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I think this is an interesting take on this question just because typically its the man who's the one who's supposed to be the motivated one, the provider, etc.
I see what you mean but take for example my sister. She just recently lost a seasonal job knowing that it would be seasonal. She didn't do anything to prepare for it. She has 2 kids and a working husband. Now she is out of a job and isn't lifting a finger to pursue employment. Her husband is clearly not saying anything and sooner or later, they will start to feel it.
Snappy responses aren't helpful generally. That could be a problem. But it was a direct, no nonsense answer to the question.
What is there to elaborate on? A work relationship isn't the same as a romantic relationship which isn't the same as a platonic friendship. How to support, motivate, and communicate in these different relationship are as fundamentally different as the relationship itself. Drawing analogies between a romantic partnership and a chain of command superior-underling relationship is just a draw droppingly bad idea. I have no idea why you would even think to approach it this way.
Ok timberline742, I am not going to go round in circles with you. I accept your response.
This article just makes no sense. Perhaps the specific word used to shame each gender is different but why would anyone assume a man should be okay dating a loser? Tell me the last time a guy was congratulated for dating a woman on welfare with three kids.
Anyone who's attempted to get into my face and "let me have it" who wasn't my dad, has met a buddy of mine. His name is Frank, the ****** up folding chair. Frank has met some interesting faces in his time, but no one's dumb enough to give me a reason to introduce him anymore, so he's forced into early retirement.
I'm actually pretty happy that I haven't had to use that thing.
A relationship with a spouse or romantic partner (or sibling) is a fundamentally different relationship than one with a subordinate at one's place of employment. Interactions should be tailored in such a way that they are most appropriate given the nature of the relationship, as well as the individuals involved. A one-size-fits-all approach really doesn't work well in human interaction.
My husband is a military training instructor. I do not anticipate that he would interact with me in ways similar to how he interacts with his recruits. Likewise, I am a special education teacher. How I interact with disabled children is significantly different than how I would interact with my spouse.
A spouse is not a subordinate, and one's relationship with a spouse (or one's relationship with a sibling, come to that) exists within a completely different context than one's professional relationship with employees (or clients, students, troops, what have you) that one is tasked with overseeing/commanding/supervising. A work environment is not a family environment, and vice versa.
Romantic relationships are not work relationships. If someone gets a promotion at work, it would probably be deemed inappropriate to congratulate them with a big kiss and some awesome sex. Likewise, treating your partner like your coworker or subordinate probably isn't going to get you anywhere either.
And there is no singular right way to deal with your partner. Everyone is different and responds to different things. And every situation is different.
It's impossible to give you guidance for a hypothetical relationship. These are things you need to learn about with the person you have a relationship with.
People are different. Some respond well to tough love, others break down and wilt, and still others lash back. Some respond well to a more gentle approach while others don't.
And every relationship is unique as well. Work relationships, platonic relationships, familial relationships and romantic relationships are all different. What's considered appropriate or inappropriate may depend on the type of relationship. And furthermore...a professional relationship with colleague A is likely going to be a bit different from a professional relationship with colleague B while still staying under the umbrella of professionalism. Any good leader knows how to be flexible and adaptable with different people and situations. Same goes for friends, etc.
I think that in many happy romantic relationships, the couple generally sees and treats each other as equals. That said, the interpretation and application of "equals" can vary from couple to couple.
Applying a "one size fits all" approach to interpersonal interactions is unwise and is asking for trouble. Any well-rounded person with decent people skills and some varied life experiences probably understands that.
I see what all of you are saying and my mistake for trying to compare relationships. I think the comparison messed people up. Stick with me now.
See on paper, it's often painted a picture of subtlety, soft hand, etc. But in real life, it's bitter arguments, show throwing, clothes burning, car keying, divorce at all time highs and domestic abuse cases.
So essentially I can't wrap my head around the difference between what's written paper vs what happens in reality. We can withstand heated disagreements knowing you would make up.
So my main point is what is the difference in using some rather tough love verbal approach to get them to straighten their act? Forget about superior vs subordinate. If your wife or husband is not pulling his or her weight and the house is about to go under, are you going to take the soft hand "baby please get a job" or dig in her or his arse and tell them to wake up. Forget about the psychology or counseling approach. They are fine but just turned lazy.
Get away from the dynamics for a moment cause I think it confused people.
I see what all of you are saying and my mistake for trying to compare relationships. I think the comparison messed people up. Stick with me now.
See on paper, it's often painted a picture of subtlety, soft hand, etc. But in real life, it's bitter arguments, show throwing, clothes burning, car keying, divorce at all time highs and domestic abuse cases.
So essentially I can't wrap my head around the difference between what's written paper vs what happens in reality. We can withstand heated disagreements knowing you would make up.
So my main point is what is the difference in using some rather tough love verbal approach to get them to straighten their act? Forget about superior vs subordinate. If your wife or husband is not pulling his or her weight and the house is about to go under, are you going to take the soft hand "baby please get a job" or dig in her or his arse and tell them to wake up. Forget about the psychology or counseling approach. They are fine but just turned lazy.
Get away from the dynamics for a moment cause I think it confused people.
Have you been married before? Have you had a few long term relationships? Surely you understand that everyone is different - right? Some people respond well to tough love and others crumple under it. And every situation is different as well. Like I said before, there is no singular answer to your question.
And in real life - there are couples that support each other lovingly as well as couples who key the other's car. Things aren't black and white.
Just an SO I've been dating for a few months? I'd probably just bail on the relationship.
Someone I'd been with for years? I'd have a sit-down and ask him what's going on, and try to get him to talk about his problems. If he didn't work on them, I'd eventually leave.
Husband? I'd stick around longer than I would an LTR, but would probably still leave if he didn't get his act together.
Husband and we had kids together? He'd be reminded in no uncertain terms that his actions affect people who rely on him and cannot support themselves.
Through all of that, however, the fact would remain that I am not the boss of an SO, I don't get to dictate what he does in his life, and vice versa. I can try to help, I can offer support, I can tell him if and how his actions affect me, and I can choose to leave him if his actions hurt me or I lose respect for him. But that's about it.
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