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I find it very interesting that I'm being told that I'm stifling him, molding him, offending him, or turning him off, but apparently if something might be offensive to me or turn me off, it sure doesn't seem to matter.
If the tables were turned, if a guy posted on here that his girlfriend didn't like the way he teased her, how many of you would tell him to quit doing something she didn't like, and how many of you would tell him to just dump her?
But he hasn't done anything yet, so this is irrelevant. That is the point people are trying to make. By curbing his playfulness you are telling him you don't like part of him. If that is a big part of his nature, this relationship will end.
I haven't given examples because the written word does not always convey context, tone of voice, intent, facial expression, etc. I'm sure examples I could give people would think were perfectly fine, but if you don't hear the way it's said then you just don't know.
Here are two examples: We were talking about good local restaurants (I'm new here) and I mentioned that I don't usually go out for Italian because I can make it at home (my family is Sicilian). He responded "Well, someone thinks they're awfully special."
I also mentioned that I like hockey, but I haven't had a chance to go see the local team since. His response was that I couldn't be a real hockey fan since I haven't seen them yet. When I started to say I've been busy with school, family, etc. he's saying - over me - "Nope. Nope. Sorry. Nope. Not a real fan" and laughing.
I don't find this kind of stuff amusing, endearing, or kind.
He is teasing you, nothing more, and you seem to be over-sensitive to the point of distraction. If you seriously can't tell the difference between these two examples of being playful and you think he is being mean, then you might need to work on growing some thicker skin.
Last edited by convextech; 01-12-2015 at 01:30 PM..
Op, forget everything being said here.
If it's your preference to always be treated like a precious flower with no potential barbs at your ego, that is ENTIRELY your choice and it's totally fine to have that as your choice.
What I think most of us are saying is that while it is totally cool that is your preference, it's not really fair to make someone else have to do that if it's not in their nature.
There are other serious people out there who wouldn't submit you to that kind of stuff. You're better off finding one of those people than stifling a naturally laid-back, bantery guy.
Remember, the point of dating is to see if you're a match. Not to see what you can put up with and see what you think you can fix. You buy people as is. Not as some fixer-upper job.
Good to know all of you are perfect specimens of life that need no change or accommodation. As for me, I have changed a great deal over the years, all for the better. I believe in compromise and working together as a couple, none of this "Accept me exactly as I am or you're a douche!" BS. I'm not perfect, and I know it.
For what it's worth, in the OP I never asked for opinions on if I was right or wrong, or for people to critique me. I asked for advice on making myself more clear. My guy and I talked, we both understand where each of us are coming from, and that's all that matters to me.
Good to know all of you are perfect specimens of life that need no change or accommodation. As for me, I have changed a great deal over the years, all for the better. I believe in compromise and working together as a couple, none of this "Accept me exactly as I am or you're a douche!" BS. I'm not perfect, and I know it.
For what it's worth, in the OP I never asked for opinions on if I was right or wrong, or for people to critique me. I asked for advice on making myself more clear. My guy and I talked, we both understand where each of us are coming from, and that's all that matters to me.
Um, that is my whole point.
No one is perfect.
It is not your job to say, "You could be perfect except for this this and this. I improved myself, so it is the least you can do to accommodate my demands."
I dated someone who asked me to turn off my goofy side.
I did...it got old 4 months in. By 6 months, I was avoiding her to hang out with my friends. 8 months I was out.
Didn't need to be chastised by mommy for just being myself.
I found plenty of other great fish in the sea who LIKED being silly and goofy with me and can just love me including my flaws. I married one...who texted me this morning that she made me a sandwich and do I want it on a plate or just throw it on the floor?
Accepting people for who they are does not mean putting up with rudeness, abuse, etc. it means you realize that loving 80% of everything they are is great bc 100% ain't never gonna happen.
You do not have to be perfect, but no one else has to be, either.
Um, that is my whole point.
No one is perfect.
It is not your job to say, "You could be perfect except for this this and this. I improved myself, so it is the least you can do to accommodate my demands."
I dated someone who asked me to turn off my goofy side.
I did...it got old 4 months in. By 6 months, I was avoiding her to hang out with my friends. 8 months I was out.
Didn't need to be chastised by mommy for just being myself.
I found plenty of other great fish in the sea who LIKED being silly and goofy with me and can just love me including my flaws. I married one...who texted me this morning that she made me a sandwich and do I want it on a plate or just throw it on the floor?
Accepting people for who they are does not mean putting up with rudeness, abuse, etc. it means you realize that loving 80% of everything they are is great bc 100% ain't never gonna happen.
You do not have to be perfect, but no one else has to be, either.
My hubby plays video games...he got a game recently and at first he had a habit of driving off cliffs. Today I came home from work and he said, "You should see what I did in the game." I quiped back with 'Drive off a cliff?" (Which to be honest, he has stopped doing for the most part.) He laughed....it's become one of our tropes.....You s've done something good...you can be asked if you drove off a cliff. Then we celebrate/congratulate the good thing that actually happened.
I honestly can't imagine having to hold back such a large part of my personality because someone is just so overly senstive and doesn't even admit it.. Long term this is just not sustainable.
It's not that everyone here is perfect, OP. It's just that, while your SO at the moment is understanding your limits with this, it's most likely going to turn him off in the long run. Especially having a conversation that has a "being reprimanded" feel to it, so early on.
This kind of banter, for most couples, keeps things fresh, and even sexy. You're certainly in your right to not want that, but I think it would mean this guy isn't for you.
Last edited by introspectguy; 01-12-2015 at 08:22 PM..
If someone got on here posting about their girlfriend telling them they had anger issues because he yells and throws things, you would be telling him to get himself to anger management therapy and change his behavior. If someone posted that they couldn't get a date because they were overweight, you'd tell them to get to the gym and lose some weight. There are endless posts on here telling the "bitter guys" how to improve themselves, improve their behavior, act differently. But god forbid someone doesn't like to be teased, well, clearly that person has ridiculous expectations and could never, ever hope to be treated in a kind, respectful manner and should just learn to suck it up and put their preferences aside. Ridiculous.
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