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I personally don't think so. Cheating on someone is so selfish and disrespectful. I don't think I could ever forgive them even if we have been together 20 years and the cheating happened 10 years ago ( our relationship would have been built on a lie spanning a decade)
How does everyone else feel?
Have any of you ever been cheated on? If so what was the outcome?
Have any of you ever cheated? If so what was the outcome?
I personally don't think so. Cheating on someone is so selfish and disrespectful. I don't think I could ever forgive them even if we have been together 20 years and the cheating happened 10 years ago ( our relationship would have been built on a lie spanning a decade)
How does everyone else feel?
Have any of you ever been cheated on? If so what was the outcome?
Have any of you ever cheated? If so what was the outcome?
Have YOU ever been cheated on by someone you loved very much?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmantra
I don't think
I think that until you've actually faced the experience, you have no idea how you'll react. This is true with most deeply emotional things that people THINK they have all figured out before hand.
I personally don't think so. Cheating on someone is so selfish and disrespectful. I don't think I could ever forgive them even if we have been together 20 years and the cheating happened 10 years ago ( our relationship would have been built on a lie spanning a decade)
How does everyone else feel?
Have any of you ever been cheated on? If so what was the outcome?
Have any of you ever cheated? If so what was the outcome?
I suspect that in most cases, cheaters are not given a second chance. I doubt I would be very forgiving if I were faced with a SO who had cheated.
That said, I am hesitant to speculate on a hypothetical. In your example, a 20 year relationship, with an incident of cheating 10 years ago to me may or may not constitute a relationship "built on a lie." Who cheated, when, how, does not owning up to it for 10 years mean every nuance of the relationship was built on that lie? When in this situation, there is a ton to consider with a lot of particulars, on top of the real emotions the person would feel.
To be honest, I am not sure how I would feel or react, so it is hard for me to know whether I could or could not be forgiving.
There is no way I would end my marriage over infidelity. I might not be happy about it of course but I don't subscribe to the "everyone is monogamous" camp.
There is no way I would end my marriage over infidelity. I might not be happy about it of course but I don't subscribe to the "everyone is monogamous" camp.
I didn't end mine over infidelity, so I can say I wouldn't end a marriage either (although it ended anyway). But just dating/just a boyfriend, I'd dump him. (Incidentally, the ability to cut loose someone weighing me down with garbage like cheating is one of the reasons I don't want to marry again). So for me, the nature of the relationship would determine a lot.
My therapist friend told me once that as much as people say they would leave their spouse in an instant over infidelity, very few of them actually do. Once there is a whole life and kids and years of history together at stake people find it's not so easy to walk away, especially if the spouse is remorseful. She said even when the cheater is not remorseful she has people still trying to find a way to make it work. Of course they might end up divorced anyway but it's not as simple as "you cheated on me, I hate you, get out" then file for divorce the next day and it's over with no looking back. Usually there is a period where they try to reconcile even if the cheater got kicked out. I thought that was interesting since nearly everyone I know swears they would end the marriage immediately.
Anyway, anyone who I dated who cheated, I ended things right away. But my marriage? It would just depend. I would have to be sure there is no hope for the marriage to be repaired. I'm not going to blow up my kids' lives without being absolutely sure there is no hope. But I would not try to drag along an unrepentant spouse either. Only if my husband was truly sorry and determined to change, and was backing that up with actions, would I try to move past the cheating.
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