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I don't know what to say. Most FWBs/FBs seem to come from people I date, but it didn't work out on a relationship level, but our sex was good and we go along well / had fun together, or exes where we reconnected sexually after breaking up; or even with OLD it isnt all that uncommon to go on a couple of dates and have the lady say something along the lines of "I don't see a relationship happening, but we could have some fun". So I guess I would say look to the women you dated and slept with that you're still hanging out with / friends with. There aren't too many sexual single women that aren't sleeping with at least one person, you might as well be one of them.
That whole FWB thing is rarely of any real benefit to a woman (or man) who regards sex as more than just a casual act. I will admit, my attitude towards sex was pretty lax in the past, and as a result, I wasted alot of time (mine and other's) and got sidetracked by many dead-end pseudo-relationships.. Created alot of unnecessary chaos and confusion. Not to mention, the pain I have caused and also endured.... So, I no longer invest nor exchange my sacred & loving sexual energy with the unworthy masses and lesser beings, lol. Doing a mental, physical, spiritual womb, heart & soul cleanse ~ 9 months celibate, and maintaining my discipline! Having the time + space to actually do so is the real blessing.
So based on the one bad relationship experience that you mentioned in your previous post, you've become bitter and jaded and decided that whenever ANY relationship doesn't work out it's always the woman's fault and the only thing to do is jump from cow to cow?
No, I don't think it's always the woman's fault. I simply said, I'm not going to play anymore and get burned.
Bitter and jaded? Probably. Don't care. Sorry not sorry.
Your post made me giggle. You actually blame your poor behavior on other people. When someone's as hollow as you, it's no wonder you couldn't find anyone to stay with you. You're devoid of character - you were only being "a good man" as long as you thought it would get you what you wanted, not because you actually WERE a good man.
I've never had a problem "finding someone to stay."
If you had read my post, instead of getting huffy, you would have inferred that I give them the boot when they catch feelings.
Call me names like hollow or whatever...don't care. My approach now is perfectly suited to the modern dating realities, again, that women have created.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by D217
That whole FWB thing is rarely of any real benefit to a woman (or man) who regards sex as more than just a casual act. I will admit, my attitude towards sex was pretty lax in the past, and as a result, I wasted alot of time (mine and other's) and got sidetracked by many dead-end pseudo-relationships.. Created alot of unnecessary chaos and confusion. Not to mention, the pain I have caused and also endured.... So, I no longer invest nor exchange my sacred & loving sexual energy with the unworthy masses and lesser beings, lol. Doing a mental, physical, spiritual womb, heart & soul cleanse ~ 9 months celibate, and maintaining my discipline! Having the time + space to actually do so is the real blessing.
couldn't of said it better FWB rarely exceed its purpose. And feelings usually evolve overtime regardless what anyone thinks or says. Been there, done that. Not anymore.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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The thing about FWBs (this i s of course person dependent) is that yes, there are some feelings, I mean, you're doing it with a friend (a FWB is not a FB) so of course you care about them, but it is different from romantic love.
They allow you to date and meet people without having horniness as the main driver of that. FWBs help, I believe, a lot of people to avoid jumping into relationships based on the physical, or having a large number of hook ups to deal with the physical. They have a safe, friend and lover while they navigate the dating field, or, for when they want to take time off of dating all together. The longest FWB situation I've had was 8 years, we both dated others during that time (when we were in committed things with others we didn't have sex), but it was a great thing for us. We've been off for three years now and are still great friends.
The thing about FWBs (this i s of course person dependent) is that yes, there are some feelings, I mean, you're doing it with a friend (a FWB is not a FB) so of course you care about them, but it is different from romantic love.
They allow you to date and meet people without having horniness as the main driver of that. FWBs help, I believe, a lot of people to avoid jumping into relationships based on the physical, or having a large number of hook ups to deal with the physical. They have a safe, friend and lover while they navigate the dating field, or, for when they want to take time off of dating all together. The longest FWB situation I've had was 8 years, we both dated others during that time (when we were in committed things with others we didn't have sex), but it was a great thing for us. We've been off for three years now and are still great friends.
Its really depends on the person.
The most practical FWB situation I had was with an ex of mine who was very important to me. But what we realized was that the passion had died and we'd grown apart significantly in terms of values and morals, and that ended up kind of tanking the friendship too. It became an uncomfortable situation, and we don't talk anymore.
He was what I would describe as a "water spirit" - he changed to fit whatever his container was. When he was with me, he was happy to subscribe to my views and values, even if we didn't agree on everything, but when we broke up and he moved to another area, he immediately adopted the views of those around him.
I had another GREAT FWB situation (great sex, fun times), but the guy fell in love with me. I'd been clear that I wasn't feeling that, even if I liked spending time with him and having sex with him. I was never going to feel that for him. Even though he'd talked a good game about keeping things low-key, he tried to ease me into a full-blown relationship, and I had to end it. He was kind and attractive, and we had so much fun together, but he was just this endless pit of need edged with self-loathing. If I'd known about how screwed up he was emotionally right off the bat, I would NEVER have done the FWB thing with him.
I dunno. My feeling about FWB these days is that I'm open to it, but it would have to be such a perfect situation that it's unlikely to happen. Ending that last FWB situation was more painful than the breakups of my last few bona fide relationships, just because I felt awful about how I'd let it get out of hand.
The most practical FWB situation I had was with an ex of mine who was very important to me. But what we realized was that the passion had died and we'd grown apart significantly in terms of values and morals, and that ended up kind of tanking the friendship too. It became an uncomfortable situation, and we don't talk anymore.
He was what I would describe as a "water spirit" - he changed to fit whatever his container was. When he was with me, he was happy to subscribe to my views and values, even if we didn't agree on everything, but when we broke up and he moved to another area, he immediately adopted the views of those around him.
I had another GREAT FWB situation (great sex, fun times), but the guy fell in love with me. I'd been clear that I wasn't feeling that, even if I liked spending time with him and having sex with him. I was never going to feel that for him. Even though he'd talked a good game about keeping things low-key, he tried to ease me into a full-blown relationship, and I had to end it. He was kind and attractive, and we had so much fun together, but he was just this endless pit of need edged with self-loathing. If I'd known about how screwed up he was emotionally right off the bat, I would NEVER have done the FWB thing with him.
I dunno. My feeling about FWB these days is that I'm open to it, but it would have to be such a perfect situation that it's unlikely to happen. Ending that last FWB situation was more painful than the breakups of my last few bona fide relationships, just because I felt awful about how I'd let it get out of hand.
I wouldn't so much say that you let it get out of hand, but your last FWB was likely someone you actually would have dated if you would have met them during a different time in your life. In my experience, my FWBs were typically with women I knew that I would never want to be involved with romantically. In the end, I tended to always end up in situations where they started to really care about me, while I just wanted to sleep with them. I cared about them, but it was more for sexual gratification and not on a deeper, emotional level. The arrangement always tended to end on a negative note, because they were seeking emotional gratification from a person only willing to give sexual gratification.
You had what I like to call the perfect storm FWB. This is a person you would date in any other time in your life, but at this one particular moment, you're just not ready to date. Sometimes you have to cool your jets on different activities in your life, because they are taking you away from what you really want.
I wouldn't so much say that you let it get out of hand, but your last FWB was likely someone you actually would have dated if you would have met them during a different time in your life. In my experience, my FWBs were typically with women I knew that I would never want to be involved with romantically. In the end, I tended to always end up in situations where they started to really care about me, while I just wanted to sleep with them. I cared about them, but it was more for sexual gratification and not on a deeper, emotional level. The arrangement always tended to end on a negative note, because they were seeking emotional gratification from a person only willing to give sexual gratification.
You had what I like to call the perfect storm FWB. This is a person you would date in any other time in your life, but at this one particular moment, you're just not ready to date. Sometimes you have to cool your jets on different activities in your life, because they are taking you away from what you really want.
See, this is exactly how FWB situations are designed to screw women over. Now, I'm not all feminazi or anything, but that deeper emotional nature of both men & women is what makes for truly great sex. People who know that will not settle for less than the best. Sure, women screw themselves by givin it up freely without commitment, we forfeit respect in that sense for minimal attention and half-assed affection. It goes both ways, but at the end of the day, it's still just a selfish way to use people til "someone better" comes along. In the words of MC Lyte: "I'm not havin' it"
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by D217
See, this is exactly how FWB situations are designed to screw women over. Now, I'm not all feminazi or anything, but that deeper emotional nature of both men & women is what makes for truly great sex. People who know that will not settle for less than the best. Sure, women screw themselves by givin it up freely without commitment, we forfeit respect in that sense for minimal attention and half-assed affection. It goes both ways, but at the end of the day, it's still just a selfish way to use people til "someone better" comes along. In the words of MC Lyte: "I'm not having it"
How are they designed to screw women over? Women also do them with men they don't want to date. It's only a problem if the two people aren't on the same page.
No one is saying that an emotional attachment doesn't make for better sex (it certainly does for me), but that isn't always an option.
There is nothing wrong with two adults enjoying some sexy times together when they're on the same page and want the same thing; I've found that is usually the case. If it isn't the FWB situations don't last.
And I have no idea what "givin it up freely" is about. Are people supposed to pay for sex? And what is the respect thing? Who doesn't respect their friends? Most of the time I see FWBs discussed on this board it seems people mix up FWBs and FBs. They are not the same at all.
People have this notion that if you're in a FWB with a person that is is somehow preventing you from dating, falling in love, and making an emotional connection and finding what so many of us are looking for (the entire package). I've never seen ANYTHING to indicate that is the case.
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FWB rarely exceed its purpose. And feelings usually evolve overtime regardless what anyone thinks or says. Been there, done that. Not anymore.
