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Old 01-04-2008, 04:17 PM
 
25 posts, read 30,822 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by girleylips View Post
....is he just recovering from a break up or something?
He keeps saying that everyone he cares about leaves him, his male friends and women.

He recently lost two good close friends, they went away. He told me all of this before he and I met up a few months ago. He shared this over the phone.

He is different and I could easily see how the people around him could not appreciate him.
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Old 01-04-2008, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Temporary on Earth for a little while
320 posts, read 632,259 times
Reputation: 174
i understand he might be having trust issues or something like that because he got screwed over by so many girls or something. but like i said, i think he is testing the waters with you right now. IF you really like him....have some more patience. Show him who you really are . Show him how kind and loving you are Hopefully he will see what a blessing you are to him before its too late. It sucks that its always the next girl that has to pay for what the previous girl did.....show him that you are different and that you actually care about him give him the assurance that you like him alot and are willing to be patient. Don't rush him
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Old 01-04-2008, 04:21 PM
 
25 posts, read 30,822 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
This guy doesn't sound like good soulmate material for you. Either he is a head case, in which case he needs some professional counseling and it's nothing that you can fix. Or he is playing mind games with you. Playing the sympathy card, controlling you and keeping you emotionally unbalanced. Be careful of your heart. Have you met any of his friends or family yet?
His friends but not family. I think its early to meet his family.
This forum is good therapy cause You guys are getting me to think more deeply. You answer rings true. He could be a nice person but with some deep seated problems that I dont know off. Maybe he does need therapy.

I have asked him if he has ever lost his mind before cause I felt something a wee bit strange but hey...dunno!

I do love him alot and that makes it hard but I know that my feelings are being tested heavily at this moment.

girlylips, I am thinking of maybe going back to being just friends. Maybe then he can have sometime to really see me for who I am and not just someone on the phone.
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Old 01-04-2008, 04:21 PM
 
Location: California
9,644 posts, read 10,676,287 times
Reputation: 10800
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gia88 View Post
Why dump him?

what if he really has issues and needs some patience? What if he is insecure and needs some proof that i do like him.

I use to date a much older man who would dump me and make up with me in a matter of days. After the 3x I cut him off for good. Months later he came back crying and he said that when he had cut me off he wanted to see if I would come back to him or if I did not care.

He had been cheated on by his previous girlfriends. All 3 of the last women had cheated on him and dumped him.

The thing is, he and I were more compatable for each other than the other women were with him. He based all his self worth on those other women who were not good for him.

in the end I could not go back to him because my feelings had changed alot and I no longer wanted to go back. He cried alot but he also learned that was was worthy and that if I could love him so could another woman. THE RIGHT ONE!

After only two dates and the game playing is already going on why waste time with him? Why take on a headache and have to deal with a problem child right off the starting line? Unless a person likes dealing with up and down emotions then I say stop now.
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Old 01-04-2008, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Temporary on Earth for a little while
320 posts, read 632,259 times
Reputation: 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gia88 View Post
He keeps saying that everyone he cares about leaves him, his male friends and women.

He recently lost two good close friends, they went away. He told me all of this before he and I met up a few months ago. He shared this over the phone.

He is different and I could easily see how the people around him could not appreciate him.


then you start appreciating him more and show him that you are not just another girl....and i know you are trying your best to do that right now....do you know why his friends don't appreciate him? and are leaving him? is it because he is in this " i don't care mode" ?
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Old 01-04-2008, 04:24 PM
 
Location: the show-me state
672 posts, read 1,499,320 times
Reputation: 742
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gia88 View Post
you are on target. I am afraid that I will loose interest in him. The more hurt I feel the more angry and distant that I can get. That worries me because I know if my feelings change then we are over.

I've been reading your posts and replies, and there are still so many unknown things, that its hard to make a judgement about all this. How far away from you does he live? Is he employed full time? If yes, is he a night time worker? Does he have to work weekends? Do you work fulltime? Do yours and his schedules conflict with each others? You did mention social class or financial backgrounds being different. What type of car does he own, as compared to yours? Could he feel that he is out-classed in this situation? I really dont mean to sound like an interrogation officer or anything, but I do feel that all this information is important. I will check back on this thread later, before I decide what I think about all this.
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Old 01-04-2008, 04:25 PM
 
Location: Temporary on Earth for a little while
320 posts, read 632,259 times
Reputation: 174
i personally HATE playing the game, but this guy likes it ....he likes the chase...but i think when you get to a certain age....hopefully it stops. i wish he can be more forward with you and open about the two of you.....
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Old 01-04-2008, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Temporary on Earth for a little while
320 posts, read 632,259 times
Reputation: 174
yeah i know you want to go back to being just friends and it can be done even if you have feelings for him, but it will still hurt you....its a lose lose situation for you right now....(if you makeout with him or just talk to him as friends) but i know that he will make his decision if he really cares about you ...and he will make it soon becuase he knows this is hurting you. Yes , you don't deserve to be getting hurt.....(No one does) ...but i believe that if you stick it out a little bit more.....something will happen....either he will realize that he can't be without you, or he will realize that he was just not THAT into you. Hopefully he chooses the first option because it seems to me that are a really nice person and you seem to care alot about him to be opening up about this....
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Old 01-04-2008, 04:35 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,995 posts, read 21,875,060 times
Reputation: 10158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gia88 View Post
He keeps saying that everyone he cares about leaves him, his male friends and women.

He recently lost two good close friends, they went away. He told me all of this before he and I met up a few months ago. He shared this over the phone.

He is different and I could easily see how the people around him could not appreciate him.
I knew someone that fits this description. He was a very self-centered person who made it seem that it was always someone else's fault. For instance, some guy once stole his girlfriend. Well... after I got to know him better, he turned out that he was a lousy and selfish friend, so no wonder his girlfriend ran away from him! And he also sounded really smart but he had no substance. Anyone can sound smart, but if they can't do anything with their smarts, then they are just talkers and a waste of time. Anyway, once I saw this guy for what he was, I ran far away from him. Looking back, I did a lot of listening and trying to help him, but he gave nothing back to me. He wasn't even a good listener himself!

With your man, there is a very good reason that ALL those other people have left him. He sounds like a typical con artist and a toxic personality. Just don't let him drag you under. Don't lend him money, don't buy him presents. And what do you get out of his company? If it's just for the satisfaction of doing a good deed, then be his friend, but not his girlfriend or lover. This is not the kind of person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and make babies with.

Run, run far away from him!!!
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Old 01-04-2008, 04:41 PM
 
25 posts, read 30,822 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis58 View Post
I've been reading your posts and replies, and there are still so many unknown things, that its hard to make a judgement about all this. How far away from you does he live? Is he employed full time? If yes, is he a night time worker? Does he have to work weekends? Do you work fulltime? Do yours and his schedules conflict with each others? You did mention social class or financial backgrounds being different. What type of car does he own, as compared to yours? Could he feel that he is out-classed in this situation? I really dont mean to sound like an interrogation officer or anything, but I do feel that all this information is important. I will check back on this thread later, before I decide what I think about all this.
Ok Dr. Dennis,

Your questions are great actually. Ladies not hate me or laught at me but here goes.

He is unemployed for the last few months and this bothers him alot. For me its not a criteria. He is poor but smart and wise.

We are very a totally different background. Different country, different social group. I would say he is from a very poor background and I am more upper middle class. However his is an educated man and open to many things.

I could tell from his clothes that he may be uncomfortable that he does not have the very best. I dont care about these things. Its whats inside that matters to me.

I am what most men would call very beautiful and get lots of attention and he is an average guy. The quality of women he is used to dating does bother me a bit and I do feel like maybe to take a step back cause quality is not like mine. However, I try to focus on who he is and what great things we have in common.

He and I are more alike, we love spiritual topics, we love art and we love experiencing new unusual things. He has a masters degree, so he is not dumb.

I dont care about his background, I only care about how he makes me feel and what we can share.

I am in such excruciating pain, I feel rejected and unappealing and it just hurts alot.
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