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Old 05-21-2011, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,347,972 times
Reputation: 19163

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Quote:
Originally Posted by doglover29 View Post
I'm interested to hear about what people's perceptions of stay-at-home spouses (no children) are.

This is a spouse who stays at home (when there are no children), while the other spouse works, either because there is no financial need for that person to work or because he or she doesn't want to.

For instance, take a newly married, young couple where the husband is a corporate lawyer and the wife was a preschool teacher. Because the wife makes in a day what the husband makes in 15 minutes, the wife decides to quit her job and stay home, even though they don't plan to have kids for many years. The wife just doesn't think it's worth her time to work given that the husband's salary supports them both well.

Or, perhaps the stay-at-home spouse never found a career/job passion and instead would rather just to what he or she feels like doing, whether it's working on hobbies all day, reading, or whatever.

Is the stay-at-home spouse considered lazy? If there is no financial need for them to work, should they do so anyway? Or is contributing in some way to society acceptable (i.e. volunteer work). Must the stay-at-home spouse contribute in an equal way to the home through chores? If so, how can you judge what an acceptable contribution would be? Or do you think it's okay for the stay-at-home spouse to just do whatever he or she wants, and have fun, while the other spouse is working.

I'm interested in hearing people's opinions on this.
I don't see anything wrong with it, if it's what works for the couple. I can see some positives coming out of couples who have only one "gainfully employed" member. One can stay home and work on the place during the week, so that on the weekends, hubby doesn't have a long list of chores to take care of (IF his mate does those things). If only one person "needs" to work, it leaves a slot open in the job market that is now available to someone who NEEDS to work. It seems volunteers are needed in so many areas....not holding down a job can free that person up to contribute to the need.

Again, if a spouse works and his wife stays home and does nothing....the bottom line is this...If that's what makes these people happy, that's really all that should count, isn't it? Some people don't NEED a career to feel happy and fulfilled.
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Old 05-21-2011, 08:11 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,347,972 times
Reputation: 19163
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
Bingo, see, that little thing called mutual trust and or mutual respect and appreciation for the other...makes it a whole different ball game, yanno.
HaH, my son works 3 jobs...and, when we went grocery shopping, she says, where's the soda? She plays dumb, but is smart as a tack....and there are a lot of spouses who do this...that is not only being lazy, but surely hijacking life from your spouse....and they don't have time for quality time for themselves, or to simply be alone and just sit for a few hours to soul search, or any hobbies...which can quickly stress them out and stress can cause some real major health problems...mental and physical. Everything my son does, lives and breaths is for his wife and/or family and for some reason, doesn't feel like he deserves more...and she charges and charges...and that is soooooo unfair and wrong and actually stealing from your spouse....and anyone who does that, is wrong, and self centered.

Now, everyone also goes thru lazy times...I'm talking the extreme here, where one is giving everything and the other is contribiting nothing....



That being said, happy weekend...

hugs
creme
This is that stuff that breaks my heart and makes me feel so bad for the working spouse. It doesn't sound like your DIL has much respect or appreciation for her husband and that's terribly sad.

I went back to working full-time and it ended up not working well for our family. The money was great, but after so many years of ME taking care of the entire place, things feel back into disrepair. I ended up burning myself out and being resentful because it still fell on ME to work my 48 hrs at work and still keep up the house and yard. Seriously, my hubby doesn't have a clue what needs to be done or when, and just doesn't have the energy to do them anyway, after working his physically demanding job.

I am back to part time, because that works for our relationship. We do still have one in school, but at times, I really miss the working. At least at work, you have someone deciding what you need to do. When you're working at home, you have to really pay attention to prioritization. LOL Another thing that was awful about me working full time was this...even though we had double the income coming into the home, our work schedules very rarely ever allowed us to have more than one day off together...so there was never time to do a weekend outing. We rarely ever saw each other and that puts a huge strain on our relationship.

It's funny...hubby was so excited for me to go back to work, so that we'd have all that extra income, but once I went to work full time, all he did was complain because I was working TOO much. LOL
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:52 AM
 
1 posts, read 408 times
Reputation: 10
new here but enjoyed reading the perceptions of many. I work, sometimes two jobs (I am a woman) because frankly, I like to work LOL! Love the social aspect, I love the sports (I work for schools, coach, find second jobs just because and still commit socially to my church and not for profit agencies). My husband stays at home. What does he do? He landscapes two of our properties plus handyman's them, takes care of my mother in law's property, repairs all of our cars, interior designs the house whenever the mood strikes (LOL - sometime's even painting a room 2 x's in one week) takes care of our dog, helps out my daughter who is a young adult with various school projects and cooks and cleans. My perception: stay at home is what you make it. My husband isn't lazy. He is enterprising, extremely intelligent and shows his love for us best by taking care of us. I like the structure of working for a place of employ. He loves the freedom of not being tied down to a schedule. WE work as a relationship because of this. Just my two cents; with all things, stay at home is what you make it and depends on the individual, not someone's perception of lazy verses not lazy.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:56 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,739 posts, read 4,863,064 times
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To each his own, if that's what the woman want. I would never have a 'stay at home' husband unless he was disabled or something.

I don't know how any adult can be at the mercy of another person like that, I would rather do for myself.
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Old 06-26-2012, 04:08 PM
 
1,328 posts, read 1,189,130 times
Reputation: 1338
My perception is that a woman who stays home, and doesn't even have kids to take care of, is nothing more than a total liability. What value does she add if she just stays home and does nothing other than fix a hot plate and provide sex?

In my book, it's no different than having a live-in hooker who can fix meals.
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Old 06-26-2012, 05:25 PM
 
257 posts, read 135,646 times
Reputation: 631
I guess if both people are agreeable then it's what works for them. I could never do this indefinitely, being laid off and being home during the time you are trying to find another job is a different story. I would feel too vulnerable - if your spouse dies or leaves you - then what do you do? No money of your own and chances are you'd be out of the work force so long you'd have a really hard time getting back in.
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Old 06-26-2012, 05:38 PM
 
3,627 posts, read 1,338,552 times
Reputation: 4518
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
I don't know how any adult can be at the mercy of another person like that, I would rather do for myself.
As a college-educated person with prior work experience, I don't consider myself at the mercy of my husband despite being a non-earner at this point in our lives. We are an economic unit in which we are both decision makers. It's not my money, your money. We have built a life of relative financial security through our mutual efforts.

Quote:
Originally Posted by VistaCat View Post
I guess if both people are agreeable then it's what works for them. I could never do this indefinitely, being laid off and being home during the time you are trying to find another job is a different story. I would feel too vulnerable - if your spouse dies or leaves you - then what do you do? No money of your own and chances are you'd be out of the work force so long you'd have a really hard time getting back in.
Adequate life insurance and investments can make a huge difference if the worst happens. As far as divorce, I suppose it's in my best interest (as well as his given divorce law in our state and the assets we have accumulated during our marriage -- it would be ugly for all involved) to ensure we continue to have a happy marriage. However, the above poster, who made the crude statement about hookers who can prepare meals, is way off base.
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