and of course I pushed people away, etc. I do think she has some good qualities and I took a chance to see if we could be happy.
Much of the on/off stuff was a good bit my fault because I strongly resisted bringing someone in my life for so long and I heavily guarded myself. This resulted in pain on both ends. I didn't cheat on her, she didn't with me. We did have two breaks over the course of this year and none that lasted long obviously. She went on dates, I went on dates and we still could not spend a day without talking to one another. I would say that she has always been strongly attracted to me.
But yes I know now but I do appreciate feedback and input.
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