Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.
.... Oh, have dabbled with the concept now & then over the last 12 years, meeting some decent people, two of whom remain friends & never more than, have even seen it work a time or two in a thousand... though the skinny of my estimation is this: Run, don't walk, from the internet when it comes to dating.
.... In real life- We meet someone, perhaps cross paths in a place like a laundry, supermarket, social club of some kind, & there may be attractions... their appearance, what they say, the sound of their voice, a subtle gesture, the way they carry themselves or are dressed... & then we proceed to break the ice & possibly get to know each other.
.... Online- One can be whomever they wish to present themselves to be, whether they are honest & sincere or perhaps even being outright deceiving while "becoming" just what the other has stated they are looking for in a companion. Totally backwards from real life.
.... Reminds me of a great little poem, received untitled & unsigned almost 4 decades ago...
............It chanced upon a winter night, ............Safe, sheltered from the weather, ............The table was spread for only one ............But four men dined together.
............There sat the man I meant to be, ............Glory spurned and booted, ............And close beside him, to the right, ............The man I am reputed.
............The man I think myself to be ............A seat was occupying. ............Near by, the man I really am ............Who, to hold his own, was trying.
............Beneath one roof we sat. ............None called his fellow brother. ............No sign of recognition passed. ............They knew not one another.
.... ...point being- No matter how sincerely & honestly we post about ourselves, there yet remains the person we strive to be, the person we are said to be, the person we think we are &, finally, the person we really are... often 4 folks who don't know each other.
.... Look through a site's profiles & take note, in the person's written words about themselves & what they are looking for, how so very many will begin virtually each & every sentence with "I"! That should be a clue, people.
.... Had simply gotten weary of doing it all backwards, for in real life a person meets another in the flesh & for whatever reason or reasons are attracted to each other & THEN they begin to get to know one another. Besides, personally speaking, within a month I always began to feel like a shrunk-wrapped, plucked chicken in a grocer's meat case while having my profile for online dating. No mo.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------......................--------(that'll be $35)
. ------------"If you can't smell the fragrance -------------Don't come into the garden of Love. -------------If you're unwilling to undress -------------Don't enter into the stream of Truth. -------------Stay where you are. -------------Don't come our way." -------------------------------------------- ~Rumi ~
.
Last edited by SandHills; 01-17-2015 at 07:01 PM..
Reason: adding a poet's voice
I love coffee shops, so it's never been a problem with me. If a woman does not like coffee and does not like discussing books, current events, music, arts, etc.. we're not going to get along. The point is to talk to the person. What would you prefer, an interpretive dance? The hobbies that I enjoy would not be good first meet-up options. I like to go on hikes that are 6 to 12 miles - that's going to be a few hours up to nearly a full day with me alone. Most women aren't going to want to do that before knowing me better.
I prefer alcoholic drinks or food- not coffee. I met someone last weekend from OkCupid. We went to a restaurant, sat at a table, ate food, and talked.
Guys I've met in a traditional fashion and gone on a date with: 1
Gus I've met in via OLD and gone on dates with: well over 100
I submit that the difference between dating someone OLD and IRL is irrelevant once you have already met the person, regardless of how you meet. However, I realize I don't have enough data on dating IRL to make that claim!
Guys I've met in a traditional fashion and gone on a date with: 1
For me, this number is zero! lol I'd be in awe if it ever happened.
I'm not sure of the exact number of guys I've met from dating sites. I've met around 22 over the past two years, and I don't think it's been more than 60-70 overall.
I recently (about a month or so) set up profiles on Match, Christian Mingle and eHarmony and I haven't had any luck with guys. I'm young, educated, growing in my career, adventurous, active, etc and even though I've gotten tons of profile views, I haven't gotten any messages from any guys. I'm usually the one who sends emails to guys that I find interesting but have yet to get a response. Am I doing something wrong?
Hard to say without reading your profile, but the same has pretty much been my experience as well. I have had my profile reviewed by several people who have been around the block several times, but still nope - nothing useful in return. At some point, I thought the entire male population in my area had viewed my profile. I gave up, and I truly believe that the majority of online men (can't speak for women, as I typically don't aim for them to date me) either have issues, or are just looking for casual things/flings, or are used to seeing those meh female profiles, yet once they see a good one, they either think it's fake, or they don't know what to do with it.
It's certainly worked for me, but not on dating sites. I met my late wife quite by accident on a bulletin board, not much unlike this one, in 1991. It was on a writers' board, and I was looking for some suggestions for a script I was writing. I don't remember how we happened to "meet", but we began writing emails to each other, mostly personal, and got to know each other very well. Both of us being professional writers, our letters were long and detailed, often 2 or 3 per day. We lived 2000+ miles apart (Wyoming and New Jersey), so neither of us figured we'd ever meet in person.
But then something unrelated came up that I wanted to attend back east, and I asked her if I showed up on her doorstep if she'd show me around NYC. ("YES!!") And that pretty much sealed the deal. I spent a couple days with her, then returned a month later and spent a week. A month later she visited me in Wyoming and never left. We were perfect together, married a year later, and had a great 2.5 years together before she died suddenly and unexpectedly when an aneurysm burst in her brain.
I believe it was '98 when I came across a smallish social network site. I wasn't really looking to date anyone from it; it was just a way to while away the time. (I'd dated a few women since my late wife's death but not many.) One night, just after I'd ended a little chat with one person I knew, "DreamWeaver" entered the room and asked if anyone wanted to chat. I'd never seen the handle before but sent her a private message that I was free for about 20 minutes. That was 17 years ago and we're still chatting. We've been together going on 16 years now, 13 of them married.
The internet has changed a lot since '98 and even more since '91. It used to be filled with words, not photos. I didn't know what my first wife looked like (other than her own description) until just before we met in person when she sent me a couple pictures via snail mail. I returned the favor. My current wife was able to give me a url that had a picture of her. I think this was a couple days after we'd first "met" online. We were simply net friends for a year and a half. (She lived in Oregon, 1350 miles away.) Then she came to attend a week-long seminar that I used to hold annually. Six weeks later she returned and hasn't left.
Ehh I think it's weird never done it before...I just don't want people to know that I met my girl online. But no girl is giving me a chance out here, maybe I should try one of those websites out?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
