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[this post starts off SEEMING superficial, but you will see as it goes on that it's much deeper than that]
I am a white female in her 20s in LA and I feel so alone. I've lived in Hollywood, North Hollywood, and other parts of the valley.... but I've been here for over a year now and I don't see many other people who are similar to me (as in): pretty/handsome face, slender, young, white, has American English as his/her primary language, and straight (the males who actually ARE straight here have facial hair. I am just not physically attracted to facial hair on males) WHY are those attributes so hard to find in modern-day LA county? Where are they all? What neighborhood/district of LA are they mostly in, I wonder. Walking around, I don't see people who look like aspiring leading men and leading ladies. I walk around many parts of metro los angeles and I hear people speaking spanish, armenian, the jewish language, etc etc! I go to Ralphs and CVS and Walgreens and Walmart and Target and the workers there say "what? what?" to me (they do not understand or speak English very well because it is their second language and they have by no means become proficient in the English language). I FEEL AS THOUGH I AM NOT IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Please - some fellow English speakers to befriend would be nice. I walk around and people are physically dirty, filthy, etc. I see overweight, very much below-average-looking, non-white people. And that's fine if there was an even distribution of many different types of people. but I see that as the great majority!
I am single and I feel so alone here. I can't really be friends with old men. I can't really have a gay boyfriend. I can't really have close friends who don't easily understand us american English. and it would be nice to see some potential people to befriend who are attractive, young, and slender too (as that is how I am and people always look for others who are similar to them). but where have they all gone? I know that the stars live in malibu and pacific palisades, but it's super ultra expensive there. Even know in beverly hills there are asians and etc who don't speak much English. I don't know where to go. I feel so alone, I can't find my home.
I greatly dislike the midwest, and I used to love LA (when I came as a visitor here in 2008 and 2010), but NOW metro LA appears to be just like a totally different country. I feel like I don't fit in. I have no one to connect to/with.
My best friend from the midwest is hispanic, my only friend here in los angeles is black, etc so I am not a racist person. It's just that people like to be surrounded by others who are more like them (20s, young, white, straight, thin, attractive, not dirty, English-speaking)
WHERE are all the hot guys??? seriously. I don't see any and I am supposed to be in "THE" L-A!
The two males that I have had as boyfriends in my life...... were not exactly Ken dolls on a purely physical-level (from the eyes of most people), I was with him because we had a deep emotional connection and TO ME he was physically beautiful, but still -
come now, this is the city of angels.... I certainly would hope that sometime in the next 10 years I would find someone who is both physically actor-looking/model-looking AND has a deep and precious emotional connection with me. Right?
but based on what I've surveyed, I come across no males who I am attracted to. I'll TALK to them to see if their personality has a "spark" with me, but no-- I am still not attracted to them.
And then as fro friends, I don't find many girls with whom I feel a bond either.
I feel utterly alone. In This Whole World.
and I miss my ex-boyfriend SO much. I feel awful. I have no one.
p.s. I have been unemployed for the past 7 months, and so I don't have any work associates to turn to either.
I've contacted firms to ask if they're hiring and they tell me that they only hire assistants who work FOR FREE in the mailroom first. Other than that, they will only 'employ' college students who are currently IN school to do unpaid 'internships' and FROM THERE they hire. Well I am deep in debt and do not have time to work for free. I have a B.A. degree but it has not helped me.
I live in LA so that I may, sometime over the course of my life, be connected with creative opportunities (writing, film, ideas, publishing, acting). So that's why I live here. Also the weather is warm for 9 months out of the year, which is better than most of the US. but aside from that - ugh, WHERE in California or in the USA or in the English-speaking world can I feel connected to other people and feel that I have a place and feel "home" and also where the weather is nice and where entertainment industry opportunities are prevalent?
If the only place is LA, then I don't know WHICH part to live in where I can feel 'right.'
And without my boyfriend (well, ex-bf now), nothing feels like 'home.' I'm in my late twenties and I am not connected in any way. As in:
I have no significant other
I have a very very hard time finding someone who I sincerely feel a connection with. It took me 25 years to find my first BF! I may never find anyone else, even if I live to be 80.
I have no job
I have no money
I have no car
I have like two friends (both girls). That's it.
The most important person to me is my mom and she is in the midwest because she can not afford to live in LA with me and I myself can not afford to bring her here. (and my midwestern state is the worst place on earth, so I'd never want to move back there)
I have no accomplished my dreams or even gotten close. I haven't gone to any acting auditions and won't be able to in the future because clearly I need a steady salaried job and so I won't be available during audition times. So I haven't gone near my actress goal.
And I haven't published any of the books that I aim to write because the manuscript of all of them is unfinished.
Also, I have ideas as a public speaker or youtube speaker but I haven't done any of that yet either. And I can't do it now because I live in a tiny TINY appartment (it's all I can afford). All of my belongings are in boxes and with them and my twin size matress alone - the floor is completely covered. I need to crawl over my bed to get to the door. Thta's how bad it is. Also, the walls are thin so my neighbors would be able to hear me. so basically I have no privacy (since I have no money), so that's why I haven't been able to accomplish that goal either.
I feel like such a failure. I'm in my late 20s and haven't done even ONE of the things that I aimed to do since I was a small little girl. and one of my goals was to find "the one" too and clearly that didn't/hasn't/probably won't work out for me either.
I don't think you have a psychological problem as much as you have a maturity problem and a self-discipline problem. What you need is not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but a life coach and to grow the heck up.
But first you need to stop worrying about finding a boyfriend, or even making friends, and just get yourself some gainful employment. Given the rest of the attitude in your post, I'm going to tell you to put your ego aside and take whatever job you can get, even if it's scrubbing toilets or waiting tables.
And not for nothing, but you DO sound like a racist. If you've lived in LA for a while, then you should know by now which neighborhoods are ethnic mixes. If you can't handle people with brown skin, then you shouldn't have moved to where you are.
Honestly? I wonder if your maturity issues are the reason why you have no friends. People who go around looking down on others tend to radiate snottery, and it's offputting.
That's not what I mean. I had a BF before and he existed and was real, and we lived together and everything
so it's not like I'm asking for something imaginary
Everyone has different taste and cliques with others differently. I'm expressing my own personal ones
what? I'm saying that I have investigate many parts of LA and there are mainly mexicans who do not speak much English and aside from them, there are many many others who don't either. So it's hard to find people to go through life with
That's not what I mean. I had a BF before and he existed and was real, and we lived together and everything
so it's not like I'm asking for something imaginary
Everyone has different taste and cliques with others differently. I'm expressing my own personal ones
You ARE asking for something imaginary: A guy with model-type looks and a "deep and precious emotional connection." EVERYONE ON EARTH wants that, and few get even one of those.
You need a wake-up call. I agree with Lilac. You have to get your sh*t together.
Be glad that BF is gone. You need to work on yourself. You need to get emotionally healthy or go home and start over.
Your dreams are the biggest cliche out there: Making it "big" in LA. DO you know how many people have tried and failed at what you want over the past 75 years?? You are not the first "20s, young, white, straight, English-speaking, thin, not dirty, attractive girl" to try to be an actress??? You HAVE to get a thicker skin if you want to pursue that goal.
Pick a goal and stick with it. My first choice would be steady employment. The rest you can work on along the way.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 01-05-2015 at 09:33 PM..
That's not what I mean. I had a BF before and he existed and was real, and we lived together and everything
so it's not like I'm asking for something imaginary
Everyone has different taste and cliques with others differently. I'm expressing my own personal ones
And your own personal ones need a lot of work if you are to find a job and function in a multi-ethnic city.
Basically--and take this as you will--you're whining. There are so many people in this world who have it so much worse than you. I've had it worse than you, and not too long ago, and I'm in my late 40s. Life is full of setbacks and disappointments, and the sooner you understand that, the sooner you can pick yourself up and get on with what you have to do, which is get your life together.
If you are that miserable, you may need to admit that LA is not the place for you. Hey, Long Island isn't the place for me. I hate it here, and no, I don't like 90% of the people I meet here. But unlike you, I am not sitting on my computer carrying on about how rough I have it. I got about four broken hours of sleep last night, and I will have about five tonight because I am working my arse off to meet a deadline so I can earn the money I need to in order to get off this stupid island and be where I am happiest. I went from not being able to pay my rent less than a year ago to cracking close to five figures a month for four months running.
So, you have two choices:
Sit back and complain and let your situation get even worse, or stand up, get yourself together, and go find some work. The busier your mind is, the less inclined you will be to sit around pizzing and moaning like this. Trust me.
Lilac - I'm sorry for whatever situation you are facing (you didn't list it specifically. what is it?).
but how would you feel if you had NOTHING? No money, no apartment/home floor to walk on, no job, no significant other, only one family member that you're close to (and this family member lives in a different state than you), only two friends in the world, and none of your goals even edged-towards???
It feels AWFUL! Because this has been my ENTIRE LIFE thus far (aside from 15 months when I had my first and only boyfriend. but we're over now) !!!
My whole life has been so viod of happiness and fulfillment (aside from those 15 months that I was with my one and only-ever bf [now ex]).
So I'm not whinning, I'm very saddened about my life as a whole. and I'm now nearing 30. That's a long time to be miserable about your life circumstances.
Lilac - I'm sorry for whatever situation you are facing (you didn't list it specifically. what is it?).
but how would you feel if you had NOTHING? No money, no apartment/home floor to walk on, no job, no significant other, only one family member that you're close to (and this family member lives in a different state than you), only two friends in the world, and none of your goals even edged-towards???
It feels AWFUL! Because this has been my ENTIRE LIFE thus far (aside from 15 months when I had my first and only boyfriend. but we're over now) !!!
My whole life has been so viod of happiness and fulfillment (aside from those 15 months that I was with my one and only-ever bf [now ex]).
So I'm not whinning, I'm very saddened about my life as a whole. and I'm now nearing 30. That's a long time to be miserable about your life circumstances.
I would go home to the "one family member" for support and healing.
Lilac - I'm sorry for whatever situation you are facing (you didn't list it specifically. what is it?).
but how would you feel if you had NOTHING? No money, no apartment/home floor to walk on, no job, no significant other, only one family member that you're close to (and this family member lives in a different state than you), only two friends in the world, and none of your goals even edged-towards???
It feels AWFUL! Because this has been my ENTIRE LIFE thus far (aside from 15 months when I had my first and only boyfriend. but we're over now) !!!
My whole life has been so viod of happiness and fulfillment (aside from those 15 months that I was with my one and only-ever bf [now ex]).
So I'm not whinning, I'm very saddened about my life as a whole. and I'm now nearing 30. That's a long time to be miserable about your life circumstances.
Yeah, hi. I know almost no one where I live now, and don't particularly care to. All of my friends are in the DC area, and I have a ticker on my laptop counting the days, down to the seconds, until my lease runs out as I will be back there by then so help me. The one sister I talk to is in Pennsylvania. The recession hit me hard and I lost everything not long after--retirement, the whole she-bang (and I do mean "bang" because an accident totaled my car and lost that, too)--and had to start over again from scratch. Even then, there were setbacks, including the end of a 7-year relationship about a year ago, and I pretty much lost my entire social network here when we split up. I have friends visit me from out of state, or I visit them, or go into Queens to see another. His parents and I are friends, but it's not like I see them regularly. I see a few of my neighbors at complex events and movies, and I date now and then when I have the time.
But I don't have much time because I'm so busy working, I know I'm leaving in 6 or 7 months, and the men my age here are all looking for a cook, maid, and nurse to see them into their old age. Forget it!
You are young. You may not feel like it, but you are. Your 20s are the ideal time to go through this stuff. At your age, it's a learning experience and a growth opportunity. At my age, it's just a pain in the ass.
And now I'm out of here because I have about three more hours of work and it's close to midnight here and I do want to get some sleep before I have to get up at 7:00 and file my story, then spend another 9 hours cranking out the next one. And on Wednesday another. And Thursday, another.
Whee!
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