Why does it seem there are more men with no dating experience compared to women? (cities, straight)
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As their friend, they are comfortable telling me these things. Several of these people I've known since I was in school.
In my experience, virgins are incredibly obvious. The way pop culture portrays sex varies enough from reality that if someone talks about sex in a way that seems mostly informed by pop culture (or porn), I'm pretty confident that they have never had sex.
I live in a major US city. I think it depends on how you define success. If going on a bunch of meaningless first dates that fizzle out after one date is the definition of success, then yes; I am successful. That's not how I define success though, particularly when my goal is to land a LTR.
What do you think dating is, though? People go on dates to find out if they click. Even if it doesn't work out it's not meaningless, it's the process. It's how you find the person who's right for you. There's a reason people say, "you have to kiss a lot of frogs..." And it's not even that you have to kiss them, but you do have to have a beer with them or walk around the winter fair or whatever. You can't jump from strangers into LTR (unless you belong to one of those religions.)
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 12-05-2014 at 01:48 PM..
What do you think dating is, though? People go on dates to find out if they click. Even if it doesn't work out it's not meaningless, it's the process. It's how you find the person who's right for you. There's a reason people say, "you have to kiss a lot of frogs..."
Let's just say that I don't like kissing frogs. Additionally, as a guy, I'm generally paying for a lot of these dates that end up flaking or disappearing on me after one date. It's one thing if I'm taking away something from these dates, as in it being a learning experience for me. But these were otherwise seemingly good dates where the woman fades on me after the first date. All it does is leaves me scratching my head and a little poorer.
Let's just say that I don't like kissing frogs. Additionally, as a guy, I'm generally paying for a lot of these dates that end up flaking or disappearing on me after one date. It's one thing if I'm getting taking away something from these dates, as in it being a learning experience for me. But these were otherwise seemingly good dates where the woman fades on me after the first date. All it does is leaves me scratching my head and a little poorer.
Remember that first date I had with the girl I really like? Four beers. $30. Next date will be ice skating if I get my way Probably less than $20.
Are you taking these women for expensive dinners on the first date? Don't do that. It puts WAY too much pressure on them, I bet one reason they're flaking out is because they don't want to go to multiple expensive dinners and then feel like they're under even more pressure.
The first date should be a quick introduction, some drinks, laugh about the day or something in the news, and decide if you want to do it again. 1-2 hours. You want her to walk away thinking 'wow, that guy's pretty cool, easy to hang out with' not 'holy ****, he wants to know how many kids I'm going to give him'.
Dating shouldn't exceed your budget for it. There are plenty of ways to romance a girl without spending a lot of money.
After having been single for over 18 years, dating at least 100 or more guys, and kissing a lot of frogs, it was all worth it once my husband entered my orbit. Without having kissed all of those frogs, I may not have fully appreciated what a rare and wonderful man he is. No other man can hold a candle to him.
Now that we have found each other, I am not letting him go. I absolutely adore my husband and would do anything for him. I certainly put a lot more effort into my marriage than I ever did any of my previous relationships. He is a god-send and I will never take him for granted. Never.
Remember that first date I had with the girl I really like? Four beers. $30. Next date will be ice skating if I get my way Probably less than $20.
Are you taking these women for expensive dinners on the first date? Don't do that. It puts WAY too much pressure on them, I bet one reason they're flaking out is because they don't want to go to multiple expensive dinners and then feel like they're under even more pressure.
The first date should be a quick introduction, some drinks, laugh about the day or something in the news, and decide if you want to do it again. 1-2 hours. You want her to walk away thinking 'wow, that guy's pretty cool, easy to hang out with' not 'holy ****, he wants to know how many kids I'm going to give him'.
$30 for one girl, $30 for another. That crap adds up pretty quickly and it sucks even more when you're not gaining any traction with one particular girl. That's why I get a little frustrated when I never hear from a woman again or they just don't respond to me after the first date. Especially when the date seemingly went well.
I've only made the mistake of an expensive first date once, but it was unintentional. It was a casual pizza place, so nothing too fancy. But after a couple glasses of wine (each) an appetizer, and the pizza, the bill came to an astounding $90 . Of course, I offered to pay since I asked her out. But I felt like a fool.
And no, I never bring up marriage or kids during a first date. It's just casual conversation. And every date has gone well as far as I could tell. So there's no telling what it was that turned some of them off from me. Hence the frustration!
I don't know. I live in married-usually-by-21-but-no-later-than-25 World, so most women aren't really complaining about finding men here. The couple that are, are making Facebook posts about it, and complaining non-stop about all the bad men of the World.
I have many single guy friends, but no one talks about it, like ever.It's not like there are many places to actually go and meet women around here, either, unless you're the type who loves bars, then you're basically in heaven because there's one at almost every corner.
I've complained plenty on this site, which is basically the only place I've had to vent. Can't really talk to my dad about it, he already knows I'm not going to find anyone anyway, even if I kept trying. Many of my friends are in the same boat, and they've complained worse than I have, and have some really bizarre opinions.
So, instead of getting upset or angry or whatever, I just deal with it. I've stopped posting here because of that.
$30 for a date is not a lot of money. Heck, where I live, that's nothing. Regardless, if it's too much, then you need to find other things to do.
And no matter what, if you're not one of those rare people who marries his high school sweetheart, you'll have to kiss some frogs, as you say. That's just how dating is. And even if you get into a relationship, that is no guarantee it will lead to marriage. That's just how relationships are. It's all a process. If you want to get to your destination, you will have to take a journey, and that journey may have bumps and detours, so you might as well try to enjoy it.
$30 for a date is not a lot of money. Heck, where I live, that's nothing. Regardless, if it's too much, then you need to find other things to do.
And no matter what, if you're not one of those rare people who marries his high school sweetheart, you'll have to kiss some frogs, as you say. That's just how dating is. And even if you get into a relationship, that is no guarantee it will lead to marriage. That's just how relationships are. It's all a process. If you want to get to your destination, you will have to take a journey, and that journey may have bumps and detours, so you might as well try to enjoy it.
if its not a lot of money why don't we see women taking initiative to ask men out or pay ? The answer better not be its the mans job at first both of you have eqaul playing field seeing as you both have never met. I know this from countless threads of women turning their nose up at the thought of men asking to go dutch on the first date.
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