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Women have their gf's to talk to, and there's no stigma for women who have never dated. Men can't bring this up with other men. Their only recourse is the internet, where they're anonymous so it's non-embarrassing.
This. Guys tend to take pride in the number of girls they've had sex with. Even guys who are nice will still think you're a bit weird for not having had sex yet. I can't even imagine talking to other men about this the way a woman would.
Women keep saying that. and yes that can become true overtime as women gain experience.
but in the short to intermediate term women select the man with visible attributes over the man with hidden attributes with more frequency.
how else could you explain athletes in high schools, colleges do so much better than other students.
and how could you explain students with top grades not being the most successful in terms of dating in an Academic setting.
It is simple rules of probability.
Overtime money (better education) comes to the rescue of those with less physical attributes to find a mate. but it still does not mean they have the same frequency of success as those with visible attributes.
All this sounds like is that you read a lot of sad-sack dude blogs. In the real world, very few women are groupies who go after jocks and celebrities. Go to a mall or a restaurant this weekend and look at actual, real-life couples. All kinds of people get together, and it's not because they're settling. They actually (gasp!) dig each other.
All this sounds like is that you read a lot of sad-sack dude blogs. In the real world, very few women are groupies who go after jocks and celebrities. Go to a mall or a restaurant this weekend and look at actual, real-life couples. All kinds of people get together, and it's not because they're settling. They actually (gasp!) dig each other.
The issue is you did not read what I wrote closely.
Yes majority of guys eventually get a mate. but for so many of them go mateless for so long because some small percentage of men get more.
I disagree with the whole social network and stigma thing. At every point in my life, I've had both male and female friends that I've been freely able to talk about relationship issues with. The only thing that I could see possibly being an issue is the virginity thing. I did not experience being a virgin in the adult world. However, if one of my guy friends came up to me and talked about this, I would not ridicule them. I would help them get laid (if that's what they want).
This was never my experience. I'm overweight but not ugly and not morbidly obese or anything. I was always able to shop at whatever store was trendy when I was in high school/college/now. I'm not even shy. That said, I was never once asked out by someone in person. It's never happened (and never will now that I'm married). I hate the assumption that if you're female you will be asked out; it's not true for all of us. I would have probably gone out with anyone, especially when I was younger. No one ever asked though.
I have a friend that is much like you were. She is overweight, but certainly not ugly, and not obese. She has sent me many text messages freaking out about how guys never ask her out and she has no confidence in her appearance, it would shock people here. She also has a great personality.
The assumption that almost all women have access to sex is part of the bizarre "hypergamy" relationship sub-culture that's evolved on the internet over the last few years.
What worse is that women are far more stigmatized for seeking men than vice versa. I met a woman a few years ago that clearly wante me to ask her out, but I wasn't interested. She got the hint, and backed off. Later I was hanging out with some friends and they started joking about how she's always "on the prowl" for men (she wasn't there). I felt really bad for her and thought it was totally unfair. I wish I had stood up for her, but I didn't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nikitakolata
I haven't found the bold to be true. Looks matter, of course, but they matter more to men than to women generally. I cared more about a sense of humor, employment and kindness than appearance. Most of the women I know feel the same.
I personally find that looks, sense of humor, personality, confidence, etc. all seem to feed each other. If I feel attractive, I'm going to dress better, be more outgoing, etc.
So what you're saying might be true, but I think it's still very important for both men and women to feel confident in their appearance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Women have their gf's to talk to, and there's no stigma for women who have never dated. Men can't bring this up with other men. Their only recourse is the internet, where they're anonymous so it's non-embarrassing.
I don't know if I agree with this. I think there is more stigma for men, but I think that "spinsters" etc. are also stigmatized.
While I'm sure there is some complex psychological answer to this...I think it comes down to one word.
Boobs. Guys don't have them. Even if they rock a fine set of moobs, It's entirely possible that it's not really their ideal fantasy and so they have to ask out women.
It's generally considered rude to just ask women if you can touch their breasts, so generally it is a coded message. "I would like to take you out for dinner....(to get the chance to fondle your breasts like radio dials). Women gain experience while men young men go through this stage. Eventually, men start seeking more than a couple mammaries...and dating slows for women.
I do know a few women, 28-39 who are virgins, never had a date. Their validity as humans don't depend on changing this and they often recognize that they've never been heartbroken like the rest of us have.
Finally my point is proven!!!!! By a woman too! This is why men have it harder in dating. We can't ask a woman out. If we do, its piggish. When I ask a girl out, it is with every intention to simply take her out and have a good time to see if we vibe. Sex isn't even on the mind. So tell me Jenna1343, how did your bf/husband " ask you out"? I'm just curious.
Finally my point is proven!!!!! By a woman too! This is why men have it harder in dating. We can't ask a woman out. If we do, its piggish. When I ask a girl out, it is with every intention to simply take her out and have a good time to see if we vibe. Sex isn't even on the mind. So tell me Jenna1343, how did your bf/husband " ask you out"? I'm just curious.
I think her point is a little eccentric and far-fetched if you ask me. I don't think most women subscribe to that viewpoint.
I think her point is a little eccentric and far-fetched if you ask me. I don't think most women subscribe to that viewpoint.
Yea I don't think most women do either(I hope not). If her point were true, there would be no such thing as a relationship. She went to the extreme a little....
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