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I like what everyone is saying here. Yep. You can start over. I started over at 38.
And after a LTR that lasted as long as my relationship with my ex-hub, I started over at 47.
Now about this...
Quote:
Originally Posted by konaine
Since the divorce people have been pretty cruel saying i made a mistake and let a good man go and i'll be alone and will never be able to find anybody. I just listen and pretend to ignore where these things really are bringing me down and i am deeply worried about whether what these people are saying will happen.
"Okay, if you think he's so great, you marry him and live with him day in and day out and get back to me. Now, thanks for your concern, but when I want your opinion on this, I'll ask for it, and if you don't have something constructive and supportive to say, I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything at all."
Oh, they may get huffy and say something like, "Why are you so defensive?"
In which case you say, "You were not in my marriage. It is not your place to say and your comments are not helpful or productive. End of discussion."
Then change the subject. And don't discuss your divorce with those particular people again. Indeed, I would be distancing myself from them now, and instead spending time with people who are a little less boorish and a little more compassionate.
when you are in situation like this you can open your eyes about people who you in touch. I got a divorce 5 years ago. I spend a 8 years non taste miserable marriage. I was married very young too. I got my divorce when I was 31. I am still single but very happy and healthy. What my father always said about people who tried to drag me down, " come for a coffee is something else than living with a man 24/7 and 365 days" you know what is the best for you. So don't worry about what others says. If he was a good man you won't let him go don't you. All the best !! What ever happens keep your head cool.
He is a good man or at least he was never bad to me. I ended the marriage because i mistook our friendship for more and it wasn't more and almost immediately i knew that we wouldn't get more out of it. So rather then spending more years in an unhappy relationship i figured it would be better to end it rather then realizing that after a couple of years when it may be too late.
He is a good man or at least he was never bad to me. I ended the marriage because i mistook our friendship for more and it wasn't more and almost immediately i knew that we wouldn't get more out of it. So rather then spending more years in an unhappy relationship i figured it would be better to end it rather then realizing that after a couple of years when it may be too late.
That is exactly how my marriage went. Lasted about as long, too. We were friends who should have stayed friends. We had the usual problems that challenge a marriage, but when it turned out that he really did want kids after all (yeah, he flipped the script on that), there was no point in trying to work them out. The divorce was actually an act of friendship--us freeing each other to go find what would really make us happy.
With the exception of unproductive commentary from people who should just keep their yaps shut, you're in as good a place as anyone could be for this.
I'm trying to remember a time when I though of 30 as "old." No luck.
I would say I "started over" at 41, though I was never married. I quit my job, moved to a new city, started a new job, met new people, and met the man I am about to marry (at age 45).
You're correcting a big mistake -- marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons -- and you should feel good about that. Any friends who take issue with that were never real friends to begin with. A new job in a new city sounds perfect. Enjoy, don't worry about your age, and have a great life!
If your marriage made you miserable, staying wouldn't be a very healthy option.....I tell people that I can get my ex's phone number for them, when they tell me I made a mistake.....really, no one can understand what you lived with, when they are looking from the outside, it's pretty ignorant when family say those things to you....
As for your age, you have a lot of time to worry about finding someone new, just enjoy life, I'm sure there are plenty you put on hold, when you got married.
You are entering the prime of your life, and it is the absolute perfect time for you to start over and discover yourself. NY is an incredible city as is London I'm sure. You're going to do great!
This. OP, there are a lot of people who don't even begin dating until close to 30, when they've finished their higher education and got settled into a career. 30 is the perfect time. Enjoy your new life in NYC!
And never let other people's expectations dictate your choices. Do what's right for you. You're the one who has to live with the consequences, not all those other people.
The dating market for a woman who is 30 in NYC is huge. You'll be fine as long as you don't hold yourself back with some emotional baggage from the past.
I hear that your 30s are a great time for dating and building relationships. People are typically in a far better position, personally and professionally.
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