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I had the following "situation" happen and was wondering if anyone had any thoughts or similar experiences? I thought it may make a nice research project
I have had an active online dating profile on different dating sites for some time now. My biggest problem was that I felt like every guy I was interested in and reached out to didn't respond, and then the ones who expressed interest in me were not someone I was interested in dating.
There was this guy who I had seen on one of the dating sites that I was attracted to and interested in going out with. I sent him an email and got no response, although he did view my profile. A few months later, we matched up on Tinder. I initiated conversation with him and he responded once or twice, but that was it.
Fast forward to New Years Eve...
My girlfriend invited me to celebrate New Years with her and a group of her friends whom I had never met. I agreed. We all met up at someone's house to have some drinks before heading to the bar. Well, this guy walks in and what do you know?! Its the guy I was talking about above. I wasn't sure whether or not he recognized me, but I definitely recognized him. At first we didn't talk, but eventually we were talking and flirting the entire night. In fact, one of the girls said that she thought he was really interested in me.
That was confirmed when he chased down my friend for my number and texted me every day. The rest is irrelevant
My question/curiosity is, what was it about my "real world" self that was so different from my "online self"?? I've evaluated my online profile many times - it isn't negative, its fun and I don't think its anything that guys would be turned off by. I wondered if maybe my photos weren't flattering. Many people said that wasn't the case.
I wonder how many times this would happen? How many times would someone not be interested in something via match.com (or whatever other site) but would be attracted to them in a group setting or meeting through mutual friends. Its almost confirming to me why online dating isn't "all that".
I can't say for sure without knowing you, but I know for me, it's photogenics. Just about every man I met though online dating made a comment about how I looked much better in person. Some comment on it a lot on the date too (and I don't understand it, I think I look like me in my pictures. But I've been told it enough that I figure there must be truth to it). And the thing is, a lot of people go almost solely by looks when dating online.... they won't even click on you and read your profile if they don't like the way you look.
Not saying that *must* be the issue you ran in to, but it's a possibility.
The thermostat is higher in the real world and your body language and eye contact cause the hormones to stir wildly. Whereas merely text and moving pictures...just arent as...alive.
I had the following "situation" happen and was wondering if anyone had any thoughts or similar experiences? I thought it may make a nice research project
I have had an active online dating profile on different dating sites for some time now. My biggest problem was that I felt like every guy I was interested in and reached out to didn't respond, and then the ones who expressed interest in me were not someone I was interested in dating.
There was this guy who I had seen on one of the dating sites that I was attracted to and interested in going out with. I sent him an email and got no response, although he did view my profile. A few months later, we matched up on Tinder. I initiated conversation with him and he responded once or twice, but that was it.
Fast forward to New Years Eve...
My girlfriend invited me to celebrate New Years with her and a group of her friends whom I had never met. I agreed. We all met up at someone's house to have some drinks before heading to the bar. Well, this guy walks in and what do you know?! Its the guy I was talking about above. I wasn't sure whether or not he recognized me, but I definitely recognized him. At first we didn't talk, but eventually we were talking and flirting the entire night. In fact, one of the girls said that she thought he was really interested in me.
That was confirmed when he chased down my friend for my number and texted me every day. The rest is irrelevant
My question/curiosity is, what was it about my "real world" self that was so different from my "online self"?? I've evaluated my online profile many times - it isn't negative, its fun and I don't think its anything that guys would be turned off by. I wondered if maybe my photos weren't flattering. Many people said that wasn't the case.
I wonder how many times this would happen? How many times would someone not be interested in something via match.com (or whatever other site) but would be attracted to them in a group setting or meeting through mutual friends. Its almost confirming to me why online dating isn't "all that".
I think you are asking a few questions that are interconnected. For me, I do tend to photograph well having been a model, but even then there are days were I look horrible or my hair does. After all, being a model often mean having a hairstylist and makeup artist. Which brings me up to the point that one may look different in photos which can be good or bad. If you look differently in photos (and many do)it will have an impact on whether you click with someone. I've met guys who looked much better in real life than in photos. This is why to me online is often a bad thing because some people photograph horrible and online is based on looks first.
Then there is the issue that people reject for issues online they wouldn't offline. Like you I got responses from men I had no interest in and many of the men I liked had no interest. Why? No idea. I suspect for many it had to do with my age since so many wanted younger according to their profiles. However in real life I meet men who are attracted to me from all ages, including much younger. This leads me to believe that men are judging me on something online because they can (or believe they can). Not to mention in real life they get to see the real me, personality and all and decide but online there is no such thing.
Of course hard to say if this was his problem. Maybe he just got tired of responding to people or he had a free profile and couldn't respond. Maybe the photo was bad or something in your profile. Hard to know unless you ask him.
Online dating is just a lot of work to even meet the person. In real life you meet the person with no work and see if there is chemistry right away because they are right in front of you.
We all met up at someone's house to have some drinks before heading to the bar.
Well, this guy walks in and what do you know?! Its the guy I was talking about above.
I wasn't sure whether or not he recognized me, but I definitely recognized him.
At first we didn't talk, but eventually we were talking and flirting the entire night.
In fact, one of the girls said that she thought he was really interested in me.
My question/curiosity is, what was it about my "real world" self that was so different from my "online self"??
Reality.
Quote:
I wonder how many times this would happen?
Its almost confirming to me why online dating isn't "all that".
Because it isn't.
OLD is just an avenue to MEETING. Like at that bar.
That isn't a fault of it... it's just reality.
It is interesting because your experience with OLD has been exactly my experience so far, except your female and I'm male. I have about a 2-3% response rate to women I contact and no I don't send creepy messages or pictures of my junk with my first (or any for that matter) messages. Then the women that contact me or hideous looking. There has been only 2 women that have ever contacted me first that I was interested in.
I have yet to see any women in person that ignore my messages and if I did I would not approach them since I already did theoretically. That means it is very unlikely anything would ever happen since women rarely approach men. In your case since he was a guy he approached you because that is what guys do.
As far as the differences go I am of the feeling that if she wasn't interested in me online when I messaged her she won't be interested in person. If she is interested in me in person she is going to have to show it because I've already shown interest already and will not do it again. I'm not sure why that guy wouldn't pursue you online but would in person.
Never done online dating, but I would think it's easier to feel chemistry in person vs. online.
No one "feels chemistry" online. The ONLY thing online gets you, is a wider group of possible dating prospects. That is ALL. I don't know why people think that anyone actually dates ONLINE. You look around, chat via email, and see if anyone pops up that you might want to actually meet. Once you meet, then BAM you are at exactly the same place you would be if you met them in a library, or at a party. You don't know one damn thing until you meet.
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You look around, chat via email, and see if anyone pops up that you might want to actually meet. Once you meet, then BAM you are at exactly the same place you would be if you met them in a library, or at a party. You don't know one damn thing until you meet. 
