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Old 01-19-2015, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
2,380 posts, read 2,842,514 times
Reputation: 2832

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur View Post
Why does they guy have to show it first? Most likely, he asked you out. Isn't that him showing interest in you? Why can't you show the same level of interest at the same time?

Honestly, I think this is the flaw in some women's thought-processes with regards to dating. At what point does the woman think she needs to step up and start pursuing the guy? No wonder dudes disappear on some of you after a few dates. I'm about to do the same thing with a girl, because the guy probably has no indication that you're that interested in them with this standoffish approach you're advocating.
Because any guy can ask a woman out. Not any guy can make her feel like shes important to him.
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Old 01-19-2015, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
2,380 posts, read 2,842,514 times
Reputation: 2832
I dont show interest in strangers as a woman because I know that men dont appreciate women who are into them and treat them like theyre special before the guy even has a chance to put up effort. They dont value a woman who is "easy" as they call her if she does a lot for him too soon.
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Old 01-19-2015, 08:02 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
6,717 posts, read 4,231,603 times
Reputation: 10344
Quote:
Originally Posted by GravityMan View Post
IMO, if the guy is genuinely interested in the woman as a person, then the "effort" on his end to make her feel good will come naturally for the most part. Even if he's mildly shy. The execution may be smooth or it may be awkward, but more importantly it wouldn't feel fake. He wouldn't have to think about "oh I gotta ask her questions" or "oh I need to make her laugh"...the questions and intrigue would just come on their own. Likewise for the woman towards the guy.

Exceptions: the guy has severe social anxiety...or is utterly socially incompetent due to living a highly sheltered life.

That said, making another person (in general, not just dating) feel at ease via various methods is an essential soft skill that should be learned by one's early-to-mid-20s or so. You don't need to have a PhD in psychology in order to do that.

On a date, there's a big difference between making the woman feel comfortable and putting her on a pedestal (i.e. being a people-pleaser). Don't do the latter.

When you're comfortable in your own skin, it's a lot easier for others to feel at ease in your presence. That goes for both men and women.
End Thread.

Seriously people all this "oh he needs to do this or she needs to do that...." is really just nonsense. The whole object of the date is to go out with someone you are attracted to and have fun with them. Stop looking for so many signs and reassurance.

Just go with the flow and relax.
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Old 01-19-2015, 08:03 PM
 
309 posts, read 407,894 times
Reputation: 1099
Why must men do all the heavy lifting in every aspect and turn around ensure that women are valued "equally"?

How does that work?

This world is so unfair to men.
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Old 01-19-2015, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,391 posts, read 1,710,263 times
Reputation: 1915
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yiuppy View Post
Because any guy can ask a woman out. Not any guy can make her feel like shes important to him.
Yeah, and any woman can and will accept a date in which she will be wined/dined in most cases. So, you see, the need to feel like the other person actually is interested in you is mutual.
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Old 01-19-2015, 08:08 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,671 posts, read 64,140,481 times
Reputation: 68453
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
Just find another guy then. You don't like this one. That's all.
She's already moved on. The point of her OP is to give the C-D guys who post that they can't get a 2nd date, only a string of first dates, a suggestion about what they might be doing wrong.


I still don't understand why there are so many reading comprehension issues regarding the OP on this thread. It's pretty straightforward.
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Old 01-19-2015, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Canada
8,696 posts, read 7,770,613 times
Reputation: 17920
Quote:
Originally Posted by GravityMan View Post
IMO, if the guy is genuinely interested in the woman as a person, then the "effort" on his end to make her feel good will come naturally for the most part. Even if he's mildly shy. The execution may be smooth or it may be awkward, but more importantly it wouldn't feel fake. He wouldn't have to think about "oh I gotta ask her questions" or "oh I need to make her laugh"...the questions and intrigue would just come on their own. Likewise for the woman towards the guy.

Exceptions: the guy has severe social anxiety...or is utterly socially incompetent due to living a highly sheltered life.

That said, making another person (in general, not just dating) feel at ease via various methods is an essential soft skill that should be learned by one's early-to-mid-20s or so. You don't need to have a PhD in psychology in order to do that.

On a date, there's a big difference between making the woman feel comfortable and putting her on a pedestal (i.e. being a people-pleaser). Don't do the latter.

When you're comfortable in your own skin, it's a lot easier for others to feel at ease in your presence. That goes for both men and women.
I have to say I appreciate your logical and balanced views on these various dating topics.
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Old 01-19-2015, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
2,380 posts, read 2,842,514 times
Reputation: 2832
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur View Post
Yeah, and any woman can and will accept a date in which she will be wined/dined in most cases. So, you see, the need to feel like the other person actually is interested in you is mutual.
When you date, you are willing to take that chance. Cant emotionally afford to take a chance, then dont date. Yes, the need to feel desired is mutual, but only the woman looks a fool where shes really putting herself into a guy before he does so for her. So there is a greater onus on a man to be more forthcoming to a woman who will then be receptive of that and feels safe to show her interest in him, if it exists.

Why do you make it seem as if women have malicious intentions by agreeing to spend a couple of hours or a day with someone?
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Old 01-19-2015, 08:19 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,391 posts, read 1,710,263 times
Reputation: 1915
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yiuppy View Post
When you date, you are willing to take that chance. Cant emotionally afford to take a chance, then dont date. Yes, the need to feel desired is mutual, but only the woman looks a fool where shes really putting herself into a guy before he does so for her. So there is a greater onus on a man to be more forthcoming to a woman who will then be receptive of that and feels safe to show her interest in him, if it exists.

Why do you make it seem as if women have malicious intentions by agreeing to spend a couple of hours or a day with someone?
I don't agree with you at all. GravityMan seemed to hit the nail on the head though. Read his post. Both parties need to put in the effort. Not at all what you're saying here.

And I'm leery of people in general, because I have experienced and am fully aware that people (men and women) will use others to fulfill their needs, whether it's having company, sex, dinner date, etc. It's not that the person necessarily has malicious intent. It's that human beings are selfish creatures and often act in their own self-interest.
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Old 01-19-2015, 08:22 PM
 
681 posts, read 539,814 times
Reputation: 1259
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava View Post
Because he's the man. Chivalry.

I think a lot of guys have been so burned by women that they're reluctant to give anything upfront anymore. They come into it untrusting. But that defensiveness only turns the woman off.

Chilvalry is just another name for hypocrisy. The irony is that your attitude is a great example of why some guys are reluctant to give anything upfront. If I was interested in a woman and saw her writing or saying what you just did, I would not associate with her again period.

Your attitude is one sided and all about your needs and expectations. I saw no give or take, no mutual respect or concern, only a focus on your needs.
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