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I agree with all the posts in this thread that suggest therapy. I've been where you are, though maybe not to such an extreme. I used to have issues with jealousy as well that stemmed from an insecurity and a fear of not mattering to people. It was all interior and had nothing to do with who I dated at the time. You can't live your life fearing who your boyfriend is with and distrusting his actions. You will push him away SO quickly if you start being that person. You seem to understand that.
Yeah, you have to take the time to think about why you feel this way about yourself. Whatever caused you to split with your ex does not make you a bad person and it doesn't make you worthless. You'd be surprised how terrible people can be to each other, but it doesn't mean you deserve the treatment. My two exes were jerks and no other girls even liked them yet they treated me poorly. I wondered what I did to cause it. Instead, you need to brush it off and focus on your qualities. There is a reason (or many reasons) your boyfriend is with you. If he wanted to go off and do his own thing, he would.
Worrying about cheating and being jealous is completely useless because, as I've said before, the act of being jealous doesn't stop someone from cheating. They will cheat no matter what you do! So why not trust them instead and spare yourself the anxiety? Let them hang themselves without the possibility of them blaming you for being possessive or weird.
I repeat: your boyfriend likes you for a reason. That means there are things about you worth liking. Focus on that. A therapist will help you with some exercises/ways of thinking to improve that mindset.
Let me start by saying that I had an extremely rough time with my ex-boyfriend. I had no trust for him after he lied about watching porn for a couple months. I know that sounds prudish, but we had been through a lot. This ultimately led to our demise.
Now, almost a year later, I have begun dating a new guy. He has been pining after me for about the past year, as we lived on the same hall in college last year. He is the sweetest thing I could ever imagine; he would do anything for me. We began dating almost a month ago, in November. Now, it is Christmas break. So, we will be apart for a month. My crazy jealous self has returned, as strong as it was during my last relationship. He has given me ZERO reason to not trust him. But, I have the worst insecurities that I cannot shake. I find myself extremely fat and ugly, and I see no reason why he would care about me. Because of this, I compare myself to all of his girl friends and past exes/hook-ups. I feel that any girl he talks to that is more attractive than me (which is most), he will hook up with and leave me. I have this awful fear that he is going to cheat on me. It is 2 days into Christmas break and I am driving myself insane. For example, I know he is drinking but I don't know who with. He could be doing God knows what with God knows who. I can actually feel myself going crazy and I cannot handle a relationship if I continue to be like this. I don't want to **** up something that has been so amazing for me.
Please help me. I don't know how to not worry.
At least you realize you are doing this to yourself, that's a start.
Until you get your emotions under better control you might want to stop dating for a bit.
A person who is this led by their ego is not really good relationship material.
Do some reading and figure out how you are going to move past this. You CAN do it, but you have to work at it. Good luck.
It appears you are not ready for any type of relationship. My goodness, that must be torture, to have such insecurities. You know, your experience is very limited, and not every person will act like your last boyfriend. Hopefully you learned a lesson from your last relationship, and applied it to the newest one. My bet is that you didn't or else you wouldn't feel such anxiety......btw, are when you say you are big and ugly, is that what you see in the mirror, but not necessarily what other's see. That is the key to your happiness, to have a better self image, I've met plenty of very attractive women, who see a different image of themselves, it's very common.
Obvious signs that you are attractive to him....
Him pining over you
Him hanging out with you
Him being with you in a college setting, not like he hides you in some OKIE town in the woods.
Him showing continued interest for a year, but waited until just a month ago to date
Those are all signs that say he likes you, and doesn't see you as being big and ugly....you need to bust that image of yourself, because it's obvious he doesn't see you in that way.
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