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Old 01-20-2015, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
13,471 posts, read 11,020,697 times
Reputation: 23955

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Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
Lol great minds think alike.....

Not just no, Hell no.
No second chances for someone who's got no self control, no morals & no respect......
I don't buy into "certain circumstances", either, because there's no circumstance to justify betrayal in my book (especially from a spouse) I make it ultra crystal clear in the beginning and drive it home again and again when it comes to infidelity.

I agree, it's not so easy. Leaving my ex wife I so dearly loved for many years was the toughest thing I ever undergone, due to her sincerity of remorse. My heart wanted to give her a sec chance, but my logic said otherwise (kick her asss to the curb)
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Old 01-20-2015, 12:44 PM
 
2,541 posts, read 2,014,962 times
Reputation: 3814
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmantra View Post
I personally don't think so. Cheating on someone is so selfish and disrespectful. I don't think I could ever forgive them even if we have been together 20 years and the cheating happened 10 years ago ( our relationship would have been built on a lie spanning a decade)

How does everyone else feel?
Agreed, they DON'T deserve another chance. By the very act of cheating, they are telling you that they don't give a crap about your feelings/emotions, and they're just gonna do as they please.

Some people have this idea that "people change". Uh no, people don't change. If someone has cheated on you before, what makes you think that they won't do it again? If you give them a second chance, that's only going to motivate them to become more sneaky about their cheating.

If I were in a relationship and my significant other cheated on me, the relationship would be over, no questions asked.

If someone wants to screw around with other people, then they should just stay single. What's the point of being in a relationship if they're just gonna cheat on their significant other?
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Old 01-20-2015, 12:54 PM
 
1,287 posts, read 888,697 times
Reputation: 1716
I think that it really depends on the reasons for cheating. It depends on the strength of the relationship too. There are many instances where I believe that cheating is very workable. I also believe that there are instances that are unworkable. I don't believe that having children, mutually owning a business, home, etc....is a reason to stay together, and that the basis for the cheating would be more of a factor in how hard a couple would want to work on saving a relationship. I see many couples try to save a marriage because of their children, only to teach their children bad relationship skills.

I also believe that in many instances that both are accountable for cheating. Typically people aren't going to cheat unless they are unhappy in their relationship. While one may be proactive in trying to preserve their relationship, others will try to ignore the fact they are in a bad one. It really hinges on the strength of the relationship, which is funny, since many times the reason the person cheated, was because their relationship was weak. In that case, the cheater may attempt to rebuild what has been broken, but unless both are committed to rebuild it together, it's just a waste of time. Sometimes you have to just cut your losses and think if the work really is worth it.

If a person cheats, and feels guilt to the point that they admit their actions to their partner. That they are a better candidate for rebuilding a relationship. If a person cheats, and gets caught, they are typically not the best candidate to work with. This would especially be true if the caught needed to be persuaded to work on the relationship. Is it workable, of course it is. It's hard work, and both will need to change the way they approach their relationship, if they don't all they are doing is delaying the inevitable.....
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Old 01-20-2015, 12:58 PM
 
1,287 posts, read 888,697 times
Reputation: 1716
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanCrossroads View Post
Agreed, they DON'T deserve another chance. By the very act of cheating, they are telling you that they don't give a crap about your feelings/emotions, and they're just gonna do as they please.

Some people have this idea that "people change". Uh no, people don't change. If someone has cheated on you before, what makes you think that they won't do it again? If you give them a second chance, that's only going to motivate them to become more sneaky about their cheating.

If I were in a relationship and my significant other cheated on me, the relationship would be over, no questions asked.

If someone wants to screw around with other people, then they should just stay single. What's the point of being in a relationship if they're just gonna cheat on their significant other?
If someone cheats, both need to change, that's the biggest misconception, that only the cheater has to change. That is so wrong, because people cheat because they are unhappy, not because they are in a blissful state. Two people are responsible for a relationship, so when someone cheats, both need to work on making their relationship better. Unless both are willing to work to do that, the relationship is done......and if that's the case, the relationship was already over before that person cheated.
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Old 01-20-2015, 01:10 PM
 
5,641 posts, read 5,104,049 times
Reputation: 10145
Quote:
Originally Posted by vigueur2014 View Post
If someone cheats, both need to change, that's the biggest misconception, that only the cheater has to change. That is so wrong, because people cheat because they are unhappy, not because they are in a blissful state. Two people are responsible for a relationship, so when someone cheats, both need to work on making their relationship better. Unless both are willing to work to do that, the relationship is done......and if that's the case, the relationship was already over before that person cheated.

Nah, there are people out there who cheat because they can and they want to. It's not always that the spouse did something wrong. Sometimes folks just feel entitled to a little side action or get caught up in unexpected feelings for someone they come across... whatever.

Besides, ALL marriages have problems eventually. You marry a person and not a robot. Over the course of being together for life it is inevitable that your spouse will disappoint you in some way or that you'll hit a rough patch. But the whole idea is that both parties are supposed to react to the inevitable trouble by working it out together, NOT bending over the next person. LOL

If you make fidelity something only owed when a marriage is totally happy, no one would ever stay faithful. Cheating is not supposed to be the way to handle trouble in your marriage.
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Old 01-20-2015, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
9,864 posts, read 8,000,104 times
Reputation: 11210
From my perspective, there are lot worse things that can happen in a relationship that can cause much more pain.

I love women who love men and who have a lot of sexual energy. I'm certainly not the only one.
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Old 01-20-2015, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,709 posts, read 5,628,063 times
Reputation: 7291
I gave my ex-girlfriend a second chance after she cheated on me, I'll never do that again. I won't ever give another woman a chance if she cheated on me. Lesson learned.
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Old 01-20-2015, 01:19 PM
 
8,224 posts, read 6,549,560 times
Reputation: 8509
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
I don't buy into "certain circumstances", either, because there's no circumstance to justify betrayal in my book (especially from a spouse) I make it ultra crystal clear in the beginning and drive it home again and again when it comes to infidelity.

I agree, it's not so easy. Leaving my ex wife I so dearly loved for many years was the toughest thing I ever undergone, due to her sincerity of remorse. My heart wanted to give her a sec chance, but my logic said otherwise (kick her asss to the curb)
It's hard to accept when you have been hurt by people. We all put up our boundaries to avoid the things that hurt us.
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