Put in some effort, guys (men, attracted, meaning, different)
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I'm all for that. The woman shouldn't act aloof or off-putting either. But moreso than the woman, the guy should be making an effort to make sure she's having a good time.
I think a lot of guys have been so burned by women that they're reluctant to give anything upfront anymore. They come into it untrusting. But that defensiveness only turns the woman off.
First let me say that personally I do all these things when dating as well as picking up the check and talking about her interests/job, etc. With that said, your post kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Not once did you mention about making HIM feel special too. It was all me, me, me. Sorry, but if I'm the one having to do the bulk of everything there won't be another date.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick
Why, exactly, should more burden fall on the guy?
I think she probably did NOTHING to make the dude comfortable. Even if you believe in that chilvary BS, the woman should do SOMETHING to let encourage the dude to put his guard down.
First let me say that personally I do all these things when dating as well as picking up the check and talking about her interests/job, etc. With that said, your post kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Not once did you mention about making HIM feel special too. It was all me, me, me. Sorry, but if I'm the one having to do the bulk of everything there won't be another date.
If you read a couple posts down, I do agree that the woman should put in effort as well. But what I'm saying is, the guy sets the tone. If a guy does what you do on a date, he sets the stage for making the woman feel comfortable, and then she is much more likely to reciprocate those things.
First let me say that personally I do all these things when dating as well as picking up the check and talking about her interests/job, etc. With that said, your post kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Not once did you mention about making HIM feel special too. It was all me, me, me. Sorry, but if I'm the one having to do the bulk of everything there won't be another date.
My best female friend said that a lot of dates she goes on with men results in them taking charge of the entire conversation. In other words, they tend to talk exclusively about themselves and make it difficult for the woman to join the dialogue.
The vibe I get is that women love to talk about themselves. So one of the better strategies on the first few dates is to keep them engaged by asking them questions about their job, hobbies, family, friends, etc. When the time is right, you can segue into talking about something in your life or move on to the next topic.
That said, there's a lot of give and take during a date. I've went on dates with women who were offputting because they did not engage enough. I understand shyness, but if you can't open up during any point of the date, you probably need to work on your social skills before you get on the dating market.
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