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He's not looking to date (what you mean is sleep with, not date) multiple people. He's looking for a relationship.
I hope that someday you can understand why he might want that.
Sleeping with a bunch of people is freaking easy compared with having one real relationship with a person that you care about (and vice versa).
Yeah, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.
It's not the same as having a relationship. I don't care about sleeping around. I had enough fun in my early and mid-20s. I want to settle down and eventually start a family.
Wait, wait, whoa. You slept with her on the 3rd date, and then didn't contact her afterwards? That is a HUGE faux pas! She may well have concluded, when she didn't hear from you the next day, nor the next (until late evening), that you're one of those guys who, when he gets what he wants, puts another notch on his belt and moves on. You do NOT f*** a woman, then disappear!
Fleur, tell me you're not THIS clueless! Please!
It's your overthinking that's getting in the way in these situations.
Also, explain to me please, how contacting a woman the day after a date to thank her or say you had a great time, is being clingy? Do you understand the difference between Jillabean's situations, where guys she hardly knows blow up her phone with messages and texts, vs. your texting or calling once to let your date know you had a great time? I know you're smart, so you should be able to see the difference in those 2 scenarios, but you don't seem to. Why is that? That's not normal, to not be able to distinguish between those two extremes.
Well, it's the perception that I picked up here, as well as other places; that a guy who is all over her after sex is clingy. It's not only from Jillabean's posts. I've heard and read it elsewhere as well. "OMG, I slept with this guy and now he's hitting me up!" Sorry, but it's the ladies who complain about this that set the precedence. If you think for one moment that I don't want to contact a girl daily whom I'm really into, then you're sorely mistaken my friend.
People tell me if I do this, I'm ****ed. People tell me if I do that, I'm ****ed. Damn I wish there was a set of official rules, then this thing wouldn't be so darn difficult to interpret. Instead, I have different people telling me in either ear what to do and what not to do, and often times, it's conflicting information. I'm trying to do the right thing as to not to scare this woman off. F*** me, right?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
Well, it's the perception that I picked up here, as well as other places; that a guy who is all over her after sex is clingy. It's not only from Jillabean's posts. I've heard and read it elsewhere as well. "OMG, I slept with this guy and now he's hitting me up!" Sorry, but it's the ladies who complain about this that set the precedence. If you think for one moment that I don't want to contact a girl daily whom I'm really into, then you're sorely mistaken my friend.
People tell me if I do this, I'm ****ed. People tell me if I do that, I'm ****ed. Damn I wish there was a set of official rules, then this thing wouldn't be so darn difficult to interpret. Instead, I have different people telling me in either ear what to do and what not to do, and often times, it's conflicting information. I'm trying to do the right thing as to not to scare this woman off. F*** me, right?
Its about being in between extremes. Official rules don't exist because you and I are different, and every woman is different. It is about being yourself (shouldn't be hard) and then tempering your actions based on the verbal and non verbal feedback you're getting with each individual person. It can be challenging, sure, and if it is too challenging it wasn't a good match and you move on. You just seem to take things to extremes and want people to be the same and expect the same. That's not real (and it would be boring if it were).
Well, it's the perception that I picked up here, as well as other places; that a guy who is all over her after sex is clingy. It's not only from Jillabean's posts. I've heard and read it elsewhere as well. "OMG, I slept with this guy and now he's hitting me up!" Sorry, but it's the ladies who complain about this that set the precedence. If you think for one moment that I don't want to contact a girl daily whom I'm really into, then you're sorely mistaken my friend.
People tell me if I do this, I'm ****ed. People tell me if I do that, I'm ****ed. Damn I wish there was a set of official rules, then this thing wouldn't be so darn difficult to interpret. Instead, I have different people telling me in either ear what to do and what not to do, and often times, it's conflicting information. I'm trying to do the right thing as to not to scare this woman off. F*** me, right?
Why are you dependent on rules and on what other people say? Are you not able to discern on your own what is appropriate when, and what types of interactions (SEX, for god's sake!) require some delicacy and thoughtfulness afterwards, more than other types of interactions?
Why are you perceiving giving one phone call or sending 1 text, after a date that involved sex, as being "all over her"? That is not normal. Why would a single communication, after a fairly momentous event, no less, be considered "being all over her"? That's the explanation I need. Why is your mind making that connection?
Fleur, you're starting to come across like someone with very mild autism, or something; someone who's missing some very basic understanding about human nature and how men and women relate. I'm not being snarky, I'm serious. This is unusual. It must be related to whatever it is in you that causes the overthinking. There's a mental issue, here.
And btw, you're not officially off the dating market, because you'd already set a date with her for the weekend before you even posted here. So for some reason, you're dramatizing. (That's the polite word, in this instance, for "lying".) Try to relax and enjoy the date on the weekend. And for heaven's sake, give her a phone call to chat, like a normal person would, after a woman just surrendered her body to him.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-14-2015 at 01:12 PM..
Check what you are buying prior to the sale. It appears you purchased a ticket to a dinner theater instead of a romantic dinner. Sometimes the product cannot be identified and is not refundable. Life does have risks. In future when there are unknowns downgrade dinner to a stop at the hotdog stand.
Seconded. I can get it whenever I want, but when it comes to relationships, its hard to get in one. Heck, either it's me, or it's her. Looks are fluid for me, it's just the compatibilit...
What's happened to me?
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