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I know a couple of guys who are very happy after dating and marrying singles moms. Maybe it's just you that single moms aren't able to see as their #1 priority. :/
Women often say that her and her kids are a package deal. Nothing wrong with
that. The problem comes when she doesn't support herself or the kids and
depends on the man to do it. Now her and the kids become sand bags weighing a
man down and guilt tripping him if he doesn't provide and 'be a man'. I think
that women are just trained to think that when a man enters a relationship with
her, especially when she has kids, (whether they are with him or not) that his
job as a man is to provide. It is not a man's responsibility or job to pay for
a woman's way and her kids anymore (unless the kids are his). We have Feminism
now. Women are equal, they have their own jobs, their own money. They can
pay their own way. A woman's problems should not be a man's problems or vice
versa.
I agree and disagree.
Every able bodied adult person should provide for themselves and certainly for their children. Certainly some people (not women) are raised (not trained) in the "traditional family value" mindset where the man is the head of household and financial provider for the woman and children (his/hers and theirs) and the woman keeps the home and takes care of her man and children (his/hers and theirs). Other people believe they are independently responsible for both financial and physical provisions.
I do believe that when a couple commit their problems become shared problems. Otherwise what is the point of being a team if you cant lean on the other sometimes. The OP's problems is that he coupled with someone who does not uphold her end. This is not a gender issue but a character issue. I see the same in men that will move in with a single mom for the free section 8 housing and food (food stamps), her child support money and of course sex so that he doesn't have to work or can work very little and still live.
I can also understand how someone can be fooled by false intentions but no one has to continue to be a patsy.
Dude you got your **** Together. You deserve your own family from scratch. Not some pick-up family with a host of problems. It should be them who is bending over backwards for you to appreciate you for their lives not being in the drink.
But hyenas don't thank their victims for their sacrifice.
They just laugh at them.
You're a hard working smart guy. Get what you deserve. Don't let your soft heart put your life into the gutter.
Here's a dose of reality. Man UP! THIS IS SOMEBODY ELSE'S LIFE SITUATION you are injecting yourself into. What I mean by that is - THIS IS WHAT SHE DESIGNED FOR HERSELF. Even if you were to die tomorrow, she would continue to be as she is, and her daughter as she is. They do not need you to ruin opportunities and advantageous situations. They are perfectly capable of that on their own.
But they are ruining YOU. Without putting forth any effort. Could you imagine if they TRIED?
The question is, are you calling a spade a spade? Are you accepting reality? Reality is found in actions not words. Are you receiving the correct actions right now from them for your effort?
You are not. Yes, anyone is capable of anything, but they must be capable AND WILLING. Are they Willing?
All things return to their nature. What is their nature? What is yours? You cant always trust people, but you can ALWAYS trust in their nature.
That said,
I'd bet you 10 bucks that there is a girl 5 years younger, 2 times prettier, with FRESH ovaries 1 town over, who would love to work with you on whatever life goals you have planned, and maybe even work a job along the way.
Leave her now and go get in the car and find her. Tell her Arrow sent ya.
Last edited by Arrownight; 01-08-2015 at 09:33 PM..
When I first started dating my girlfriend, I was doing well with investments, including owning my own home. I had a good job (which thankfully I still have) and made decent money, but was good at saving. I fell in love with my girlfriend right around the time that my realtor told me to put my condo on the market if I wanted to make some real money from it. So it seemed natural that I buy a new and bigger place for us and her two girls (7 and 10 at the time). When we first moved in together, I had 25k in stocks locked up, I had made over 65k on my condo. A year and a half later, I am living paycheck to paycheck as she struggles to find any type of decent work and I am stuck supporting all 4 of us pretty much on my own. My investments had to be cashed out prematurely since I was stuck with so much of the bills and mortgage, and I sunk all profits into the new place. I feel that she believed that she was perhaps going to be a "stay-at-home-mom since we moved into a really nice family oriented community. We talked before the whole thing happened about the way I was brought up and that I feel both parties in a couple should work. She seemed to agree with it. At the time at least.
Its literally the opposite of what I thought I was getting into.
...
Sorry to hear this. Looks like you had your heart and mind in the right place and it just didn't work out. That was a good thing. Unfortunately, I don't have a solution for you.
Op sorry to hear you are in this situatin. Sounds like she feels you are her and her kids personal bank. There's no way her kids should be disrespecting you especially if you are paying all bills. Demand she get a job and contribute or throw her out. She and her kids are not your resonsibilty. You've done enough
WHY is it your responsibility?
What makes it your responsibility?
What are their responsibilities to you? Are they upholding them?
I speak like I know because I speak from a position of experience.
I have been through 2 single mom's and 2 pre made families. And I wish I could get that time and those resources back.
I am maybe more soft hearted than you.
But if you believe me so far then believe this truth.
Is there anything a man wouldn't do for his family?
Aren't you a member of your own family?
Would you protect a family member from being used.
You are a member of your own family. It is now ok for you to protect yourself from being used.
We're you even in love with a woman before?
Then you know feelings come and go.
If you can reach down through your fear of hurting others you will realize
that you are the start of your own family
and your family is you
you need to be protected. And being protected is making good decisions.
She did not make good decisions, and instead blatantly uses you
I've been there and I comes down to this
one person in this relationship will give with all their heart
the other THREE will take everything they can get for as long as they can, and even be mean and non cooperation Al with the other person.
go ring you self someone worth you. Your a good man. Man. You don't have to sacrifice your life to the potentially (THROUGH THEIR OWN DECISION) downtrodden to do it.
Will you protect yourself and your future from sweet but dangerous people?
My first almost wife was a sweet librarian who wanted me to fail at every new job and endeavor that scared her because she thought if I hit success, I might leave her.
She was sweet but my life could not progress. All the while I pushed her through school and got a heart attack.
I was being crushed emotionally
my soft heart was killing me
it was after my second heart attack that I finally accepted realized this relationship was
detrimental and un
Can
Last edited by Arrownight; 01-09-2015 at 05:31 PM..
Sorry, typing this from my non smart smart phone and hit send because i am afraid to lose this because the screen keeps resetting
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