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Most of you have read my situations and given me advice, that I really want to try and take. However, I need to know if it's possible to move backwards.
I got way too close to this guy way too quickly. I only really fell because he fell for me first, but that's not the point. He knows I like him, very much. As those who know who have read my previous posts, we are not in a relationship even though he's told me he wishes we could be.
The problem is, I love spending the nights with him and when we kiss and cuddle and are intimate, but in between I don't get the "thinking about you" or the "i miss you" text messages. He's adding girls on fb [even though most of them are mutual friends with his friends], but I see them and think how much prettier they are than me and how he could probably have them in a second if he wanted to.
This is probably not possible, but how can I go backwards? Not necessarily not be into him, but not care when I don't get those text messages. Not get insecure when I see those girls. Maybe even learn how to trust again. He hasn't done anything to make me think I can't trust him, but I have issues due to a past relationship. He told me I have nothing to worry about, but he doesn't really help support that. Is there anyway I can just back off? Maybe find out if he truly does care or is scared to loose me?
Our base human ability to deal with whatever we face each day comes from confidence within. I struggle with this constantly, having the ability to know I am a good person and to make decisions and act based on my inner confidence without worrying if I might in some indirect way harm someone else.
I feel if you act honest with yourself and accept the fact that you have no idea where the chips may fall tomorrow, that confidence will allow you to push through whatever life tosses at you.
Our base human ability to deal with whatever we face each day comes from confidence within. I struggle with this constantly, having the ability to know I am a good person and to make decisions and act based on my inner confidence without worrying if I might in some indirect way harm someone else.
I feel if you act honest with yourself and accept the fact that you have no idea where the chips may fall tomorrow, that confidence will allow you to push through whatever life tosses at you.
Text messages are just a tool.
Great response. It's too bad my biggest life fear includes the fear of the unknown and the "what ifs"...both of which are a huge part of this situation. I do think my confidence could use some work! lol
Great response. It's too bad my biggest life fear includes the fear of the unknown and the "what ifs"...both of which are a huge part of this situation. I do think my confidence could use some work! lol
Fear is in my estimation one of the biggest self inflicted wounds we carry with us. It holds us back from moving. We knock ourselves down because of it. The world throws enough crap at us each day to knock us down. Why do we let fear cause us to do the same things to ourselves?
This is probably not what you want to hear, but I call BS on he wishes you could be in a relationship. He doesn't. If someone wants to be in a relationship with you, then they are. A guy who misses you and is crazy for you wants to be in a relationship with you. He doesn't want some other guy coming along stealing you away. As women, we make all kinds of excuses for why a guy isn't giving us what we want and how we can try to be okay with settling for scraps. He's just really busy with work, he got hurt in the past, whatever... the busiest guy in the world WILL commit and make time for you if he really cares about you. Guys are different from us. They can cuddle you all night long, and not have it mean anything significant. I'm not saying that hating on men. Their brains and emotions are just wired differently than ours.
I'm not saying this to be mean to you. I'm not judging you either. There is a guy I've been struggling to get over as well making those excuses for him and hoping he will change and be what I want. It's so hard to accept someone we care for and want doesn't care and want us back.
This is probably not what you want to hear, but I call BS on he wishes you could be in a relationship. He doesn't. If someone wants to be in a relationship with you, then they are. A guy who misses you and is crazy for you wants to be in a relationship with you. He doesn't want some other guy coming along stealing you away. As women, we make all kinds of excuses for why a guy isn't giving us what we want and how we can try to be okay with settling for scraps. He's just really busy with work, he got hurt in the past, whatever... the busiest guy in the world WILL commit and make time for you if he really cares about you. Guys are different from us. They can cuddle you all night long, and not have it mean anything significant. I'm not saying that hating on men. Their brains and emotions are just wired differently than ours.
I'm not saying this to be mean to you. I'm not judging you either. There is a guy I've been struggling to get over as well making those excuses for him and hoping he will change and be what I want. It's so hard to accept someone we care for and want doesn't care and want us back.
Love and/or like doesn't conquer all. Even if two people get along very well, there's always the potential for something else more prominent that takes precedence. Not having a place to live, a car to drive, or a job to work are some of those things. It's why dating becomes harder as we age. We're no longer building our lives around someone, we are building our lives with ourselves as the main focus. If you've spent any significant time single in your late 20s and beyond, the desire to accommodate someone else is difficult. It can obviously be done, but less and less people get chances.
Most of you have read my situations and given me advice, that I really want to try and take. However, I need to know if it's possible to move backwards.
I got way too close to this guy way too quickly. I only really fell because he fell for me first, but that's not the point. He knows I like him, very much. As those who know who have read my previous posts, we are not in a relationship even though he's told me he wishes we could be.
The problem is, I love spending the nights with him and when we kiss and cuddle and are intimate, but in between I don't get the "thinking about you" or the "i miss you" text messages. He's adding girls on fb [even though most of them are mutual friends with his friends], but I see them and think how much prettier they are than me and how he could probably have them in a second if he wanted to.
This is probably not possible, but how can I go backwards? Not necessarily not be into him, but not care when I don't get those text messages. Not get insecure when I see those girls. Maybe even learn how to trust again. He hasn't done anything to make me think I can't trust him, but I have issues due to a past relationship. He told me I have nothing to worry about, but he doesn't really help support that. Is there anyway I can just back off? Maybe find out if he truly does care or is scared to loose me?
It doesn't sound like you're ready for a relationship if you're carting around baggage from a previous one and expecting a guy, that you're not in a relationship with, to do things to prove to you that you shouldn't be insecure. That burden falls on you.
And I don't understand the nature of your relationship that you are intimate yet not in a relationship, and why does he say he wishes you could be...but yet you're not.
This is probably not what you want to hear, but I call BS on he wishes you could be in a relationship. He doesn't. If someone wants to be in a relationship with you, then they are. A guy who misses you and is crazy for you wants to be in a relationship with you. He doesn't want some other guy coming along stealing you away. As women, we make all kinds of excuses for why a guy isn't giving us what we want and how we can try to be okay with settling for scraps. He's just really busy with work, he got hurt in the past, whatever... the busiest guy in the world WILL commit and make time for you if he really cares about you. Guys are different from us. They can cuddle you all night long, and not have it mean anything significant. I'm not saying that hating on men. Their brains and emotions are just wired differently than ours.
I'm not saying this to be mean to you. I'm not judging you either. There is a guy I've been struggling to get over as well making those excuses for him and hoping he will change and be what I want. It's so hard to accept someone we care for and want doesn't care and want us back.
I have to admit that I find this to be true. I used to tell women that I was too busy to have a traditional relationship. For years, I lived by the "I have too work my business and have no time" excuse. Most relationships would last a few months, until the woman would start to act "clingy" demanding more time, and I'd break it off. One day, I met someone, who over a few months became special. I soon began to spend more time with her. It was my company, I would still make money even when I am not there...lol...attitudes changed, and I was always available, to go on trips etc....In my case, it wasn't because I was hurt in the past, and I used work as a barrier. I was in a casual phase, with no intentions of getting serious with anyone. Once I found someone to be serious with, I became serious. It took awhile though, to find one who caught my attention in that way.
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