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Absolutely not acceptable. You both need counselling ASAP. Her attitude seems very immature, but it sounds as though she's trying to give you a wake up call about things that are eating her.
If you both value the marriage and want to protect your children from a broken home, you can move mountains with the help of a good therapist.
Well She did ask you, that has to count for something. You know she might not know what she wants, she may just feel she is missing something. I would not direct that to yourself either. She may need an adrenaline rush, an need to shake life up, do something she/the both of you have never done before.
Look at runners some live for the runners high. A sex affair maybe the only thing she can think of that might work. I doubt that you could offer or suggest lets go running and that would be accepted but you may want to look at your total relationship from both sides. Do you go on vacations where? is it exciting or is it the local lake to fish.
Think about your own sex life. That's the easiest thing to jazz up. Do either of you look porn with out the other around, I think that it can have a negative effect if viewed alone. A great effect when viewed together. Is she being influenced in any way with internet sexuality like dirty stories.
Another C-D post was about the idea of nude beaches, fool around in the car, ask her to ware something really sexy and take her out for dinner and dancing.
I am trying to focus on sex because that is how she is expressing herself. Love and human nature are two different things. Both at times can seems totally out of whack or extreme. So for now focus on the relationship sexuality. Explain what your thinking (if you agree) and ask her for some other choices.
I don't know if this is an easy thing to fix, I think it will take work on both parts. It doesn't seem that she would be oppose to trying, she does not want to cheat (I did not have time to read all the posts, I apologize if I missed a critical item).
I went through a divorce my wife and I had a ton of negative support and encouragement. Try to stay positive and not judgmental be careful what you let influence you. If she will wait and work with you it could make the world of difference.
Ask her to understand, the way that you feel and what you believe, that if she fools around that it doesn't just compromise the marriage but it would force you to compromise yourself.
Again step back see yourself in all of this, what part you play, and what part you can.
This sounds very selfish and immature of her. How old are the both of you? Sit her down and ask her exactly what she means. My hunch tells me she's already sleeping around and wants to move on and hopes that you will blow the roof on this and leave. That's just my hunch, i could be wrong.
I'm not married and i know it takes a lot of work to make it work. 3 years with 3 kids, who wouldn't be feeling tired and worn out? Y'all need to spend some quality time together just romancing and not worrying about junior spilling this or pulling someone's hair out. Many married people i know have to even schedule sex - and then reschedule ..... Find a babysitter, go to dinner or have a picnic. Take a dayroom and just focus on each other. There must have been something that made you want to spend the rest of your lives together - rekindle.
Bring her breakfast in bed, take the kids out one afternoon and have her just relax and do whatever she wants, clean the house one weekend. And it's not just about you, both of you have to make an effort. If you are not able to do it alone, seek a third party, go to a counselor or a minister. Don't go down without putting up a fight! You want her, pull out all the stops and fix it. I wish you all the best, i actually believe marriage is forever and hope that you'll be able to make it out of this pothole better than when you got in.
I was wondering if anyone could help me out with a situation that I haven't been able to grasp yet. My wife has been having difficulty with our relationship lately. We have been married 3 years and have never had problems before. She has just recently told me that she still loves me dearly but that she misses the excitment that she used to get for me in life and with intimacy. She told me that she doesn't want to lose me however she would like to have permission to sleep around. What do you all think? I am hurt, devestated and don't know what to do. My wife and my children are my whole life.
What I think is that this is part of marriage - happens to the best of us - and she needs to deal with it. "Excitement" doesn't last all day, every day, for the entire length of the marriage, and that's just reality.
I think, if you love her, you need to sit her down and have a very detailed conversation with her - what's really wrong? What are you unhappy with? What can I do to make this better for you? Assure her that you KNOW that marriage, and life, take plenty of work, but when you got married, you agreed to do it together, and you suddenly feel as if she doesn't want that anymore. Why not? What happened? Try to fix it, as best you can. It'll either work, or it won't - but either way, you'll know you did what you could to save your relationship.
Good luck to you. My heart goes out to you, and your children.
I enjoy a cuckold relationship with my wife not the stereo type where she has sex with only other men and not me although we do sometimes role play that scene. I am bi so its a turn on for both of us. Our relationship is filled with love and honesty but it is ours and works for us.
It sounds like it's time to take stock of life. With this economy, most people have a high stress level and yes stress can affect one's sex drive. However, if it's to the point where it's affecting your marriage, you have step back and decide why are you stressed out? Have you spoken to your wife about what you are going through or have you decided to shoulder it all yourself? If you don't want to share, instead of getting a divorce and decide she's ungrateful for the life you gave her and took on all the stress, why don't you include her? She might not want to be "spared". She is an adult afterall. It sounds like she's felling left out.
Instead of trying to work things out and making the relationships better for the two of you, she wants to sleep around with other men. this is not how to fix the problem.
I was wondering if anyone could help me out with a situation that I haven't been able to grasp yet. My wife has been having difficulty with our relationship lately. We have been married 3 years and have never had problems before. She has just recently told me that she still loves me dearly but that she misses the excitment that she used to get for me in life and with intimacy. She told me that she doesn't want to lose me however she would like to have permission to sleep around. What do you all think? I am hurt, devestated and don't know what to do. My wife and my children are my whole life.
Permission to sleep around? That is absolutely unacceptable, at least to me it is. Has she been "sleeping" with you lately? and can you satisfy her. If she misses the excitement and intimacy, then I would work on bringing that back. She's giving you some major clues here!
I would tell her that her wanting to sleep around is unacceptable to you, then take the kids somewhere else lock yourself in your bedroom with her, take control, wisk her away to bed, and then lay the wood to her more passionately than you ever have. Show her that your willing to satisfy her......
this is not about divorce! this is about drawing the most reasonable line. you can not sleep around and be a good mother. that is why we get married so that in the daily comfort of each other and the absence of wanting to shag someone all day we can focus on our kids and providing them with a life. if she starts sleeping around she will be no more elevated than any opium junky she will be unfocused, impatient and inconvenienced by anything other than her fun outlet. it is ok to get mad, it is ok to make boundaries even for us modern women!
even the most liberal god loathing woman needs a guy who can stand up for himself in the very least. frankly there is no being understanding about this. point blank a real man will say, choices are all yours it's your life but if you want one with me, keep in mind it's as illegal as tax-evasion i will document it and take you to court as an unfit mother. boom. end of story, let her sulk regain some interest in her real life spank her and wait for the next marital hurdle together. this is not just you taking care of yourself this is you taking care of her, do you honestly think she would be happy with herself if she let the worst in her make decisions? woman don't sleep with guys they don't respect, that is why your on a bind in the first place. if you manage this well you can get back on track. this is part of marriage the nitty gritty you are taking care of her right now making sure she doesn't slip. it's your job!
you have to have barriers! there have to be consequences you can't just let people do whatever they want. if she wants to shag people like its spring break then you need to let her know she will no longer be the mother you want for your kids! jesus, grow a pair! doesn't anybody give a s^&* about the rules! what a selfish ditz.
Hello..
There must be a case of the 6-7 year itch these days. I have been married to my wife going on 7 years in a few days. I found out she was having an affair with a guy from her job, at first I was under the impression it was just emotional but soon came to find out there had been much more.
because we have a 6yr gap in age I look at this situation as a form of immaturity because she never got the opportunity that I did in my 20's to date and find my way!! She now 27 and myself 33 no kids together but I have 2 from 2 previous relationships. Conflicts we encountered over the years was her and I having a kid together but because I had a vasectomy the process would be a journey verses just sleeping with someone else. So that the history of us! Now for the current events, after the affair was to be seen as over I felt compelled to pursue the reversal for her and I to have a kid together, I surprised her with this new a few days after Valentines over dinner. She cried as a sign to me joy but also guilt from the past. We are scheduled to leave but apart of me feels there is something I don't know or maybe shouldn't know and I am wondering if she is still seeing the other guy. My mind has been wondering.
everyone's advice here is great BTW but living through this is tough.
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