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Old 01-20-2015, 10:40 AM
 
8,224 posts, read 6,557,767 times
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Yes, But only if said cheater has undergone some peronsal change. Without that, you have nothing but more of the same.
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Old 01-20-2015, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,053,723 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinawina View Post
Only if my husband was truly sorry and determined to change, and was backing that up with actions, would I try to move past the cheating.
Curious, what kind of actions would one have to take to demonstrate they wouldn't cheat again?

The only thing that would make me comfortable is if they never left the house or had visitors. That of course is not feasible.
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Old 01-20-2015, 10:49 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 2,882,400 times
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My ex was an excellent cheater as well the woman he met online was an excellent one too who was married had 3 kids married to a very decent man.
I did not cheat no one I decently took my divorce, I cannot make my self filth because some one does. After that I am very careful about people actions reactions as well their stories.

But there are two couples I know one couple cheated both on each other and they made their lives bond free and still happily married has a good bond with their lovers too

And the other couple wife had a second child from another man husband does not know nothing and still married almost 23 years.

That is life..
PS. about the second chance just a wasting time. I gave a second change just wasted another few years of my life.
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Old 01-20-2015, 10:51 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,830,509 times
Reputation: 61840
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmantra View Post
I personally don't think so. Cheating on someone is so selfish and disrespectful. I don't think I could ever forgive them even if we have been together 20 years and the cheating happened 10 years ago ( our relationship would have been built on a lie spanning a decade)

How does everyone else feel?

Have any of you ever been cheated on? If so what was the outcome?

Have any of you ever cheated? If so what was the outcome?

In my opinion and my life the answer will always be no but that only pertains to me what someone else chooses to do in their life is purely their decision and I would have no advice or input regarding that situation.
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Old 01-20-2015, 10:51 AM
 
5,647 posts, read 5,109,858 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jsun556 View Post
Curious, what kind of actions would one have to take to demonstrate they wouldn't cheat again?

The only thing that would make me comfortable is if they never left the house or had visitors. That of course is not feasible.
I think like going to therapy, I get to check his email and phone LOL, no lies about anything at all, stuff like that. My view is you have to be willing to earn my trust back and work on yourself, work on changing yourself for the better. I watched 2 girlfriends go through this and that is what I took away from it. If he/she really wants to stay with you he/she will own up to what they did and be willing to dig in and work hard, even though there will be times you don't like them very much, they'll still stick with it.
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Old 01-20-2015, 10:55 AM
 
Location: My House
33,076 posts, read 26,889,149 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmantra View Post
I personally don't think so. Cheating on someone is so selfish and disrespectful. I don't think I could ever forgive them even if we have been together 20 years and the cheating happened 10 years ago ( our relationship would have been built on a lie spanning a decade)

How does everyone else feel?

Have any of you ever been cheated on? If so what was the outcome?

Have any of you ever cheated? If so what was the outcome?
Do alcoholics deserve a second chance? What about people with anger problems? (not speaking of violent abuse or what have you)...

What about people who walk out and leave you because they cannot handle (some aspect of the relationship)?

Do any of them "deserve" a second chance because they drank too much, got mad to often, or walked out when the going got tough?

Do the things they do make them some label? Walk outers?

I'm not saying someone who violated your trust ever deserves any sort of 2nd chance, but I have noticed on this board that people who have had an affair or an indiscretion are assigned this very specific label as if they'll always be horrible people and cannot be trusted in a relationship, yet I see that people who have violated the relationship in some other way (that might well have been quite painful) are NOT labeled as inappropriate automatically by the virtue of having done some undesirable thing.

It really does depend on the people and the circumstances. There's no right answer in all cases, no matter how much people like to think there is.
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Old 01-20-2015, 11:41 AM
 
Location: between Mars and Venus
1,524 posts, read 778,904 times
Reputation: 2012
What? A second chance to cheat? NO.
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Old 01-20-2015, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,549 posts, read 3,505,744 times
Reputation: 6858
Well, as someone stated, can't really know how you'd react until the situation comes up. it's like watching a horror movie, and saying "XY is so stupid, if that was me, I would____" Nobody can be sure. Easy to be rational when you're safe behind a tv watching other people go through crap. But when you're in it...Lord knows.

But, far as my thoughts now, I don't think I would forgive a cheating SO. Just given my personality, and issues, I doubt. I would probably be hurt, and angry. Then I could never trust them again. Because I value monogamy. That has always been what appealed to me. Now, not everyone is monogamous. But, if one doesn't believe in just being with one person, that should be made clear in the dating phase, not later after a serious relationship has begun when it's discovered that they've been running around.

From some things that have happened in my life, I think I can say I am not a forgiving person. And being unforgiving is nothing to brag about. But as of now, that's just how I am, with bigger things. As a get older and have more years on me, it may change.

As far as what they "deserve." You could say nobody "deserves" a 2nd chance. They already blew it the 1st time. However, giving a 2nd chance is nice. but I won't say it's "owed" to someone. Just depends on the individuals priorities and the situation. Then if one wants to give another try, good. If they don't, understandable.
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Old 01-20-2015, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,053,723 times
Reputation: 3331
Has anyone ever heard of a situation where the cheater gave a spouse a "hall pass" as a way of trying to apologize?
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Old 01-20-2015, 12:31 PM
 
9,018 posts, read 7,952,009 times
Reputation: 14414
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Ive been cheated on numerous times and the outcome has all been the same.

Sure, cheaters deserve another chance, just not with me.
Lol great minds think alike.....

Not just no, Hell no.
No second chances for someone who's got no self control, no morals & no respect......
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