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This is true for a single person. But if you are in a more or less serious relationship then your health and consequently weight is not just your decision. It affects the couple and thus it is reasonable for your bf to comment about it. It is no different than smoking, excessive drinking or over eating. He could've of course been more tactful.
Like I said in the rest of my post, if he is a harsh or critical person in general, it's not even about the weight. She could lose it and he would just find something new to criticize. Her boobs are too small, he doesn't like her hair color, she should dress differently, she should get different friends, stuff like that. If he's that type, losing weight will not help. It sounds like the OP has dated a few guys and this one is pretty new. Presumably she weighed this much when they started dating. Some people are drawn to fixer-upper relationships where they can feel superior and in charge.
He pinched a piece of my belly fat and said "You should really lose some weight!" How should I react?
Interesting that you posted this in the RELATIONSHIP forum instead of the EXERCISE/FITNESS forum.
Your reaction should be based on intellect instead of emotion. I see that most of your posts talk about losing weight, showing your belly, and similar so its obvious to me (and others who read your posting history) that your weight/size/shape is something that you are concerned with. Instead of being angry, upset, and not knowing how to respond to your boyfriend about this, you should just take the bull by the horns and say to yourself "Okay, now he is aware of my weight gain, I really need to do something about this asap instead of just talking about it". This is especially true if he mentioned it in a way that was more playful (which is what it sounded like based on your post) instead of an mean type "you are fat" kind of a way.
By starting this thread in the RELATIONSHIP forum instead of the EXERCISE/FITNESS forum you are just inviting comments by those who will have relationship/emotional reactions like "did you kill him?" or "did you dump him?" or "what a jerk" etc. If you would have started this in the EXERCISE/FITNESS forum your reactions would probably be different (especially based on your previous posts/questions regarding fitness and your current size/shape). People would ask "how is your nutritional intake?", "why do you think you have gained weight?", "I have a great exercise workout plan that you should try.." etc.
If my wife said to me "You are getting fat, you really should lose some weight" I would not get mad or angry with her. ESPECIALLY if I know it myself that I need to lose weight. I know that from her its coming from an angle of love, wanting me to be healthy, wanting me to be fit, wanting me to keep taking care of myself, etc. so getting angy/upset/hurt is absolutely the WRONG way to handle it. I would just re-examine my exercise routine and nutritional intake and go from there. I would also invite her to participate in my weight loss / get fit journey.
Humiliation is a form of shaming, a form of emotional abuse.
Where in a loving and growing relationship is emotional abuse a positive tool for constructive change or improvement?
Having change occur as a result of humiliation is a lot different than employing it as a tactic against a love one to instigate change too. Using humiliation as a behavioral tactic would tend to cause far more trouble in a truly loving relationship than extra pounds ever would.
Well, you are making a bug assumption and employing over dramatization here. Emotional abuse? Caused by an encouragement to lose weight?
You don't know about their relationship and the OP did not really indicate how she felt about this. It could've been a joke or perhaps their communication is direct and to the point.
I wonder what you would've said if she yelled at her bf to do some cleaning or to call before going out with his friends. I bet that would be considered a needed communication within the relationship.
It seems that a lot of the American women are really sensitive about the weight issues. I wonder why...
Well, you are making a bug assumption and employing over dramatization here. Emotional abuse? Caused by an encouragement to lose weight?
You don't know about their relationship and the OP did not really indicate how she felt about this. It could've been a joke or perhaps their communication is direct and to the point.
I wonder what you would've said if she yelled at her bf to do some cleaning or to call before going out with his friends. I bet that would be considered a needed communication within the relationship.
It seems that a lot of the American women are really sensitive about the weight issues. I wonder why...
I'm assuming you have already reacted to a comment like that. The problem is that we don't know your boyfriend. Does he make rude comments and criticise you regularly or was this just a one off thing? Some men are just tactless and some men can never be satisfied with what they have. My first husband was very critical of my appearance. I was a size 2 with a 23 inch waist and I was still fat to him. Just be careful not to be too tolerant towards rudeness.
Well, you are making a bug assumption and employing over dramatization here. Emotional abuse? Caused by an encouragement to lose weight?
You don't know about their relationship and the OP did not really indicate how she felt about this. It could've been a joke or perhaps their communication is direct and to the point.
I wonder what you would've said if she yelled at her bf to do some cleaning or to call before going out with his friends. I bet that would be considered a needed communication within the relationship.
It seems that a lot of the American women are really sensitive about the weight issues. I wonder why...
Most women are sensitive to weight issues. It's not some great mystery. So much importance is placed on how a woman looks. We are taught that our worth as a human being is directly related to how attractive we are. We are told that in order for men to love us, we have to be attractive. Our bodies don't just have to be healthy - they have to be perfect. We can't have cellulite, tummies, big waists, thick arms, etc. We face so much pressure to look good. So, of course if the person that is supposed to actually find us attractive enough to want to be with us tells us that we are fat - it's going to hurt like hell.
And this doesn't seem to be a long term relationship that the OP is talking about. It doesn't sound like the OP suddenly gained 50 lbs. You shouldn't date someone that you aren't attracted to in an attempt to get them to lose weight so that you can be attracted to them.
I'm assuming you have already reacted to a comment like that. The problem is that we don't know your boyfriend. Does he make rude comments and criticise you regularly or was this just a one off thing? Some men are just tactless and some men can never be satisfied with what they have. My first husband was very critical of my appearance. I was a size 2 with a 23 inch waist and I was still fat to him. Just be careful not to be too tolerant towards rudeness.
Compare this thread to the one where the guy is avoiding the OP because the sex was bad. Over there, it's all about being sensitive and not crushing the guy's feelings.
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