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Yeah, be honest and clear if anything. That is what I meant when I said ask yourself what role you are playing. Keeping things hidden is a form of passive aggressive behavior. You are judging her but not giving her your honest feelings. Tell her how you feel and then you will know if she is really into you or not.
I hate when others expect me to be a mind reader. Communication is key.
What do you recommend in person or over the phone? Definitely not via text..
I guess if she says she is not into me then I won't talk to her any more, because I can't do it.
BUT
If she says timing isn't right, what do I do here? I like her a lot but I don't want to stick around and invest myself if I am not going to get anything in return and if she is going to ultimately not want to be with me.
Maybe I could tell her
"I like you a lot, and any guy would be lucky to have you. Go be happy and do your thing... If you do want something more and to give me a chance then let me know. I may still be single, I may not.. You are a great person, and in any case I'm happy that we met by chance. bye"
Is your girl ready to hear this from you? If you present this to her the wrong way, timing, overly serious tone of voice, etc. you would come off clingy and needy and this could cause her to pull back considerably if she's not receptive. Its a gamble and you may be better off finding out now and losing her than later on when more has been invested emotionally. I've never had a positive result from doing this but everybody's situation is different and you might have a winner.
What do you recommend in person or over the phone? Definitely not via text..
I guess if she says she is not into me then I won't talk to her any more, because I can't do it.
BUT
If she says timing isn't right, what do I do here? I like her a lot but I don't want to stick around and invest myself if I am not going to get anything in return and if she is going to ultimately not want to be with me.
Maybe I could tell her
"I like you a lot, and any guy would be lucky to have you. Go be happy and do your thing... If you do want something more and to give me a chance then let me know. I may still be single, I may not.. You are a great person, and in any case I'm happy that we met by chance. bye"
Talk to her in person! Talking about your feelings through phone/text just plain sucks. Plus sometimes you miss out on body language cues if you were in person.
I think your quoted remark is perfect. You tell her you care about her but you still should live your life. So live your life and see if she gets her **** together. This way you have self respect, you are not waiting around but you leave the opportunity open for later. It sounds like you care about her; this might be the best way to deal with it at this time.
Is your girl ready to hear this from you? If you present this to her the wrong way, timing, overly serious tone of voice, etc. you would come off clingy and needy and this could cause her to pull back considerably if she's not receptive. Its a gamble and you may be better off finding out now and losing her than later on when more has been invested emotionally. I've never had a positive result from doing this but everybody's situation is different and you might have a winner.
Good point, it needs to be subtle and not emotionally crazy..
However NOT saying anything means I am a PUSHOVER... What kind of man doesn't speak his mind?
Good point, it needs to be subtle and not emotionally crazy..
However NOT saying anything means I am a PUSHOVER... What kind of man doesn't speak his mind?
Maybe you could just have a casual conversation next time you hook up- ask her if she would like to take your relationship to the next level. See how she reacts. Then if she is not committed you could say the thing you quoted earlier.
Maybe you could just have a casual conversation next time you hook up- ask her if she would like to take your relationship to the next level. See how she reacts. Then if she is not committed you could say the thing you quoted earlier.
Yeah I like this idea a lot, it sucks because I have to wait now it could be weeks or months.
Maybe you could try and meet someone else in the meantime?
I am in the process of doing that now. I go out on dates and it sucks to have to go through the process of getting to know someone from scratch again. Some times I am with them and I feel anxiety about moving on without the old one, then I get kind of sad about it.
I've only been on a few new dates and haven't felt that spark that I felt with her when we met.
I will try to keep seeing these people since I am physically attracted and give them a chance.
Also I can normally move on and get over people in my past HOWEVER this requires me to cut contact with them... :/ i've been stuck in limbo with her for some time... Hooking up, acting like a couple in person.... then weeks go by
For example: If she does something to **** me off, I swallow my feelings and don't say anything. If she plays cat and mouse with the CHASE game I don't say anything, after I get feelings..
But it hurts not speaking my feelings and it makes me wonder if it is less attractive to always pretend like everything is cool, when it is not... Like it really, really hurts after months of not saying something..
I've heard of several studies that show that couples that fight every once in awhile are more healthy, because they aren't afraid to discuss the things that matter to them. They don't have that fear that if they go up against their partner and disagree with them, that their partner will turn from them and they trust that their partner will still love them.
Quote:
@Ladies do you find it unattractive when a guy tells you he likes you and cannot just be a casual date partner with you?
(assume you two already hooked up a few times)
Admittedly, I've never hooked up a few times with someone whom I wasn't in a relationship with, but I've never been turned off by a guy saying that he likes me and cannot be a casual date partner. If I'm in any way involved beyond a platonic level, then I'm interested in seeing where the adventure takes us.
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