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He has three children from a previous marriage who live in another state......... .........His children live in another state and I thought that he was happiest living here even if that means not seeing his children as often. But then he asked me how would I feel about moving up there.
Let me get this straight. Your boyfriend has children who live in another state and he is able to move to that state to be near his children always? And he hasn't chosen to do that yet?!?!??!?
I would think long and hard about having a child with someone who chooses his "happiness" over the happiness of children who could have constant contact with an actively involved parent.
I would have to definitely talk with a doctor about harvesting eggs.
Yeah, that's a topic I'm trying to figure out- if he'd want another kid anyway, without me asking.
And he doesn't have family where his kids are, and he needed familial support after the breakup and all.
Also, to clarify, my mom has tested positive for BRCA, so I have a 50/50 chance of having it, plus she and her sister, their aunt, and a cousin have all had breast cancer.
Thanks so much for all the insight!
Last edited by t1nkerbell24; 01-13-2015 at 03:11 PM..
Reason: Clarification
Just because it can be done doesnt mean it should deliberately be done. The chances of the baby having complications and developmental problems increases the older the mother is at birth. I wouldnt wait until past 35 to have my first born if I could help it. Sure I might be fine, but my priority is with the well being of the child. Fertility issues may also become a problem with many women waiting so long.
Oh my! ....tests can be done...the odds do go up with a woman's age (as they do with the man's age!) but it is nothing even approaching 10%! For Down Syndrome, for example:
At age 30, for example, a woman has about a 1 in 1,000 chance of conceiving a child with DS. Those odds increase to about 1 in 400 by age 35.
As if if takes 5 years to get pregnant! I'd be more concerned about the BF getting the vasectomy reversed. And just because she's been advised it might be best to have surgery by 35, she doesn't HAVE to (a second opinion might be in order) and could in any case have eggs frozen.....there are MANY possibilities rather than getting in a dither to get pregnant with the man she happens to be with at the moment of hearing her dire news.
Is OP also getting a double mastectomy? I thought that went with the cancer prevention (that gene runs in my family also). By the way, in men, it's associated with pancreatic/liver cancer. A bad thing to have, a bad thing to pass on, IMO.
And he doesn't have family where his kids are, and he needed familial support after the breakup and all.
Are you saying he still needs his family support as he still isn't over the breakup? Yet, he's in a relationship with you and contemplating more children?
Or he's over the breakup, and just chooses his happiness over being near to his children?
Getting a preventative mastectomy I'm sure will be discussed with doctors; I was at the ob/gyn for a check-up when the tubes were talked about. And he has been over the breakup; he needed family for not so much getting over her, but the whole experience (among getting out of the military, probably financial reasons, etc.); it's not like he is just back on his feet- it's been a little while, and I have helped him with having hope again, etc. Please don't be so quick to judge if you haven't been in the situation. He's waiting for his ex to settle, closer to a large city, since she has been living with family and just got a job. Not an easy situation for anyone involved, really.
Last edited by t1nkerbell24; 01-15-2015 at 04:20 AM..
Reason: Spelling
Youd have a short amount of time regardless of risk for cancer. Women only have until mid-thirties, preferably, to safely have children. After 30, Ive read the risk of the child developing autism increases along with other developmental problems. On top of that, do you prefer to be 40 years older than your first born child? I dont. Some do. To each their own.
Im 30 now and turning 31 in June. Im in a complete panic mode that my time is running out and I dont even have marriageable prospect for a bouffiend, much less husband/father to my future children. Ive always envied how men can dick around and play their entire lives because they have no biological impetus to marry and build a safe nest by a certain time.
Whatever you choose to do, good luck with it.
WTF???
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