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Something weird happened today. I was at the mall after work and I was approached by a friend of my ex, not the one from work, this is her "best" friend of 11+ years, I will call her Deb for the sake of this post. I've only met her once but we spent an entire day at Deb's house cooking out, having a few drinks, etc. Deb says to me, "I'm so sorry for what happened between you two, the day she told me I was floored." I just smiled and told her me too I wish I knew what changed so fast. Deb said, "She didn't tell you?" It turns out my ex received some bad news about something within her family during work that day and apparently my ex had a huge bout with depression about 2 years ago and this news sent her into a depression relapse. This led to her isolating herself from just about everyone. Deb said she's getting much better and is bringing me up a lot in conversation. Even though I didn't want to I asked Deb how I should handle this since you know her better then me. Deb told me to keep doing what I've been doing, which has been nothing by the way, that she's missing me dearly and talking about me puts a huge smile on my ex's face. Deb said I have faith in you two, you were/are perfect for each other I saw a glow on her I've never seen from her before when you guys were at my house.
I was so tempted to text my ex immediately when I got home. Instead I jumped on here to write about this encounter. Had this been her friend from work I would have just blown off this entire meeting but my ex always talked so fondly of Deb and trusts her with her life so I know smoke is not being blown up my butt.
I guess I'm not looking for any input here I just needed to get this off my chest instead of texting my ex.
Having been in love with someone who suffered from depression, I know how heartbreaking it can be. Nonetheless, she owed you the courtesy of an explanation. If you guys were that close, why didn't she share this with you? There is no valid excuse.
If the two of you ever do get back together, prepare yourself for episodes like this to recur in the future.
I've been thinking about things over the last few hours and one of the things she told me was there were times she was going to need to be alone. For example if we would be watching TV or something she told me she might just excuse herself to sit in her room for a few hours here and there, which she did on a few occasions. When she did this I would poke my head in to the bedroom and let her know if she needed anything I'm 50 feet away. Her reply would always be, "I'm fine, thanks babe". I didn't think there was anything weird about it because I too would need to do this at times. We did communicate a lot, in fact she did tell me there were problems within the family but it was nothing serious. Her and her family aren't very close I guess they had some sort of falling out after her dad died.
If we do end up getting back together after all this I will have a more in depth discussion with her about this condition before any decisions are made. I will still keep my distance from her during this time. I'm not "waiting" on her if that's what people are thinking, I'm going to continue to live my life as I have been. If she ends up contacting me to reconcile...well I'm not going to lie that would be great. If she doesn't or her contacting me comes too late....well then her loss I guess.
You should have been the first person she talked to about this mysterious call from a family member that sent her into a self induced isolation mode.
I'm thinking you don't provide enough drama for her (which normally is an excellent quality), which is why she's didn't follow through with things.
I realize that sounds harsh, but I'm being sincere.
I agree with this. Sounds like she was getting bored and restless. My instinct is that there is another man involved as well.
It also sounds like she really wasn't emotionally committed to you, if she can't even share the info about the mysterious phone call. People who are in the mode of living together (de facto married) generally do not keep secrets. Bottom line, she is untrustworthy. And cruel as well.
This is not the sort of person you can form a healthy, open relationship with and I suggest you make it official and break up with her. This is going nowhere.
I know it seems strange how this all unfolded, but the sad part is she really IS a good person and I do want to commit to her right now. As far as there being someone else involved, that actually was my first instinct. That was the first thing I asked her and she told me there wasn't. I believe her 100% and I also have confirmation that there isn't. I almost wish there was someone else I actually think that would make it easier for me to handle, but just knowing she had a depression relapse makes it hard for me to actually be angry. I'd rather be angry then the emotions that I have now.
I guess this part of the year is really getting to me. Christmas Eve was when we really started to get closer and our conversations got a little more in depth, minus the depression thing of course. She told me the conversation we had Christmas Eve was what changed her feelings towards me as potentially being more then just friends.
Hopefully once the holidays pass I will be in a much much better place then I am right now.
She was married in her early 20's, ended up divorcing after being cheated on multiple times. As far as her last long term relationship, again she was cheated on multiple times which was 4 years ago. In that time she decided she would just be by herself which led to her becoming very independent. When we first started hanging out she told me we clicked which is why we ended up together. She would always text me these pictures saying how the best kinds of relationships begin unexpectedly and so on. I'm just wondering if she was worried I'd do the same to her, which I assured her would never happen from day 1.
My girlfriend has these "dumb" moments too. I just hear her out and say I'm not him. Her last serious relationship ended up with a guy who was cheating on her and stopped taking her out. She felt in a sense that he was embarrassed by her. That in turn took a significant impact on her self esteem. She's better now, but it's a continuous struggle. The only thing you can really do is take it day by day, whether you are or are not by her side. It's tough, but some people have hard times moving ahead, because they can't let go of their past.
I was the same way at one time and was told by several women that they hated feeling as if they were being compared to my first true love. They felt like yesterdays leftovers and they could never compete with an ex. During those times, the women could compete, but I still wanted them to be like my ex. I couldn't accept them as who they were and they ultimately found better partners than myself.
My girlfriend has some scars from that ex, but I hope they go away in time. In the meantime, I just continue to listen and support her the best that I can.
My girlfriend has these "dumb" moments too. I just hear her out and say I'm not him. Her last serious relationship ended up with a guy who was cheating on her and stopped taking her out. She felt in a sense that he was embarrassed by her. That in turn took a significant impact on her self esteem. She's better now, but it's a continuous struggle. The only thing you can really do is take it day by day, whether you are or are not by her side. It's tough, but some people have hard times moving ahead, because they can't let go of their past.
I was the same way at one time and was told by several women that they hated feeling as if they were being compared to my first true love. They felt like yesterdays leftovers and they could never compete with an ex. During those times, the women could compete, but I still wanted them to be like my ex. I couldn't accept them as who they were and they ultimately found better partners than myself.
My girlfriend has some scars from that ex, but I hope they go away in time. In the meantime, I just continue to listen and support her the best that I can.
I guess if there's a positive I can take from this it's the news I got from her best friend yesterday. I know people always say don't put your life on hold for someone, which technically I'm not, since I'm not one who goes out "trolling for chicks", but even with what happened if there is even a glimmer of hope I'm willing to wait and give her the time she needs. While I might not be in a very good place right now I'm in no means unable to live a normal life.
I wasn't in a relationship for 4+ years because any past relationships I was ever in NEVER started out like this one did. It always was some fling that ended up as a "relationship" which everyone knows most of those that start out that way never last. We had/have something that wasn't just about sex, there was a strong bond between us and it was something that brought us together. Sure she left out the whole depression thing but I can't blame her for that. I could understand how that might be embarrassing. I guess another reason I'm feeling the way I am right now is work is getting really rough and putting in long hours is really getting to me. Her and I made a pact that we would never complain about work to each other because if it wasn't for work we would have never ended up together.
I guess if there's a positive I can take from this it's the news I got from her best friend yesterday. I know people always say don't put your life on hold for someone, which technically I'm not, since I'm not one who goes out "trolling for chicks", but even with what happened if there is even a glimmer of hope I'm willing to wait and give her the time she needs. While I might not be in a very good place right now I'm in no means unable to live a normal life.
I wasn't in a relationship for 4+ years because any past relationships I was ever in NEVER started out like this one did. It always was some fling that ended up as a "relationship" which everyone knows most of those that start out that way never last. We had/have something that wasn't just about sex, there was a strong bond between us and it was something that brought us together. Sure she left out the whole depression thing but I can't blame her for that. I could understand how that might be embarrassing. I guess another reason I'm feeling the way I am right now is work is getting really rough and putting in long hours is really getting to me. Her and I made a pact that we would never complain about work to each other because if it wasn't for work we would have never ended up together.
That's the path I took with the relationship I'm in now. By no means was I expecting it to go where it has, even though that was my hope from the beginning. I still went out on other dates and lived my life, but she remained in the back of my mind. She was my front runner for a relationship, even though we were on a bit of a break. We talked out what she was going through and we're over that hurdle.
Sometimes I wonder if some women ever heal from an ex cheating on them or treating them poorly.
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