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Me and my wife are about to celebrate our 20th anniversary soon. We dated for 7 years before we got married too. I met her when she was 18 and my feelings for her are as strong and deep as ever. Mind you, she stays in great shape and is generally a superwoman in my eyes holding down a demanding job and taking care of the household as well, making sure our toddlers are fed/taking them to/from preschool, keeping the house clean etc etc.
I do my part as much as I can too, helping with chores and taking care of the kids as needed. But she's a lion, straight up. Having said that, I guess my point is that it definitely takes 2 to keep the flame alive and a big part of the reason why I'm so committed to her is because she's amazing. Maintaining that level of commitment is not always easy with life's demands. I'm finding that life is not getting easier as we age, quite the opposite.
Good luck to you both! I hope it works out for you, you seem like a catch despite your previous woes.
But did it also start so intense and crazy from the first moment or did it set in slowly?
It creeps you out because--ding, ding, ding SOCIOPATH ALERT!
This is known as "love-bombing."
And he has the socio-stare.
Run, Forrest, run!
I am creeped out of myself because I am letting myself fall into something so quickly.
since I dont trust my own judgment, I tell my friends about stuff he says and does and so far, no red flags. ALL my previous bfs had red flags right from the start and I saw them but chose to ignore.
Oh come on. That could happen, it could just be passion too. It's almost never a good idea to not go with the flow and enjoy it. Chemistry and sparks is a great thing. If it ends, then it ends, and that will suck, but to not enjoy the intense passion when it is there? Pure folly.
But did it also start so intense and crazy from the first moment or did it set in slowly?
It started real slow. We dated a few times then drifted apart, then she called me and the rest is history. I waited 6 months to have sex too, I wanted it to be special, not in my car lol. Come on, I was 20.
I am trying to get advice by people who are able to have LTR, not by the ones who dump everybody when they have a bad day or are insecure in front of cameras and stare when they take selfies.
Nobody can keep up best behavior all the time. It's easy in the beginning of a new relationship. The important thing is that you recognize if you are all-in, you are all-in, for more than just getting flowers all the time and having doors held and being cooked for and treated like a princess. At some point, real life kicks in...but that's not a bad thing, at all.
In a long-term, solid relationship or marriage, you have to be with the kind of person who still strikes you as the one for you even when you're not getting romantic dinners and flowers delivered at work. I have the guy who cooks for me, brings me coffee, does all kinds of nice things for me. I also have the guy who was sitting at my bedside when I woke up in recovery when I had a tumor removed. I also have the guy who I have comforted in his crushing disappointment and frustration when he didn't get a job he was desperately hoping for. The guy who can't remember to call SafeLite to fix his cracked windshield that's been cracked for almost a year. The guy who never thinks to do dishes and make beds. The guy who will ALWAYS walk the dogs, even if it's raining, snowing, he's tired, etc. The guy who's kind of a slob. The guy who painted Christmas tree ornaments with me our first Christmas when we had nothing to put on the tree. The guy who will not throw out holey socks or underwear and gets annoyed at me for doing so. The guy who is sometimes grouchy from something at work. The guy who is always volunteering to help out somebody who has less than he has, and is the most giving person I know.
People are people, and loving the whole person, not just the sweep-you-off-your-feet person you meet at the beginning, is its own kind of powerful.
You should know by now that this feeling will not last. Once it wears off, what foudation will the relationship stand on? That "in love" feeling is wonderful, but it doesn't last for anyone. Love is indeed blind because when we're falling for someone, we have blinders on and refuse to see the potential problems. Sounds like you are trying to fill that hole we all have inside with another person. It will never work, and is not fair to the other person. Only when we have a right relationship with God can our relationships with people work out in the long run. It's a painful lesson for us to learn, including yours truly.
Congratulations on finding someone magical. New love is a great feeling. That being said, do you think there is any degree of self sabotage in your previous relationships? It does sound like all your previous relationships followed a certain pattern.
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