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Before you even met her son she was already talking marriage and adoption...Weird.
That's the weirdest thing about the entire post to me too. Looks like she just wants a father for her child and nothing more -- or some financial security with a Chinese man who has a PhD. I'd forget about it. Find someone else.
That's the weirdest thing about the entire post to me too. Looks like she just wants a father for her child and nothing more -- or some financial security with a Chinese man who has a PhD. I'd forget about it. Find someone else.
or in lust. He already made up his mind. He is asking advise on how-to handle inter-racial stepson.
All i can say is 'best of luck' to him. He NEEDs IT.
Still weird..Two years, engaged and haven't even met her son?
Yeah, I think that's weird too. My SO, I met her kid within 3 weeks of us meeting for the first time in person. I know that might be fast for some, but 2 years is absurd. I think 2 MONTHS would be pushing it...
I like kids and have never had any issues with any of the kids of women I have dated. Me personally, I would probably not adopt them, because you never know what will happen down the road, and you are personally and financially responsible for them if you adopt them no matter what.
OP, why would you post this if you've been dating (and thinking of marrying) a single mom for the past two years? Did you make up the story in this post or where you blowing smoke in the one IfICould posted above?
Assuming this one is the truth and you were just having an off day or something in the above post, it's weird that any mom would talk adoption before you even met the child... and marriage. Something is off and I wouldn't recommend marrying her until you figure out the whole story because something isn't adding up.
Hi:
I am facing a dilemma here, I just met my girlfriend's 5 year old son today and the encounter didn't go well. Not only he neglected me and gave me cold stares, he also refused to accept the gift I brought for him ( Starwar Lego) I understand it is hard for a kid to accpet a stranger instantly, especially I look very different than him and his mom ( I am Chinese and his biological father is black, my girlfriend is white). His father is no longer in the picture and my girlfriend asked me few times to adopt her son if we get married so that the kid can have a postive father figure. I am in my late twenties,never married before, just completed my PHD in chemistry and currently work for a pharmaceutical company. I admit that I am not very good in communication with kids and certainly don't want any drama in my future family life.
Can anyone here give me some advice on this? Has anyone here married or dated single mom with children that are racially different than yours before? How do you handling this " you are not my daddy" issue?
Thanks in advance.
well for one, it takes time, a long time, and its hard work, any relationship is....but a kid, he is afraid of you, afraid of liking you, and afraid of his mom liking you...
What did he see in his past? Doesn't matter if his father is no longer in the picture, maybe he fears being disloyal to someone else by liking you or maybe he just doesn't like you right now....
You don't want drama in your family life, whenever there are two or more people who are friends, companions there is always drama, and adding kids to that, doubles the drama, kids are a huge responsiblility, and it's your job to understand that ROME was not built in a day....maybe he is trying in his own way to protect his mom, you have no idea what is going on in that poor child's head....he sounds afraid to me. Take the time to do things together, a lot....take him to fun kids things....give him something to look forward to, and never ever make a promise to do something and then break it....ever!
It isn't hard to bond with a child, you just have to be child yourself....plus, the culture is very different, so, your not going to understand....I would if I were you, read some books on children and parenting...
I would also, make certain, you and this woman have a future, b/c you know who will hurt the most if you don't make it together? The child.
Hi:
I am facing a dilemma here, I just met my girlfriend's 5 year old son today and the encounter didn't go well. Not only he neglected me and gave me cold stares, he also refused to accept the gift I brought for him ( Starwar Lego) I understand it is hard for a kid to accpet a stranger instantly, especially I look very different than him and his mom ( I am Chinese and his biological father is black, my girlfriend is white). His father is no longer in the picture and my girlfriend asked me few times to adopt her son if we get married so that the kid can have a postive father figure. I am in my late twenties,never married before, just completed my PHD in chemistry and currently work for a pharmaceutical company. I admit that I am not very good in communication with kids and certainly don't want any drama in my future family life.
Can anyone here give me some advice on this? Has anyone here married or dated single mom with children that are racially different than yours before? How do you handling this " you are not my daddy" issue?
Thanks in advance.
Your girlfriend has asked you to adopt her son and you only just met him? I don't see this ending well for the poor kid, or you, for that matter.
Thank, I love my girfriend to the point I have to cut off my relation with my parents and some of my closest friends. I know it is very diffcult for a single mom to be accepted in Chinese society. My girlfriend doesn't work now so she has no problem moving to Beijing with me, I am worring about her kid, most likely he will not be welcomed by his peers in China, most chinese look down at illegitimate kid and it is obvious that I am not the kid's biological father. ( kid is very dark ) i am afraid he will project his resentment on me and my gilrfriend. I don't know what else I can do... I may tell people that we adopted the kid from South Ameria to aviod the humiliation.
That is even more disgusting. So now you are prepared to lie to make this poor kid's life better? How pretty for you, all wrapped up in a bow.
Get your head out, sir. She is using you as a babydaddy, and this will hurt her son immeasurably if you were to adopt him and take him to Beijing.
OP, if you think the kid hates you now, just wait until you move him to a country where he doesn't understand the culture, can't speak the language and will likely experience discrimination because he's black. Your own family isn't even talking to you, how do you think a billion strangers will react to this kid?
OP, why would you post this if you've been dating (and thinking of marrying) a single mom for the past two years? Did you make up the story in this post or where you blowing smoke in the one IfICould posted above?
Assuming this one is the truth and you were just having an off day or something in the above post, it's weird that any mom would talk adoption before you even met the child... and marriage. Something is off and I wouldn't recommend marrying her until you figure out the whole story because something isn't adding up.
Thank you for linking that correctly. I couldn't figure out how to. I figured, If people are interested enough, they could copy and paste I guess :P
I think this dude is lying about this story. His opinions have changed between his other posts and even throughout this one thread.
And I'm even saying it's semi-normal not to have met the kid for a Long time. I think it's only ok to meet someone's kid after you are serious and intend to be a long term fixture in the parent's and kid's life. NOT that this makes you their parent, but an adult who's often around. Otherwise it's confusing to the child to see all these random people come and go. BUT if you're serious with someone for 2 years and never met their kid. Reaaaally weird. Honestly I think the way this kid is being thought about and treated is pretty crappy. He's a kid who's father isn't in his life.. who's fault is that?? NOT the child. The father for being a bad father and the mother (who the op claims to love) for choosing a bad person to have a child with.
If the op's story is even real, which I'm really starting to doubt, he is not this kids parent and never will be. He may love the mother but sees the kid as one of her flaws that he's willing to bear, but is trying to think of ways he can make it easier on himself, like claiming the kid is adopted and buying him stuff. He has no positive feelings at all for the kid. Terrible. The mother is the worst, though. She needs to focus on being a good mother, not finding a sugar daddy.
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OP is 'in love'
