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Old 01-19-2015, 09:42 AM
 
324 posts, read 298,437 times
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So, if her new body change was in the pictures, would you have still approached her online?

I think physical attraction is important, and know pretty quickly if it's there or not. I've never been the "over time you'll be attracted to someone" theory, but that's just me.

The thing is, we all want to feel desired in our relationships, and if an SO/Spouse states they learned to be attracted due to our, lets say, caring personality, that just isn't going to make anyone feel desirable. Again, just my opinion as I know people say all the time they learned to be attracted over time.

If it's an issue that your struggling with for a while though, consider letting her move on. There will be others who you'll be attracted to and who won't pull a bait and switch with their pictures.
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Old 01-19-2015, 09:47 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
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I think you know pretty quickly if it's there or if it's not. I can tell within a couple minutes of meeting a guy if I am attracted to him. I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that you could become more attracted to someone over time, but generally it's there or it's not. I'm not saying you even have to feel a crazy spark, but do you think they are attractive? Could you imagine kissing them? I went out on a date with a guy not too long ago and I could tell as soon as I laid eyes on him, it just wasn't going to happen. He was very nice, but I could have given it 100 dates and it would all just be a waste of both of our time.

I want a guy that sees me and goes WOW! I would never want someone to keep seeing me because they think I'm nice and hope I'll grow on them.
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Old 01-19-2015, 09:51 AM
 
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All good points and comments. I have to admit, I do feel a little "bait and switched". But I also realize we all want to put our best foot forward.
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Old 01-19-2015, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,493 posts, read 38,106,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UEHelp View Post
All good points and comments. I have to admit, I do feel a little "bait and switched". But I also realize we all want to put our best foot forward.
She's probably not going to get less heavy on the bottom, so you need to figure out if that REALLY bothers you, or if you were just turned off by the difference in expectations vs. reality.

I agree that you need to spend more time together. That's how you get chemistry. Too early to decide.
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Old 01-19-2015, 10:37 AM
 
2,181 posts, read 2,048,065 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
I don't understand the question. If you don't know if it isn't there, it isn't there. These things are obvious. This isn't about thinking, it is about feeling. If you're not feeling it, you're not. The end.
This ^
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Old 01-19-2015, 02:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UEHelp View Post
Yes, I have always felt an initial spark. However, I'm not sure it should be the overriding factor. Another words, maybe the attraction part will come and the other things (like sharing the same values, likes, etc.) is what makes a long term relationship work. Case in point, I'm single now At the same time, I know physical attraction is important and is key.

For others, no, we have not been dating for a month. Due to schedules, we only recently began to have in-person contact. Twice now. Before two weeks ago, we just communicated via email/phone.

Overriding? It needs to be there to start.

Please note, we said chemistry, not physical attraction (though that is important). These two things are not the same.
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Old 01-19-2015, 09:27 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,485 posts, read 16,493,196 times
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OP have you kissed her or touched her in any way? I can usually tell when our skin touches--there will be some kind of tingle. With a man that I have no chemistry with, it's pretty obvious that there is nothing.
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Old 01-19-2015, 09:58 PM
 
Location: Pa
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Did your penis rise? If not you don't want her.
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Old 01-19-2015, 10:02 PM
 
16,602 posts, read 17,760,626 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UEHelp View Post
So recently met a very nice lady from an on-line dating site. Excellent manners and very kind. We have a lot in common and enjoy many of the same things like dogs and spending time outdoors. Most importantly, we share many of the same values and are close in age (mid-40's). That's important to me.

But...

The problem is that I am not sure I am sexually attracted to her. I know this is common and there's a lot of different opinions. Some say to stick with it and see where it goes while others say move on now.

We've been communicating for about a month, met up twice for daily activities and after every date, I just scratch my head on what to do and how I feel. I don't want to waste her time (or mine) but also don't want to just "call it" w/o thinking it through.

Opinions?
If you're not feeling the attraction then you're better off walking.
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Old 01-19-2015, 10:07 PM
 
379 posts, read 314,725 times
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Default You just answered your own question

Quote:
Originally Posted by UEHelp View Post
She's a little heavy on the bottom. Her pictures, while somewhat recent, showed a different body type. I'm guessing she's gone through a recent body change. She has a stockier build that didn't come through in her pics.

No, I'm not embarrassed to be seen with her.
"She's a little heavy on the bottom. Her pictures, while somewhat recent, showed a different body type. I'm guessing she's gone through a recent body change. She has a stockier build that didn't come through in her pics."

You are NOT attracted to her.
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