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Old 01-18-2015, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
729 posts, read 1,254,174 times
Reputation: 739

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I've been dating someone for about a month now, and she is constantly cancelling on me, and when we do get together, she is almost always late. Right after Christmas I didn't see her because she was sick. We had planned to spend New Year's Eve together, but she cancelled on me saying that "she didn't know when she was going to done with her family" then claimed that her mom invited her best friend over for the festivities. She wanted to make it up to me by spending the day with me for New Years; she said she was planning on coming over at 1, but she didn't show until 7. We had a talk, and I told her that I was starting to have second thoughts about wanting to be with her because I can already see myself becoming a low priority for her (been there, done that, still have the T-shirt). We got together a couple more times, but then the serial cancellations began again. We were supposed to get together last Saturday saying that she was "hungover" (seriously - who is still hungover at 5pm?), and said we could get together the next day, and sure enough the next day she cancelled on me yet again because she hungover yet again. Yesterday we were supposed to get together, but she cancelled on me saying she was at the hospital with her dad after he fell down and that we could get together today. Today - in predictable fashion, she cancelled on me saying that her mom was taking her to dinner to thank her for helping her yesterday.

She keeps saying she really likes me, but her actions seem to say otherwise. Look - I get that people get busy, but this is excessive; if I really like someone, I will make myself available by whatever means necessary. For all I know she's being honest, but it still seems like a lot. I will let you all weigh in.
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Old 01-18-2015, 05:52 PM
 
2,181 posts, read 2,037,836 times
Reputation: 3138


You know what you need to do.
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Old 01-18-2015, 05:53 PM
 
Location: Canada
8,699 posts, read 7,778,342 times
Reputation: 17941
Believe their actions, not their words.
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Old 01-18-2015, 05:55 PM
 
79 posts, read 50,570 times
Reputation: 92
First sentence, last paragraph says it all. Judge her by her actions.

I live by this. Women will blow off their moms to chill with a guy they are really interested in.

Stop putting time and effort in someone who does not respect you or your time abd is clearly not into you
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Old 01-18-2015, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
729 posts, read 1,254,174 times
Reputation: 739
Quote:
Originally Posted by tofur View Post

You know what you need to do.
That made my day.
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Old 01-18-2015, 06:05 PM
 
1,016 posts, read 282,254 times
Reputation: 1296
Think of it this way. She could be in a number of situations.

Shes a horrible drunk and is hungover every time she blows you off, but doesnt say it
She is seeing a guy that has her in low priority, but is a high priority for her
She is not over some guy yet, but doesnt want to sit home alone, and youre always available.

All these are speculation, but they make up the type of reasons you get blown off, and you shouldnt put up with it.

You can cut her off, and watch her scramble to get your attention again, then she will blow you off again.

I vote you keep making dates with her and dont even go. When she calls you saying shes there, you make up a dumb excuse, give her a taste of her own medicine.
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Old 01-18-2015, 06:08 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,770 posts, read 64,231,537 times
Reputation: 68579
She's either not that into you, or has massive issues that you don't even want to know about.

Or both.



Find someone who's available to you.


BTW, did you ask her why she didn't show up until 7 pm on New Yr's Day? Did she even call to say she was running way late, or got ambushed by her mom and some relatives?
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Old 01-18-2015, 06:26 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,125,588 times
Reputation: 22092
Well, you can either choose to continue the relationship with her and accept the fact that she's really late and flakey - or you can save yourself a bunch of misery and end it now. My ex was chronically late and a bit flakey, too. Drove me bonkers.
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Old 01-18-2015, 06:33 PM
 
4,176 posts, read 5,305,217 times
Reputation: 1843
Quote:
Originally Posted by jzcrandall View Post
I've been dating someone for about a month now, and she is constantly cancelling on me, and when we do get together, she is almost always late. Right after Christmas I didn't see her because she was sick. We had planned to spend New Year's Eve together, but she cancelled on me saying that "she didn't know when she was going to done with her family" then claimed that her mom invited her best friend over for the festivities. She wanted to make it up to me by spending the day with me for New Years; she said she was planning on coming over at 1, but she didn't show until 7. We had a talk, and I told her that I was starting to have second thoughts about wanting to be with her because I can already see myself becoming a low priority for her (been there, done that, still have the T-shirt). We got together a couple more times, but then the serial cancellations began again. We were supposed to get together last Saturday saying that she was "hungover" (seriously - who is still hungover at 5pm?), and said we could get together the next day, and sure enough the next day she cancelled on me yet again because she hungover yet again. Yesterday we were supposed to get together, but she cancelled on me saying she was at the hospital with her dad after he fell down and that we could get together today. Today - in predictable fashion, she cancelled on me saying that her mom was taking her to dinner to thank her for helping her yesterday.

She keeps saying she really likes me, but her actions seem to say otherwise. Look - I get that people get busy, but this is excessive; if I really like someone, I will make myself available by whatever means necessary. For all I know she's being honest, but it still seems like a lot. I will let you all weigh in.

The way I see it, when someone does not respect your time, they're (in essence) claiming ownership of your time. There aren't many bigger signs of disrespect than not respecting someone else's time (remember, we don't get it back!). I would immediately stop seeing this person. Her lack of respect for your time and schedule shows you that she views you as disposable and is basically acting as if she's doing you a favor by seeing you -- very patronizing. She wouldn't be interested in anything serious with you anyway; if she saw potential for a more serious relationship, there is zero chance she would behave this way b/c she knows the other person wouldn't stand for it.
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Old 01-18-2015, 06:40 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
729 posts, read 1,254,174 times
Reputation: 739
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
She's either not that into you, or has massive issues that you don't even want to know about.

Or both.



Find someone who's available to you.


BTW, did you ask her why she didn't show up until 7 pm on New Yr's Day? Did she even call to say she was running way late, or got ambushed by her mom and some relatives?
She was up until 4, and didn't wake up until the following afternoon. I went to bed at 4 as well, but I drank a Gatorade before I went to bed and woke up at 11 right as rain.
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